i have a dream...

Six years ago, in a family lunch thing in Grandma's place, Mom's elder brother said to me (with a lecture-giving whatever-I-say-must-be-the-rule-because-I-am-the-male-in-the-family kind of attitude):
There is little point for a woman to pursue a PhD. When you finish the study, you will be an old virgin, and no one is going to marry (= take) you.
In Chinese, there are two verbs for "marry". When the verb "marry" 娶 is used by a male (or on a female), it also means "take", i.e., take her away from her family to his family.

I had been a good kid in the family. It means I had been quiet and not expressing my thoughts in front of traditional-conservative-minded relatives. However, that day which was the last family function before my departure to the States, I said something back:
It is ok. I will marry (= take) a husband.
My choice of the verb irritated not only my uncle but also Grandma, who shushed me and said I was talking nonsense.

Last weekend, Dr. Anna threw a party for Kim. Kim finished her fellowship program and is going to move onto an academic position. It was a family-friendly party. Co-workers brought their significant others. Children were running around.
I had met Dr. Anna's husband before. I knew he's a stay-at-home dad. When I first learned his job, I smiled and thought Dr. Anna's living my dream. This time, I learned actually she's not quite living my dream because her husband hates cooking.
"I am so glad about the opening of the Eden Gourmet Market. I don't cook anymore. Thank God." He said to me when I asked where he found the delicious fish salad for the party. I nodded and agreed with him. I love the Eden Gourmet Garden too. It is the best thing happened in South Orange. But I would prefer a husband who cooks well.

In the party, it was Kim and Chris's first time meeting Dr. Anna's significant other. Kim was not approving this man's job.
She didn't say so but I could hear it when she answered Chris's question "What does he do?" Yesterday, we three were in Kim's car, catching up the residual topics from a week before.
"He's a stay-at-home dad." Kim's voice is full of the opposite of excitement. I could feel her head was shaking and her eyes were rolling upwards.
"I wish my husband is a stay-at-home dad." I said.
"You do?" Kim was not approving again.
"Yes, why not. He will take care of kids, go grocery shopping, and cook. I will do the cleaning." This is my dream.
"We have a friend who's a stay-at-home dad. We are worried about him. He is totally dependent on his wife. He is doing nothing but taking care of kids. It is not healthy." Chris probably was trying to explain why Kim's upset.
"Yes, it is unhealthy too if it's the other way around." I said.
"But it's more acceptable." Kim said.
"So? I have seen so many wives who depend on their husbands for their entire lives. Once the children grow up, they got lost. They don't know what to do to their lives. They don't have any living skills. They can't defend themselves when their husbands are found having affairs. They are stuck in their marriages helplessly. Acceptable? What does that mean?" I went for a speech.
"That is sad." Kim said, and I figured she got my point.
"Dr. Anna's husband is not just taking care of the kids. He is a writer, working at home. His income may not be as high as Dr. Anna's. I believe he can survive without her. I believe both of them are happy about their roles in the family. No one is contributing less than the other. They build, share, and maintain the family together." I said in my head. Well.... I could not say it out loud because I was driving and trying not to miss the correct intersection to the highway so that I could drive Kim and Chris safely to the airport.

On today's New York Times, an article "The Wife's at Work, So..." made me smile and gave me hope that my dream can come true because there are already many women living my dream! Plus, these husbands seem happy. Some of them look neat and handsome.
So let me share my dream. My uncle doesn't read English. Even if I write in Chinese, he never visits my blog anyway. Even if he read my blog, I don't care his opinion about my life.
Here we go.

In my dream, my husband is an okay-looking guy with extremely beautiful eyes. He is about five inches taller than me. He is not skinny, bony or zero body fat. He is awesome for hugs. His belly is awesome for being my pillow. He smells nice. He doesn't have to dance tango, but he can't tell me that I can't dance tango. He makes me smile all the time. He knows how to make me laugh and do it quite often.

He drinks tea, coffee, wine, and beer. He doesn't smoke. He is not a vegetarian or pure meat eater. He reads newspapers. He enjoys going to a movie. He promotes a healthy life style but does not yell at people who don't care. He knows when to express his wittiness and when to be quiet. He is also good in bed.

He is the man in charge of our kitchen. He reads daytime and bedtime stories to our children. He plays with them. He doesn't dismiss them by saying "go to mom".
He plans vacation trips for us. He keeps in touch with his old friends and makes new friends. He is not shy in social events. He introduces me to his friends and himself to my friends.
He brings income too. He does a job that allows him to work home. This income can be more than I earn. We both put money into daily living and future planning. He can be the accountant of the family.

He has a mini cooper. I don't know why I have a thing for mini coopers and their male owners. I think female bug drivers are cute (such as myself) and male mini cooper drivers are sexy (probably not physically but sexy in a nerdy way).

Just let me dream. I will meet a guy who has a mini cooper. We will fall in love. And we marry (= take) each other.