that's not right

Ms. research-center Librarian center walked to my cube and handed me a message.
She was upset that she could not print out articles for me by using my medical-school account, which I had reluctantly given her.
After 10 minutes of yeah-I-got-your-point-please-go-away chatting with her, I went to the "remote access" library website of the medical school and found the exact message shown to me by Ms. Librarian. I called the medical school IT department.
"If you want to report a problem, please press 1." I did.
A woman picked up the phone with an unmistakable sound of yawning.
"Hi, I..."
"Hold on."
She was like: "I don't care what you ask me to do. Just wait."
After two jazz songs flowing from the phone receiver, I had the following conversation with an IT of the medical school. He is the most helpful IT I've ever encountered.

Pei: Hi, I don't have access to online libraries. I had it for a year, but now it just doesn't work.
IT: What message do you see?
Pei: Authentication concern.
IT: Concern?
Pei: Yes.
IT: What concern?
Pei: Authentication concern. It's the title of the message.
IT: Um... (he must've been saying "interesting") What else do you see?
Pei: The message says that because of the popularity of my last name, the system denies access to all users who have the same last name.
IT: That is not right!
Pei: I know.
IT: The costumer gets a message saying the system denies her access because of her last name. (he must've been typing down everything I'm saying to him while unconsciously reading out every word he typed) What else does it say?
Pei: It asks me to use a CORE account, which I have no idea what that is.
IT: What is your last name?
Pei: xxxx.
IT: First name?
Pei: xxxx
IT: First name again?
Pei: xxxx
IT: No... I don't find you.
Pei: Try xxx-x
IT: I don't see information about you in the system.
Pei: You want to try my A number ("A" number is like an ID number). It is xxxxxxxxx.
IT: Ok, I got you. You do have a CORE account.
Pei: I do?
IT: Let me give it to you.
(one minute later)
Pei: Thanks. It works now.
IT: Now I am going to set a profile for you. Which department do you work for? Which campus? Building? Alright, now, you have a profile in the system. You should've had one long time ago.
Pei: Really? Do you think I should set up an email account?
IT: That's a good idea. Let me transfer you to xxxx.

I loved it when he said "That is not right!"
A lot of things happening in the IT world is so wrong, and an IT rarely admits it. This guy is definitely one of the coolest ITs in the world, unlike Mr. M.
He really cared about me. I felt taken care of. All ITs in the world should take this I-take-care-of-people attitude as their responsibility and ultimate everyday goal.

As to my names, I don't know how to complain about them anymore. First and last. Whatever. It is not my fault that you can't pronounce them correctly. It is not my fault that you can't spell them correctly. It is definitely not my fault that they indeed are popular.
You fix your system. Don't ask me to change my names.

i heart ...

While collecting pictures (from tens of different cameras), I am recollecting each moment of this trip -- weekend of July 27.

Chicago remains as beautiful as or becomes more beautiful than my last visit.
Different from last time, I laughed and danced a lot this time.

I didn't dance tango, actually.
Dear tango dancer Ray, who emailed me worth-going milongas and called for managing transportation for me, even though he and I had never met. I didn't meet him, still. Now he must be disappointed and decide not to include me in his tango connection. Oh, well... sometimes there are things more important than tango.
Out of expectation, I danced and had greatest fun in a wedding! Everyone wanted to keep on dancing when Mr. Deejay played the last song. Everyone, including great grandmas and single-digit-year-olds and of course all the generations in between. Rarely, I enjoyed dancing in a wedding reception than on a tango dance floor. It was the people who make the difference.

Rose and Zach were awesome! Their friends were awesome! I had been a bit worried that I would not have fun by the fact that I would be one of the only two guests who know Rose for less than a life time.
Love and happiness and joy. This couple effortlessly spreads positive feelings to everyone around them.

Rose&Zach's W-day

First of all, I could not believe Zach was such a hip dancer!!! All the floor moves. All the foot works. Oh, he's the man. Who would've thought the previously zen-practicing Zach could move like that?
His people, who invited me and Liu to their table once noticing two random Asians possessing alcohol for an entire table, were also great party creatures! I loved them. They rescued us from lonely Table 10 to fun-making Table 9.

Second of all, as I have always adored Rose, I adore her even more now. She was totally the queen of her own party! I've been to non-Chinese weddings. But the brides were usually being much more quiet than usual and not showing their true selves. Rose ruled and rocked for the entire night. She was also a good dancer. Her people were great helpers for the entire thing. They well controlled or trouble-shot everything.

