white

I dragged myself out of bed at 7:36am, four minutes after my alarm rang. Why did I set my alarm at 7:32? No, I did not. I set it at 7:28, and it would ring every 4 minutes after the snooze button was pressed. Why 7:28 instead of 7:30? Hmm.. I felt better in my head if I could wake up before 7:30.
It was so dark, as dark as last night when I went to bed. While dressing up, I heard the ring tone of a text message. I thought someone somewhere had experienced the first sunset of 2010. It was Naureen who delivered the first sign of the severe weather. She said she would be late to work because of snow.

I centered myself in thick clothing and had my coffee mug in hand and was about to open the front door of my apartment building. That was when I saw snow. Lots of snow. No surface of roads could be seen. My memory of February and March of 2007 came immediately into my visual mind. Oh, no. I breathed deeply and came back home, turning on heat and the computer. I am going to work at home and be productive.
By 10am, I had emailed out three messages that would be discussed in the lab meeting (oh, yes, we had a lab meeting on the last day of the year) and received information about two coworkers who have stuck in traffic since 7am.

Do I love my job?
Comparing to Vince, I should be more qualified to work in a university department of Occupational Therapy. And he actually is more qualified to work in a department of Neuroscience than me. The postdoc chief of the Research Center before me is currently a professor in Occupational Therapy NYU. However, I have not thought about applying a position in an OT department anywhere. Vince has. He is going back to Taipei for teaching in an OT department. My first reaction was not what a friend should behave. I was shocked and felt betrayed. But like Zabeth said: we are running behind an ideal that is not existing and life is short so it might be better to just go after what you know you want the most...even if it means that you are not doing what you always thought you would...

So true. I am now in a path that most cog psych PhDs would not choose: I am working with patients. I love the topic that I am doing research on. Spatial Neglect is fascinating, especially when I see it happening in front of my eyes. The other job contents were not expected in my life-long student years, but now I have learned how to do all those and hope doing them well.
How many people work in the exact same field as their highest school degrees? I would say less than 30%. It is because most jobs out there in the real world do not match a degree title. When they match, there are thousands of people compete for them. We do what we can offer. We do what makes us happiest.
I chose to stay near Manhattan because I could not stay away from a big city anymore. Life quality is prior to career development. This is in my blood of a city girl. When I was desperate looking for a living, mama said to me you do what makes you happy, my girl. My life accomplishment are my work and my children. However, I wish my biggest accomplishment was myself. At the end, only what makes you happy matters.
It is always easy to say so to others. I thank her for being unconditionally supportive.
I had said similar things to mama and others. But when it comes to myself, I struggle. Sticking to a goal that may conflict with other goals is so .... like a religious faith: You just wish the goal can be reached even though other goals may be sacrificed.

So do I love my job? Yes, because I love my life.
Winter is cold and snowy here, but I love seasonal changes. Like Millie said, we complain but we love it. It is so pretty. It makes you feel thankful that you can appreciate Nature in daily life.

HAPPY NEW YEAR's EVE
Stay warm and drive safe. Love yourself and your life.
See you next year.

2009 done list

I bought 5 magazines summarizing what happened in 2009 and predicting what may happen in 2010. I guess the journalists pretend the last week of 2009 would be news-less. There are some articles reminding readers of the first decade of the 21st century.
The first decade of the 21st century contains my 20s. The last week of 2009 is of personal importance to me. I am going to say goodbye to my 20s.

How may I summarize my 20s? This is an impossible task. I can only summarize the last year of my 20s, which has been done in this blog. Just click the column on your right-hand side, and you're welcome to read all the entries.
In the first entry of 2009, I posted a list. Let's review it and see if I have made all the items better.

10. The car is good. Bungbung ran more than 5000 miles from Aug to Nov, which broke my driving record. It usually ran that much in 8 to 10 months, but 2009 has been proved to be a year of lots of traveling.

9. I never give it up because I have never made it. Every time I thought I removed some fat, fat renewed itself. I will keep trying.

8. I was not involved in HR. If I were, I would've hired two people within a week when I submitted the paperwork. I interviewed 8 applicants and decided to hire 2 of them. The final decisions were made not just by me (I wish) in October. The two new employees started their positions mid December. What happened? I don't wanna recall this.

7. I got a grant! Thanks to Mr. Obama. I need more. One big deadline is in February. Wish me luck.

6. I emailed a person. I met the other. 2009 is a year of reconnecting to people who broke my heart. I forgive and I move on.

5. I was in Taiwan in January and May. Very happy to meet Mika and to visit Neffy's new apartment with her wonderful super kind husband. Neffy visited me in Hoboken in August. Now I am trying to get a research project going with Ching. I wish to visit Yellow in Tainan. I wish to see Jason happy and healthy. Dear friends in Taiwan are precious.

