牛年最後一次月圓

才三天前，五點的下班時間天已經全黑了，加上連續好幾天接進冰點的低溫，我只想趕快飆回家。離開辦公室的時候，Priyanka 走進研究中心，她在趕一份研究經費的申請案，從醫學院下了課之後就來繼續工作。我跟她說別待太晚了。想當初我也是博士學生的時候，也是經常在實驗室裡度過所有醒著的時間，偶爾也有一些小睡的時間。

今天走出辦公室才五點十五，天上打下刺眼的光，一顆像是大號　pizza 的滿月掛在仰角約四十度的天空對著我笑。是因為我對著它笑，所以我覺得它在對我笑，我整個臉都是月光，微笑著的月光。它不像我家小月是介於鵝黃色和正黃色的，它是 2B 鉛筆的橘黃色。
天色一點都不黑呢，是寶藍色的，像我家幫幫的顏色，幫幫正停在停車場，越光打著他，像是掛在天上的畫布掉下來的顏料。
看的我臉都僵了，氣溫只有零下八度，我還是躲進幫幫裡。一路上大大圓圓的月亮跟著我回家。

住在緯度高的地方的好處是，可以感受每天白天長度的變化，換季時那一兩天的驚喜，然後提醒著我人就是如此藐小，在人生有限的時間裡太陽系的運轉幾乎是永恆不變。
我想要在不同的緯度體驗四季變化，我想要在不同的陸地測量月光的波長和認知的月色。我還有時間去看看永恆不變的運轉下造成的因時因地不同的週期變化。我還有時間，不能浪費了。

過去十年的努力，我到了這裡。我很慶幸我努力了，所以現在的路比較好走不是僥倖。我要用下一個十年來做些新的事情，不需要再過著博士學生或是博士後研究員的生活了。月色如此美。

keep breathing

My uncle, the younger one from my mom's side (xiao jiu jiu), has been staying in a hospital for about two weeks. He could not breathe on his own. Somehow his lungs are failing him.

I could not imagine how he looks like now. I never saw him lying down on his back.
He has polio. His spine is like a 3D spiral, pushing his organs into positions quite abnormal. He has big hands and a big head. He always said that he would be a tall guy if his spine could have been straightened and if he could stand up. He is a lefty because he cannot control any muscle in his right hand. When I was little, I saw him crawling on the floor, and watched relatives carrying him upstairs. He operated his powered wheelchair on a modified motor vehicle. He drove it as far as he could go. He would love to see the world.
He loves talking to people and listening to people. He is a fortune teller. Did he know that this is his bad year? He always said the end of a year (Chinese lunar calendar year) was the worst time for bad luck: everyone was trying to get pass through the year gate. I wish he will be back home before the year Tiger.

I had liked to talk to him before I decided to study cognitive psychology. To explain cognitive psychology to a fortune teller is not easy. For the sake of convenience, I told him I wanted to study the brain. He got very excited and wished I could eventually find a way for him to transplant his entire central nervous system to a healthy walking body. (I guess he has not had time to see the movie "Avatar"... I do not think he ever went to a movie theater at all.)
It was harsh for me to tell him that I didn't think transplanting an entire CNS was possible in my life time. For me, to dream with him is a cruel reality check that he is never able to have a straight spine, to stand up or to walk.
I also did not ask about my fortune when talking to him. He and I gradually could not find a topic interesting both of us, and things of life kept happening, and we've been separated to two very different worlds.

He became a father. Who knew he would get such a great wife and build a family?
I became me. Who knew I would be an English speaker for 90% of my daily functions?
But he is not just a relative living remotely away from me. He is a family. Mama taught him how to read and write. He respects her and loves her kids. When I heard he had hard time absorbing oxygen, I felt so helpless and useless. I wish I could be there for Mama, who must have been so distressed. I wish I could be there for xiao jiu jiu's wife, who must have been so pretending she was alright.
Mama just told me that a device was placed in his lungs and hopefully it will work. I really hope so. I really hope it will work for a long time.

小月的旅程

民國九十一年... 大概只有台灣人知道民國是什麼玩意，我已經不知道現在是民國哪一年了，總之民國九十一年是我用西元年的開始，那年2002 八月十三，小月在我的隨身行李裡跟著我飛到了美國賓州。





2007 五月，小月跟我搬到紐澤西。有多明尼加來的小月神陪她坐在一起。

2009 年底，她離開我去歐洲旅行：

小月歐洲行

2010 lists

I feel quite content these days and actually have not as many wishes as previous years. Alternatively, I found many things hopeless, which will not improve with wishes.
However, hopes make life more beautiful. Wishes make dreams more romantic.
Here is my wish-to-do list for 2010. Let's make some high expectations and work hard to meet them!

1. Travel to Japan, Spain, Iceland, New Zealand, or Argentina.

2. Get ten articles published, peer-reviewed or not.

3. Get five research projects funded, federal or not.

4. Learn a new skill, physical or mental.

5. Be more earth-friendly.

6. Participate in an organization or society unrelated to my profession.

7. Accomplish all of the above....

Alright, I was staring at number 7 and could not think of anything else that is more doable than a simple wish...
Next I am going to generate the wish list with items that I will have less control but much hope for their occurrence.

1. Mama and Superstar get healthier and happier.

2. Kim and Chris, Zabeth and Stefan have babies.

3. I get a window and another book shelf in my office.

4. My brother Yu gets his business growing and profiting.

5. Alex finds the job, and all my friends on the job market too.

6. Fewer people spit or litter in the New York subway.

7. All of the above come true.

The year has began. Welcome, 2010. Hope to do my best. Wish for the best.