Third of all, the ceremony in the church was a nice culture lesson. They did a lot of readings and prayers for various reasons. Candles and songs. Holy blood and body. Details were taken care of.
The priest told a story, which was supposed to link love and relationship.... but I personally could not appreciate it. Dear Priest, please practice more about that story telling. Not engaging and too corny. Even though you lived in Tokyo for 30 years and wrote Chinese characters pretty well, I could not give you a preferring nod on that speech.

Away from the paradise for single people (NYC), I realized that I hit the age of having more married friends than single ones. To make the case stronger, even my new friends are in fact mostly married or engaged, rather than being single.
At Table 9, everyone was married or engaged. One exception was Ms. S.
"She would definitely say yes if he proposed, even though a voice in her head actually has tried very hard to break her up from him." This was what I thought when Ms. S shared her story about her 7-yr relationship.
It's written on her face saying "Marry me." She was the most physically attractive person of the night. Her personality was shining too. But she was under a cloud. Her careless appearance was not convincing in front of my eyes. She wants to be certain if the relationship is going somewhere more promising.
I wish she will find her light somehow.
Look at Rose and Zach! Are you happy like them? Are you the best friend of his? Can you be so yourself in front of him? Is him being himself in front of you? Being in a wedding can make one see things much more clearly.

Some time ago, an ex went to a wedding of his good friends. He realized he would never feel as happy or as in love with anyone.
That was when I learned a necessary life experience called heartbrokenness. Thank him for that. That I experienced it before getting too old to recover.

I could see the sky between Chicago Tribune and Wrigley Building with eyes closed.
I could smell the summer breeze from the Chicago River with the hot humid Jersey air.
I could hear myself laughing and dancing in streets of Chicago with the noise around my cubicle.
What a beautiful city!
What a great wedding!

Now I just came back from the city -- Manhattan -- from a dinner in the west village. I know where I belong.
Like that bird, standing on the sky, praising Chicago but not actually participating in it because her heart is somewhere else.


See you next time in November, dear Chicago.

night with thunder and lightning

Last night, when my head was aching like hell, a sound of thunder threw a bolt into my head.

Lightnings are amazing, but they are my favorite stuff in nature. My worse memory of them is when I drove from Chicago to Iowa City. Oh my..

I was like, FINE.
I turned off the computer and tried to find peace in the Child Pose. Another thunder hit the air, loudly enough to deafen poor squirrels to death. Most traumatically, I could not find peace in yoga.
According to my experience and belief, my illness came from the fact that I did not have coffee all day yesterday.

Therefore, the best way to get over it is to follow the steps:
Sleep for 10 hours.
Have coffee right after a wakening shower.
Focus on exciting things --- such as looking for a job.

Done. Headache is gone.
And Liu sent me a link, through which I don't find comfort. Why do I want to kiss the rain? Or squeeze a blue-heart-shaped balloon to explosion? Destructive traits are not in my blood.
Instead, last night reminds me of a song I listened a loooooot when I was in university. I basically ruined the CD because of listening to it too much. I liked all the songs except for "Angeline" in that album called "I'm OK."
Anyway, here it is:

special weddings

They are both tripple extra small sized.
They both have long black hair.
They both got married in the absence of their family.
They both wore their hair down and long on the back at the wedding.
They both had me witnessing their beautiful special day of life.

They: CY, my high school classmate and my grad school roommate; Y, my weekend roommate.

In the woods near our rented house (where I called home for three years), CY & Dave got married in 2005. It was a hot summer day. I could feel sweat dripping down my back to heel.
Tears were cooling my face.

In the city hall of Manhattan (where I feel like home), Y & Y got married in 2008. It was a hot summer day. I could feel sweat in the air. The AC was working in the city hall. Champaign was cooling everyone's soul.

No matter what my view is on marriage, the wedding itself is always so spiritual -- touching the core of my heart. It is even more so when there's no religious or cultural tradition involved: the fact that two people decide to make a vow of forever (in addition to being claimed as a couple by the government) in such a simplest way is very spiritual.

They are so in love.
That moment defines forever.
The legal part of it is just a socialized way of publicizing their commitment which does not need a license for its existence and certainty.

I don't believe that one needs the other half to be completed. People who believe this may make their lives too difficult and always in a search. Feeling incomplete is just a depressing idea that makes one in a low self esteem. An independent individual can feel so incomplete because of this belief. How upsetting! Don't believe it and get a life.

