superstars

Last year, I found a superstar.

From Crazy Halloween

This year, I found that I've had a superstar in my life:

From Halloween 2009

This morning, mama and I took a walk in the streets, covered with yellow and red leaves and with Halloween spooky decorations. It reminded me of the summer day when I was 15. We took a walk in the ZhongShan North Road in Taipei, simply walking and talking, enjoying trees and people. Over the years, mama and I have changed and stayed the same.



Judy left.
On the most beautiful day of this fall. The sky was cloudless and blue. The breeze brought scents of leaves. The air was fresh after two days of rain. The sun was bright and warm.

I met Judy when I was eleven. We were about the same height so we sat in the last row of the desks in the classroom. But how did we become close friends? I cannot recall. I think I was admiring her beauty.
She carried herself so elegantly confident even at the age of eleven. She always stood and sat straight. She smiled, lowering her head. She pronounced perfect clear Mandarin, and I believed she would become a news anchor on TV. She was always polite in words and in action. All these qualities distanced herself from most of the teenagers in school but attracted teachers' attention as well as mine.
I wanted to be like her or to be her.

A year later, she left to another junior high. One year after high school, she moved to the States. After college years, she moved to London. Two and half years ago, she moved to New York. And we met again. Two days ago, she left New York.
Like seasons, she has been in and out of my life, at the same time stayed in my life.
Her beauty has remained. Now she still carries herself confident, elegant, and polite. She now also speak British-American English. I wish she would not become a news anchor on TV in Taiwan for she is capable to be something better.

Over the years, I have had been over the crush on her and admired other people serving as my models. I have grown to be myself. Over the years, finally we both experienced unbearable domestic situations, got hearts broken, got hurt, felt love, and more. We both stand on our own feet and move forward fiercely while remembering how to breathe.
I wish she becomes a superstar with a stronger heart. And be well and happy.


~HAPPY BELATED HALLOWEEN~

Halloween 2009

隱私

隔壁桌坐了一對男女，女的在問男的要怎麼改寫她的履歷表和教學理念，很顯然的她正在申請大學教職，她的專長在伊朗和印度電影，男的專長在怎麼用寫作來突顯這女的專長。

一開始男的在解釋履歷分兩種，一種是學術界的長長履歷，越多頁表示資歷越多或是成就越多。一種是寫給業界的，越簡要越好，重點在怎麼把突顯自己有多麼適合應徵的職務。他說他在研究所的修過一門寫履歷的課。

我差點把咖啡噴出來。先生，你哪裡畢業的？居然有開專門寫履歷的課，太坑學分費了吧。

女的一面點頭一面寫筆記。然後開始解釋教學理念，她想要開一門討論伊朗或是印度電影的課，她講的不清不楚，似乎對自己想要敎什麼並沒有完全的把握，不之所以然的重覆著「是啊，你知道的，就是藉由電影表現當地的文化。你知道的。」

you know 是普遍的口頭禪，表示說話的人其實不太知道怎麼表達。You know.

男的很專業的跟她說「文化」包含的意義和範疇太廣，這個表現不出她的專才，要再更明確一點。他問她能不能闡述印度電影的特色，她開始長篇大論，她講到一個段落，男的換句話說把她剛剛說的話轉成漂亮的用詞遣字，男的一邊說女的一邊抄寫。女的寫完，一個字一個字唸出她寫的段落，男的再加以修改。女的對伊朗電影的教學理念也用同樣的模式變成筆記本上的墨印。

前前後後三個小時，我聽得一清二楚，我說我快聽不下去了，那男的聲音好討厭，那女的怎麼一副笨蛋樣卻要當教授。
我以為當女的收起筆記本，他們也該離開了。並沒有，開始閒聊天氣，男的說這季節很容易生病，例如他得了H1N1 (aka "swine flu")，他說他已經痊癒了，他說他的症狀沒有發燒卻是喉嚨很痛。
我立刻跟班比說我們該遠離這裏了。

我常常覺得當隔壁桌的聽到我跟班比只用中文對話的時候，他們的音調就會提得更高，似乎認為我們這兩個異鄉人一定會讓出英文的對話空間給他們使用。他們在想什麼啊？在美國，只有美國人只會一種語言。

我跟班比常常評論隔壁桌的對話，然後猜測對話的兩個人是什麼關係，還有我們喜歡他們的程度。我們的悄悄話一點也不需要掩飾，可以很刻薄很直接，訓練我們一定要用中文表達一些字眼或是概念，否則隔壁桌會設下心防越講越小聲，那麼我們去咖啡廳和熱門餐廳的樂趣就會減低了。

