不知足

十幾歲的時候, 我夢想長大之後要當教授.
後來知道教授的工作內容不太人性化, 而且教授缺難等, 我更改了夢想, 覺得全職研究人員也是不錯的, 只要專心作研究, 不用教書不用帶學生不用管行政.
後來真的變成全職研究人員, 外加教授的職稱, 才知道我要教書要帶學生要管行政, 雖然工作環境不在一般研究大學裡, 教學的對象大多是已經有大學以上或是碩士以上學歷, 但是我的工作內容跟我的夢想的確是有一大段落差. 有的時候都不知道我在忙什麼, 為什麼而忙碌. 行政工作和研究工作的分界原來是很模糊的, 偶爾還要兼公關.

好幾次, 我想重新再來過, 改做其他事情. 做什麼呢?  我又在發夢了...
慈善非營利機構做人道工作?  我已經在慈善非營利機構了！
我發表的論文也從純認知心理學跨到半醫學社會人文類, 似乎可算是我對人道工作的間接貢獻.

我好想要到處旅行, 那就發夢換個需要旅行的工作.
因為學術研討會和學術訪問, 我其實還滿常飛來飛去的... 而且我常依照開會地點來決定要不要參加會議... 
下個月, 整個月, 我要去德國 Tuebingen 參與一位教授的研究團隊. 除了我喜歡這位教授的研究內容和方法,我選擇這個小鎮是因為我的多年好友 Zabeth 住在那裡.

所以說, 其實多多少少我已經落實夢想. 誰每天都稱心如意呢? 如果一個工作天裡有 50% 是純粹的開心, 就真的令人滿足. 這包括八小時的好眠, 和四小時的工作成就感 (e.g., 寫完兩頁的 Discussion).
我要學會知足, 可是每次達成目標後, 我都會有點失落, 我就是要找事情做.
人生就是不停的發夢, 不停的追夢.

下一個夢, 我想要住在我愛的人身邊. 紐約或是台北. 然後我可以繼續做入世的研究, 繼續邊旅行邊工作.

 

proposal

I have no dream for my wedding. I am not saying that I don't like weddings. I almost always shedded tears in weddings especially during the vow exchange. I just never imagined my own wedding because I don't feel it's necessary for my life or for my marriage if it ever happens.
Getting married is to legalize the social unit in which two people (in the context of the main-stream cultural style) staying together as lovers, financial supporters, live-in companions, and even soul mates. But why is it necessary for the government or a religious organization recognizes my personal choice of life partner?  Why do I need a license for it?  I have had doubt about the involvement of such legal process -- and social expectation -- for as long as I can remember.  Do not blame all the failed marriages for my doubt.  I always have doubts in situations where I feel being forced to comply.

I also do not fancy any kind of traditional or conventional weddings. I think spending loads of money and time in taking wedding pictures before the wedding itself is absurd. That's right. Taiwanese people have been doing so as a regular wedding preparation for decades.  Now this fashion is adopted by other Asian countries.  People usually do not look like themselves in those pictures because they are dressed in outfits that do not belong to them, in makeup and lighting that change the natural features, and in digital editing that transforms them into someone else.  I think wedding-picture taking is only necessary during the actual wedding. I have no objection to hiring professional photographers to catch smiles and other moments during the wedding and reception. 
Any other kinds of conventional things I don't like?  Having the ceremony in any religious setting or building is just not consistent with what I believe.  This extends to the dress. White or red?  Veil or not?  The point is I don't care much about the wedding itself.  A great beautiful glamorous wedding does not guarantee a long-lasting joyful marriage.

However, I have had dreams of proposals since early teens.  Unlike the wedding including people who you don't really know, the proposal is exclusively limited to the two individuals.  Let's not talk about those traditional situations where the guy has to propose to the father of the gal.
I think the act of a marriage proposal puts so much pressure on both individuals that the preparation, the process, and the result are almost always romantic even if the proposal fails.  Yes, I used the word romantic.  My favorite movie-moment of marriage proposals is the one in Stepmom (see the clip below).  I was not 20 yet when seeing that scene. I wished mine would happen in the similar way.




More recently, I found the proposal does not need to be intimate.  A group effort can be very moving too.  Here is the clip making me cry. The guy Isaac really did a great job.

 

And just about a week ago, I saw another proposal following Isaac's approach. I cried again. So hopeless.
 

Although people on some parts of the earth are suffering, this world is still so beautiful with love and lovers who can make their own decisions for their own lives. 
As to my proposal? It happened in the morning after days of not-so-pleasant discussion about the way how I should connect with his family. I woke him up by saying 我們結婚吧 (let's get married).  He agreed.

Yeah... a marriage is not for the two individuals but for the two families. This is especially true when your partner gives his/her family a hugely irreplaceable role in his/her life. I finally made up my mind to have not just him but also his family involved in my life.