4. A doctor told Mama that he never saw a person with so much "good cholesterol". Please stay healthy and beautiful, mama.

3. I love Superstar.

2. I finished my postdoc status in less than 24 months :)

1. Hoboken is perfect for my current lifestyle.

I shall make a new wish list in a week.
For now, I am going to stare at those flowers and to think of someone who sang a song in my voice mail.

Happy Birthday to Me.

2009 Birthdays

silent night

Not a single sound has been coming through the walls.
The famous Irish bar next door is abnormally quiet.
Hoboken 7pm today feels like South Orange 7pm.
By 10pm, not a person is walking on the street. This is the first time I feel danger in this town.
Everyone is home.

A Christmas song has been ringing in my head since the Wednesday holiday concert in the Research Center.
I guess I feel peaceful.

I had my nails done.
I had a beer and a shot of almonds. Half of the people in the bar spoke with a foreign accent.
Are you like me who failed to get back to your family by tonight?
They are probably home. I am too. But families are far away.

Mama called and wondered why I was not with anyone. I reminded her that this is a family holiday, and that I am my own family here. She suggested me to get used to being alone, but if I could not stand anymore, she would welcome me home. Her words made me feel peaceful.

Life goes on, on to the next stage and the next. My campus-centered life became work-centered. The process was kinda painful and awful, but I survived. Now coworkers and I have formed a strong team, backing me up and making me smile.

Priyanka asked me if I celebrated Christmas. Comparing to Westerns, of course I don't really do anything serious or religious. But I like it. It makes me warm. All the decoration and all the greetings and all the smiles calm me.

Once I drew a tree for Christmas. It was not well appreciated.
The next time I bought a plastic tree. It was a waste and never used later.
Those two Christmases were not my favorites. Therefore, I don't need to have a Christmas tree in the house to enjoy the festive feeling. I can simply go out, and trees are on the street and are decorated beautifully.
It is a silent night. There is even no siren shouting around. It is simply a nice winter night, quiet and light.

Merry Christmas.

生日 birthday 願望 wish

十天後我要過三十歲生日了, 而七天後是我的農曆生日, 今年剛好遇上聖誕節.
Ten days from today, I'm turning 30. In fact, seven days from today, it will be my birthday according to the Chinese Lunar Calendar, and it happens to be the Christmas Day this year.

滿三十又遇上聖誕節,所以我要許一個特別的願望.
For this special birthday, I would like to make a special wish.

我希望你可以送一個特別的生日禮物給我.
I wish you will give me a special birthday present.


If you read English, please scroll down, read the English part of this entry, and I will tell you how to give me the special present.


小時候我從來沒有想要當醫生的理想, 我覺得那是一個被壓榨的工作, 每天工作時數超長, 賺得錢都是家人享受, 新聞又愛大肆報導過勞死, 醫生的小孩又往往被形容成富家紈絝子弟, 有掏金夢的無腦女人常把 “嫁給醫生“ 當成她們的生活目標. 所以我一直認為有理想有愛心的醫生大概入行沒幾年就失去了熱誠了, 而醫生不過就是一個用生命換取貪婪目的的職業.
直到我看到無國界醫生的新聞, 我非常感動, 在這樣功利主義和美式資本主義為主流的時代, 有這樣一群醫療人員願意到沒有經濟報酬的地區, 救護一群沒有醫療資源甚至教育資源的人.
那則新聞讓我第一次興起想要當義工的念頭.

台灣常常有國外慈善團體的報導, 台灣也常常捐助國外的困苦老百姓, 非洲人尤其是台灣的捐助對象,像是飢餓三十, 認養貧童, 農業教育之類的. 可是台灣境內困苦的人呢? 是誰在照顧? 一定是有的, 但是媒體曝光率不高, 代表性的慈善團體常常給我過度企業化經營的負面印象. 而個人行為的慈善更是沒有曝光率, 不太容易激起群體的共相善舉.

兩年前我回台灣時看到商業周刊報導台灣路竹會, 創始人也是會長的劉啟群牙醫師參與過無國界醫生的義診, 他從 1995 起開始帶領醫療隊到山區偏遠地區去幫我們自己台灣人, 我鼓勵麻嗎去當義工,麻嗎真的有去報名,但是後來因為去出差所以沒跟著去. 如果你願意, 他們的網站上有說明如何報名, 沒有醫療背景的人也可以去幫忙的.