前幾天，我們在法拉盛的一家以小籠湯包聞名的餐館，高朋滿座而且九成華人，食客都很有禮貌的維持自己的聲量，我們也不會說人是非，畢竟那場子裡中英文都可以通的。後來進來一男一女，女的說「要快的，我們要開會呢」，男的就跟夥計說「來籠湯包」，夥計說湯包要等，女的就說「不能等，我們趕時間」，夥計說「要快，麵最快」，女的瞄了我們的桌子一眼問：「他們吃那什麼麵？那什麼餅？」於是整家店都知道我們吃什麼麵什麼餅。
終於他們決定了要點什麼菜，我跟班比翻了翻眼，那男的手機嘹亮的響了起來，他接起來就吼「喂！做什麼？吃飯啊。在餐館。怎麼樣？等一下開會呢，是啊」
班比小聲跟我說：「中文比英文更難防堵，一定聽得到聽得懂。」我把聲音放亮了說：「要不要我打電話給你，然後我們兩個就面對面用手機說話，因為隔壁的太大聲了。」
我不確定那對男女有沒有聽見，我只知道當他們的麵上桌的時候，女的說「不說話不說話了，趕緊吃吧。」

隱私是相對的，你哭你的，我大聲嚷嚷我的，你談你的情，我繼續講我的手機，你閒話你的，我聽我的。沒有人在分享，沒有人說不準偷聽。沒有人說陌生人不能加入。

job interviews

Do they seriously want to get this job?
Do they know that there are certain things you do not say or do in a job interview?

One guy sported his hair long, so long that it covered his eyes sometimes. He walked not just with his back hunched, but also with arms hanging as if he neglected them and let them dangle to all directions. Hm... Excuse me? We are in a Research Center, working closely with hospital staff and patients. We're not hiring an artist (even an artist should show me some respect in a job interview).

Another person had his first question on the salary rate. He also chose not to tell me that he had been accepted to a medical school next year. This information was leaked from his reference contacts. Well... asking salary in the first encounter is so not recommended. And it is bad that I found out something which could have been told directly from the applicant.

Another applicant literally used the f word in the conversation with my boss.

One lady shook hands with zero grip force as if I was holding a weightless patient who would die in the next minute. Hello? Are you so scared or nervous? Stand straight and play it as you mean it! Don't run away before I say "nice meeting you and goodbye".

A person's writing samples were lack of titles, headers, references, or anything close to a standard writing format such as APA. Hey... this is not acceptable. Please take care each detail before submitting anything for job application.

I thought how to behave in a job interview followed rules of common senses.
You pay attention to your interviewer. You look directly into her eyes. You nod. You smile. You say thankyou often. You shake hands firmly. You ask questions. You initiate conversations leading her to talk. You, actually, should be a listener, and only talk when necessary. When talking, you say everything as if you are the expert: concise, appropriate, to the point, and importantly, humble.
You have to perform all these especially if you have not much working experience at all in the field that you want to work.
You smile. You nod.

The worst applicant I have ever encountered was a Clinical Psychologist, applying for the fellowship. He gave a job talk that contained no contents. He only had 5 slides including the title page, which in fact did not bear a title of his "talk". The first slide he presented his name and the location of his presentation, which everyone knew was the Research Center. So the topic was himself or the Research Center?
It turned out the topic was himself because he spent 15 minutes saying how good he was as a clinician and a researcher while providing no evidence. "Oh, I am very good at stats. I didn't bring the data today, but I participated in this and that studies, meaning I am very good. Trust me. I am good."
When asked to describe his research projects, he avoided the question but kept saying his rich experience in data analysis and how nerdy he could be to finish work at home while raising his young children.
I had only one question to him: Do you know what a job talk should be like? But I didn't ask. He was not hired.

I am receiving more applications for the RA positions. Some applicants live far away. I don't understand why anyone would like to relocate to another state for an entry-level job. Perhaps the job market is actually this bad. Other applicants have no clue about the Research Center and think they can work here without a driver's license.
As I interviewed more applicants, I found myself filtering CVs with criteria on school name, major, and school performance. Yes, records do matter. How am I supposed to guess if you are a good candidate? I guess based on your records. If I cannot make a decision based on my guess, I invite you for an interview.
Two applicants I met were from the same school, the same program. What a lesson, I thought after I met them, and the lession is I will not interview any of grads from that program any time soon.