I believe that one can complete oneself by oneself. Two complete people can have a great life together. One can live without one's love of life, just less happier. Since we are a creature pursuing happiness, we prefer to live with our love of life. With this belief system, I pursue my happiness with a happy attitude.

After Ching's wedding, I am happy that I don't have such a big family like hers. But I do have a strong-personality grandma, who will definitely want to have her way if I ever get married. The good thing is that my cousin is getting married next year. Grandma will soon have this wedding fun to torture the newlyweds. She may stop nagging Mama about me now but increase the nagging volume right after the cousin is taken. Luckily Mama has a strong personality too, and even more luckily Mama is on my side.
One thing for sue is that I will not take the somehow-has-become-tradition wedding pictures in professionally fake scenarios created in a photo studio. No one is allowed to get so drunk that ruins my natural high. Jazz music is the background. If I can get a wood floor, tango will be the theme.

Miranda of SATC had one of my ideal weddings: in a garden with a warm-but-not-hot autumn color.
CY & Dave's was great but I would prefer to do it in fall rather than summer.
Y&Y's was great too but I would prefer to do it around sunset instead of sunrise.




Congrats! Muffin and the Pig. --- From the amazing postdoc, Pei von Babyfat

暖灰色 - 我的顏色

在暖灰色寄給胚他的一號作品時，他還沒有個名字。
看了以下這一篇之後，
總編胚說 ：「你的名字叫做暖灰色，就這樣決定了。」

-------------------------------

有一天的一個晚上
跟一個很好的朋友 還有他的姐姐 還有他姐姐的一個朋友
沒有預期的在東區的巷子裡的一個Bar有了短暫的邂逅
本來已經走了
後來聽到有好喝的啤酒 配合當天整個心情 很被誘惑的滾回去了

事情是 後來好朋友說姐姐的朋友說我很Cute
於是 我想了一想可愛 這個形容詞
長大以後 對自己現階段的好跟壞越來越清楚
溫暖 舒服 自在 可愛 (如果不會跟不Man扯上關聯的話)
當別人對我的第一印象有這幾個字眼出現的時候
我是覺得開心的

我希望 不管到什麼年紀 什麼階段
我都能帶給 在我周圍親近的人們 這樣的顏色

事實是
現在稍微外面一點的人
或許看到我的色調是冷冷的灰色
最近甚至發現 是刺人的黑色

我的暖色系 被一圈很厚的層次包在裡面

暖灰色 - 一號

親愛的朋友暖灰色加入 classy colors
因為他說 : 「老了吧，好像想寫一些東西，紀錄下一些畫面，總是懶得用blog...」
所以胚在這裡給他空間，當作是給他的 hugs

一號作品無題，所以總編胚叫它一號

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

好像是電話聊天開始的
相隔好幾州的距離
不是我終究會喜歡的一種類型
可是喜歡她的人應該不少
聰明 活潑 熱情 但是不混亂

不混亂嗎
我忘不掉的是她甜甜的脣膏的味道
到今天 我都還記得

很冷很冷的天氣 我開車到她的宿舍
躲在她的房間 聊了好多好多 很開心的
我想我當時是被她的一些什麼給吸引了
這個晚上好像一張照片一樣 一直收著
連同糖果的香氣 一直一直一直 停留在我的腦海裡

後來她留在美國 我知道她結婚了 有個很疼她的老公

是到後來 我發現其實她的本質有些是適合我的
在強烈燃燒的火花中 反而是看不到的

在她的生活
我的生活 都有強烈的改變以後的某一天
台北的巷子裡的Lounge
表妹找我跟她一起喝酒
很舒服的一個晚上
什麼東西醞釀著誰也不肯發現
在每個眼神裡 卻又是非常明白的
交疊著 上升著 其實沒有超出範圍 是一種臨界而陳舊的感情氛圍

她後來醉了
上車 分開的時候
有一種很明顯的 不捨的情感
不想要分開


Text Message
在兩個人回家的路上
" 我很想你 看到你好像很多事情忽然都跳出來了 "
" 我也很想妳 超乎我自己預期的 朋友或什麼的我也分不清楚 "
" 我明天的飛機 我們可以再見一次面嗎 "
" 明天 我真的不行耶 "
" 拜託 "
" 我盡量看看 "