Yesterday, I was waiting in my office. The applicant was 15-minute late for her appointment. I would give her 5 more minutes and delete her name from my record. As if on cue, my phone rang. The receptionist informed me that this young lady was actually here on time, but she was busy receiving other visitors' registration and let the applicant wait for 15 minutes. I suddenly had a good feeling about this candidate, who was able to have a stranger apologize for her.
I walked over to pick her up. She slowly turned her head while hearing the approaching sound of my heels knocking the floor. "Dr. C?" She has the most innocent eyes. I smiled and offered my hand, "Hi! I am Pei." She immediately stood up, shaking my hands, smiling, with her eyes smiling as well, "Hi! I'm a person whose eyes can smile." No, she did not say that. But I can't reveal her real name here.
Smiley-eye had me at that moment.
She paid attention to her interviewer, me. She looked directly into my eyes. She nodded. She smiled. She said thankyou often. She shook hands firmly. She initiated conversations leading me to talk. When asked with questions, she answered calmly, consicely, and appropriately. She sat at the first half of the chair with her back straight. She smiled. She nodded.
Even though she did not have much experience in working with clinical populations, I feel that she would become very good at it. Patients would love her.
RAs and Jenny then met her, and liked her very much. So I told her at the end of the interview that we decided to invite her back for the second interview. Her eyes smiled again.

First impression does matter.
Since long time ago, Mama has told me that beauty matters. Beauty can be presented in many ways. Being confident and neat and respectful actually brings impression of being beautiful. People like seeing beautiful people. If you offer something attractive at the first sight, the chance of getting being known and liked is much higher.

You, before examinig yourself, don't complain that the market is tough and you cannot get a job. Behave and be prepared like you really want the job.

tango lesson 101

Colgada demo by Daniela Pucci and Luis Bianchi

I feel differently about my body and about how to connect my body to another body in tango. This difference did not come from deliberate changes or conscious modifications to my dancing skills. It just came as time goes. Tango does not like yoga. Yoga requires daily or at least very frequent practices (e.g., 3 days a week, 1.5 hr a day) to feel improvement of the body change, which is very subtle and very rewarding, so rewarding that I could smile in the process of getting into a posture.

Tango is not like yoga, although I have previously acknowledged the similarity between the two. In the current stage of my tango career, I found that tango needs time to sink into the center of each muscle fiber and reach the holistic structure of bones and tendons, both of which finely controlled effortlessly but mindfully. Thus, taking a break of a couple weeks does not reduce the dancing sensibility. Actually sometimes my dances were better after a break from the tango for weeks. I thought about tango, watched tango, imagined how to tango, and suddenly I got rid of bad habits after a break. The result is a better dancer of me. I am able to walk onto the dance floor once a week to start a good practice and induce two good smiles, and my body learns.

What my body has learned opens my mind. After many tango workshops, festivals, milongas, practicas, etc., now when I see a good dancer or a great pair of dancers, I know I can definitely reach their levels and be fully comfortable with my body led by a leader to do all possibilities.

Tango dance floors are cruel. Yes, many dancers are judgmental because we all want to have fun. But some dancers care too much about the forms and the way how to get into certain movements. Hey! This is not the international ballroom tango. This is social dance tango! Tango is NOT yoga, in which postures need to be done in certain ways. Tango is about trust, confidence, and great fun. Being creative is one major major reason that I keep on tangoing for years.

See the video at the beginning of this post? They are having fun, creating various movements with one principal topic: colgada -- sharing axis. This is all about trust, confidence, and great fun. They try to teach how to be relaxed and to have fun.

I was in their workshop last weekend of the Princeton tango festival. Luis was quite a character with superb humor and playfulness. I found many young male teachers this way. They make tango floors like a play ground with genuine laughter. I was in fact very surprised by Daniela. Being a tango dancer for almost 5 years, I found workshops more targeting toward leaders and much less toward followers. Daniela was a great follower teacher! Being sensitive is already an established ability in me as a tango dancer. But to respond to a lead with a precise muscle control or "not to control" is something that I have not mastered. Daniela would walk over and adjust me like a yoga teacher, "this muscle, not that one. very good. breathe. nice. feel it?" And I would smile and know I can do it.

Some people just don't get it. They are frustrated and convinced that they cannot do certain moves. So they push themselves too hard on a tiny thing. So they push their partners into a position. Oh, I hate leaders who push me. All followers are judgmental about pushy leaders. Oh, you have to have confidence in yourself and relax and have fun and try again and have fun and smile. Possibilities exist. You just need to reveal them with an open mind and body. AND allow the other body to share this fun.

Or find a good teacher who can open your mind and thus your body.