隔天
並沒有見面
後來
也幾乎沒有聯絡了


我一直覺得 很像電影的橋段
有幾幕電影的畫面
還有一點點的悵然

confessions

Eyes receive physical information and convert it into physiological information for the brain to read. Visual input does not entirely go to the visual cortex for becoming visual perception. A relatively quite small proportion of it goes to the superior colliculus. Even though it is still considered as visual information, it is not "perceived" because perception is not a job of the superior colliculus. Information goes from the superior colliculus to other visually associated brain areas so that sometimes we react to a thing without even seeing the thing yet. (Because the thing has not been seen by the visual cortex, and because the pathway to and from the superior colliculus is faster)
I have been highly interested in this little subcortical structure for some time. Reading much about it. Trying to figure out something implicitly meaningful out of the readings and hopefully to write something explicitly meaningful about it.
From time to time, I pick up an article about the superior colliculus and get excited and read more and filter out internal and external distractions.

For example, people like to talk to Andy, my cubicle neighbor, as the beginning of each day. They talk about sports and movies mostly. Andy is always very patient about the conversation. He can talk about the same movie, which he saw last night, three times if three coworkers come to visit him individually at 9:01am, 9:05am, and 9:16am. He is very consistent about his opinions, so I get to review his review over and over again.
Today he was giving his take on Wanted.
Sometimes if the morning chatting-with-Andy conversation is revolved around a movie, I may participate since, you know, movies are the ultimate art for me. I saw Wanted too.
All I heard was he did not buy the 400-heart-beats-per-minute crap. I nodded and smiled but that was it. My hearing closed. I believe he said the same sentence at least three times this morning, but I filtered it out because I was hooked to the superior colliculus.

My brain was wired (as in "excited") by the reading topic and coffee.
I was going to do more after a little jogging in the evening. However, I sat in the couch and veggied out. Caffeine has worn off. My brain probably needs to be loosened up. My eyes could not focus. No visual information received. No words understood. I stared at a cardinal out of my window. This little beautifully red creature must have gotten attention of my superior colliculus so that my eyes now fixed at it.

So I think about Wanted.
It is a visually exciting movie with super gorgeous Angelina Jolie (and her naked back), beautiful cars chasing each other, turning bullets, and voice-of-god Morgan Freeman.
However, the story is unbelievably unconvincing. I got bored in the middle of the movie. I didn't care who was going to die in the next second.

So I turn to read my collection of essays and stories from internet. My collection goes way back. I read a piece by jht in 1998. I read a joke forwarded to me in 2001.
A title of a text file attracts my attention: coffee with salt. I frown and open it. It is a short story with a take-home message.

On their first date, the guy ordered a cup of coffee and asked for salt. This behavior somehow attracted the gal. She thought he was unique and funny. Later they started seeing other and got married. 40 years later, the guy died and left a letter for the gal.
In the letter, the guy confessed that he actually did not like coffee with salt. He was nervous on the first date and said something wrong to the waitress. But seeing the gal's smile (finally after a socially awkward dinner), he did not dare to correct the mistake. Therefore, for 40 years, he drank coffee with salt because he was afraid of losing her. She was so moved that this man had been lying for loving her.
The take-home message was: bullshitting men are the winners. 會虎濫的男人果然比較吃香

I don't remember reading this. I don't remember why I keep this for years. I smile at my poor memory and think about another movie P.S. I Love You.
I cried pretty hard when seeing the movie. I also laughed very hard too. The subject of the story is nothing new at all. The husband died. Before his death, he arranged letters to arrive at the wife's hand in different ways at different times. She went on a journey of life without him and found that she could actually live without him.
I had been resistant and not seen the movie. I didn't believe I would like it at all.
But I like it. I am glad that I like it -- a surprise from a low-expectation movie. It was well made. It fits my model of the ultimate art. I had the same mental states for Atonement too.
If one of the letters in P.S. I Love You was "actually I never liked to wear what you gave me", and if the wife was moved by the confession, I would not like the story and would feel my tears wasted. The man who drank coffee with salt for 40 years must not be lovable. If one cannot be oneself in front of his/her life partner, what's the point of spending the rest of life together. Love cannot be the excuse of all behaviors.

Coffee has to be good in the air, in the sinus, in the mouth, in the throat, and in the brain. Only money, not love, may make me drink it with salt. Ewwww

Confession can ruin things. It ruins Wanted even though other stuff already ruined it.
"I am your father." He said to the killer.
I could not even laugh at this lameness. It was just a disastrous line to say.

The take-home message is: when the movie is not worth discussing, I can focus better on my research; when I can't focus, I can always think about movies. I should have gone to the movie business and read about the visual system for entertainment.

點點們

如果我可以一直童言童語直到天荒地老... 啊，多好。
青的留言裡，寫著 "點點們"，我笑了。

麻嗎很喜歡中華電信的叫把拔廣告 ，因為那小鬼的聲音跟我的聲音很像。

小學三年級的時候，我轉學到復興小學，開始跟一個同學很要好，她家離學校滿近的，可以走路上下學，但是我要坐公車，她都會陪我等公車，我們一起鬼吼鬼叫，語助詞和語尾疊字詞越來越多越來越卡通化。自己被自己的聲音逗的笑到不行，還好台北市的路人懂得什麼叫做疏離，從沒多看我們幾眼。
但是上了國中之後，她離開了復興，我一夕之間長大，童年暫停，直到大學的時候才又重新開始。
童年暫停的那時候，從來沒有人說我可愛，也沒有人叫我妹妹，麵攤的老闆總是叫我小姐，從十二歲起我就一直被叫小姐。走在路上被攔下來做問卷，問卷做完才知道我的數據不能用，因為未成年。

在我的第二個童年裡，我發現我跟麻嗎講話的聲音像小孩，同學聽到我講電話都會笑我。
然後我發現我跟男友講話的聲音也像小孩。
那個時候我迷上一部大陸連續劇 "像霧像雨又像風"，我講話的樣子就像是周迅的角色 -- 心智年齡困在八歲。

離開大學生涯，我以為童音不會再現，結果我跟麻嗎、男友、Zabeth 講話的樣子還是一個沒長進的童音，沒想到講英文也可以這樣搞，自己都嚇到。
他們都說我應該去當卡通配音員。

當你很靠近很靠近我的真心的時候，當我莫名的覺得很安全的時候，我就變成小孩，我就變成一個笨笨的小孩，然後也不是故意裝模作樣就變可愛了。

十幾歲的時候，我有一個過老的靈魂，總是給人很老成的印象。
二十出頭的時候，總覺得我很幸運的被一群 "大人" 圍繞著，我只要乖乖的坐在一旁，有人會來幫我事情搞定。打個電話說餓了，就有飯可以吃﹔衣服破了，等大人有空的時候，會有得補﹔皺著眉頭說我不會，會的人就會來跟我說沒關係。
現在二十要尾巴了，才發現過去五六年的歲月裡，"可愛" 這個形容詞如影隨形，回台北的時候，夜市老闆和計程車司機都叫我妹妹，還有人以為我是高中生。我終於體會到十幾歲女生應該要體會的稱謂。

前幾天我到醫院的行政中心辦理新的帳號，那秘書要我填一些表格，然後她輸入一些有的沒的到她的電腦系統裡，從她的表情看來過程進行得似乎不是很順利，所以我問她我是不是還要給她一些資料。"No no no, all you need to do now is to stay beautiful. I'll take care of it." 她說。
我立刻喜歡上她，她是大人，她讓我可以就安心的坐在那哩，乖乖的等她把事情搞定，然後我微笑的坐在那裡，心情很小鬼頭的，無限的安全感: 如果現在天塌下來，有大人在這裡幫我擋著。

一個人住，話就少了，童言童語的機會就少了。
擬人化依然在我的生活中存在著，但是我不會沒事對物品說話，可是我會比手畫腳，因為它們不會講話啊，可是它們心領神會，當它們倒了或是打到我的頭，我會瞪它們或是對它們指指點點。

現在是上班族，每天要打扮得像個大人，高跟鞋和西裝褲，口紅和 "I'm Doctor"的自我介紹，童言童語被官話和職業笑容取代，每天晚上除了身體要做瑜珈，臉部肌肉也要做瑜珈。

我有一些點點們，藏在心裡面，要對的人對的事對的語言來點亮，我很高興點點們都還在。
所以看到 "點點們" 就笑了，好像心裡的一顆點點被觸碰到。
看了 WALL-E，一直在微笑。看了國慶煙火，一直在微笑。
哪天，你聽到我的童音的時候，應該還是會微笑吧。麻嗎，是吧?

pair up and die

As I put in a previous entry, why I like Spiderman so much is because I felt butterfly-like kind of thing as seeing him swinging in Manhattan, which indicates that I want to be Spiderman.
I like movies of Batman but I don't want to be Batman. He is not very likable. Personally I prefer not to be close to him.
I like Ironman as a friend. I want to be his pal but don't want to be him.
I never like any female superhero. I like cats. But I don't like Catwoman. Elektra is basically an awful movie so that I have no memory about the character at all. But I remember what happened that night vividly. Oh... that was a winter night. I was in my car and realized how ridiculous my behavior was. I was not the driver, by the way. The driver, after that night, has disappeared from my life because I was awakened by this awful movie, which by coincidence matched the awfulness of that period of time. Now I am deviating too far from the topic.

I like Hancock. He can fly. He has a dry sense of humor that somehow makes me laugh. I fall for anyone who makes me laugh easily. I almost decided that I wanted to be him in the middle of the movie. But WOW, Mary showed her supernatural ability. I want to be her!
I buy the story totally. They were made as a pair long long long ago before time. There were many of their kind. But all of them (except for Hancock and Mary) had paired up and died.
Oh... when Mary said that line "paired up and died", my heart melted. How corny and true. This is what I want eventually: pair up with my man and die with him at the end. Super power is just something nice but not essential.
However, the world they lived needed them, at least Hancock. They must not pair up and die in the movie. They had to separate. Hancock lived a loner superhero life, and Mary temporarily lived a normal life with her lover. She would live forever anyway until Hancock was allowed to retire. What a great deal for Mary :)
I want to be Mary, who can fly, is physically stronger than Hancock, and has sweet smile with a hot body. But I don't want to be named Mary.

Toughness will be gone when two right people pair up.
After years of dating, one thinks that she will never take off her toughness, and that her appearance will never be softened. Luckily, things usually don't go as one expects. It is just that it will take more efforts to melt down the mask.
How many times does it take to break the heart totally? There is no answer for that. Even a major heartbroken event will not guarantee an end to the possibility of falling in love again.
Keep breathing. Crying is ok. Take as much time as you need. When love comes, don't hesitate. Well... hesitation is hard to overcome. This is the only drawback of heartbroken experience. She is so afraid of falling. Again. She is so cautious and analyzing all the "signs" and rehearsing lines to say and suppressing spontaneous reactions to the other person.
What if... should I.... or.....? Questions after questions are running in her head. Thinking too much can easily misinterpret the heart beat. But she can't just go for it. History can repeat. Experience predicts the future.
So I say a decision in a relationship needs some compulsion. You really want to pair up NOW?

One thing I feel difficult for Mary is that she lives long. She has to suppress the need of getting close to Hancock. The time is not right yet. Ending is not there yet. So they can't be happy yet. Happy ending is not easy to earn. Such is life.
Sometimes you meet someone, you are like "Darn, why can't he show up later in my life? Later when I am allowed to settle down and when he can too."

The story about the night of Elektra is about a heartbroken man and me. His broken heart made him hesitated too much, and I lost my patience. I let him go without regret. THIS was a happy ending as I see it.

old things found

My room is different than a year ago when I moved in.
I like rearranging stuff so that I can find things that I have forgotten. It is always like a treasure hunting. I like cleaning things up. Storing old useless stuff is totally wasting space. If I have not used some thing in a year, and if I don't feel finding a treasure, and if I don't feel a thing when I see it, I toss it away.
I do the same thing with my computerized things. Every time when I back my hard drive, I check if there's anything I can drag to the trash can and save some e-space.

My first computer was operated on Windows 95. I still have some stuff from that computer dinosaur era. I move them from computer to computer. I back them up again and again. I don't wanna lose them.
I kinda know what they are. I don't wanna open them because I will spend a lot of time, say viewing through all the pictures or reading all the old essays I wrote.

Even some folders that do not contain any personal memory are dangerously time-sucking.
In my backup hard drive, there are two folders named "illusion". In my computer, there is one with the same name. I want to make sure I don't overwrite or miss anything. I open them. I thought I would not get surprised by any visual illusion anymore. Oh no, illusion is art. Our visual system is fascinating.... I should probably start writing my research statement as I am so inspired now.
In the name of art and science, time can be killed.

Frog-faced horse

Jumping dots... you just can't stop them from jumping.
Try stop moving your eyes.

See colors? They are simply black and white stripes.
But you see colors. I know. It's normal. Don't worry.

Aren't they cool?
So cool :)
Let me write another research proposal.
Old things found. My old motivation and pleasure in research is found.