要怎麼送我生日禮物呢?
請依照以下方式捐款到台灣路竹醫療和平會

郵政劃撥：
戶名：台灣路竹醫療和平會
帳號：19487090 註：此捐款方式，路竹會需支付郵局手續費

銀行匯款：
銀行:永豐銀行 新店分行
戶名:台灣路竹醫療和平會
帳號: 141-001-00120-867

如果你需要其他詳細資訊,可以用以下方式跟路竹會連絡
捐款服務電話：(02)-86-67-67-00 信箱： tradm@taiwanroot.org
這些捐款方式剪貼自 http://www.taiwanroot.org/htm/top-05.htm

如果你想要把禮物給我,由我來捐, 請點一下這個氣球：

然後祝我生日快樂囉 :)

Although I had read biography of Dr. Albert Schweitzer at the age of 8, being a medical doctor was never on my to-do list. I had not much respect for medical doctors. On TV news, these people worked to death and died with too much money for their spouses and children. Their life quality did not seem to meet my criteria of being satisfying. Women chased after them for their money. They had affairs with young ladies because they were rich. Their children were kidnapped because they were rich. It seemed to me that the positive image of physicians or surgeons was great wealth, but the negative image was also related to their wealth.

These images kinda changed when I read about Doctors Without Boarders on newspapers. I was quite impressed by those healthcare givers, going to people in need instead of waiting for people to ask for help. These doctors, nurses, therapists, pharmacists, aides, and all provided cares and examinations that I took for granted in Taiwan.

I did not think much about Doctors Without Boarders until 2007 when I read an extensive story on Taiwan Root Medical Peace Corps. This group was founded in 1995 by a dentist Dr. Chi-Chun Liu who had participated in Doctors Without Boarders. I was so moved by the story that I encouraged my mom to volunteer. I would have volunteered if I spent more time during my annual visit home.

Dr. Liu was awarded the Gusi Peace Prize just last month! I found this news when researching for material for this entry. I also found a news report released my birthday 2007 about the Taiwan Root Medical Corps' service in India.

Let's get back to the original topic: my birthday wish. I wish you will give me a special gift by donating money to Taiwan Root Medical Peace Corps or Doctors Without Boarders.

For people who read Chinese or live in Taiwan, I recommend you follow the Chinese instructions provided at the Chinese part of this entry. For people who read English or hold a credit card issued by countries other than Taiwan, please go to their English webpage. You will find a PayPal donation column on your right hand side.

For donating to Doctors Without Boarders, you can go their donation webpage and find out which method you prefer to make a donation.

Alternatively, if you prefer to give me the present and let me make the donation, you are welcome to click the following balloon.

Next, wish me happy birthday :)

things work

Actually I have done a lot of things personally and professionally.
I was writing about my background, career goals, etc. for the grant I'm going to apply for. I wanted to mention all the information relevant to the proposed project, and I found almost everything I did in school was relevant. I didn't pave this specific journey on purpose although I did know the direction I was going. Now looking back, things did line up pretty nicely toward where I've wanted to go.

I mentioned what kinds of education I received in the National Yang-Ming University.
I mentioned Tzeng and Hung, of course. I got even quite emotional, so overwhelmed that I emailed them thankyou notes.
I had seldom mentioned about Henrich Cheng, however. This time I did. Because participating in his research projects is now in fact nice experience to mention.
I had seldom mentioned about my internship in the National Taiwan University Hospital, either. This time I did. However, I decided not to put the fact that I passed the exam for being certified as a medical radiation technician. Well, it is not relevant and the certification has been expired for long.
I did also play and party quite hard. But it is not relevant to the grant writing either.

How could I did so much in undergrad years? I didn't have summer or winter vacations? No, I didn't! I always stayed near school and did tons of things near school. The fact that my home was in the same city played a role. The first time I was away from school in summer was 2003 after my first year of graduate school in the US. I went home for two months.
Gosh... I was such a good student. Correction: I was so good at school. I was in school for 27 years, including kindergarden years. My profession was being a student.
After describing my undergrad "achievements" for a half page, I told a story about my grad years for almost two pages. My record stunned myself. Did I really accomplish all those? In school, there were deadlines for everything. Time to go to a class. Time to take exams. Time to finish a project. Before I had time to fool around, thing were done, and the next thing was coming.
Gina once said "其實我也是個人才啊" ("actually I am pretty talented") while she was working on her resume. Now I kinda felt the same way. Who knew writing a grant would boost your self-esteem? Life is wonderful.

When designing the experiment for my doctoral dissertation, I went to a university near Philadelphia to ask a professor some questions. This professor, CF, was the person who originally proposed the theory that I was testing in my project. He was so nice and friendly and easy to get along with. Later on we greeted each other every time seeing each other in annual conferences. This year in a conference held in Boston, he asked me if I'd like to collaborate with him for he would like to explore the possibility of working on spatial neglect. I was very honored. After the conference, he did email me for arranging a meeting after the holiday season.

I was supposed to go to UPenn frequently for an fMRI project. However, administrative delays always can prolong the delay. The project has been discussed even before I moved to New Jersey. The project has been approved in UPenn a year ago. But the project has not started. Oh well.... During the process, I met a professor, AC, who was a former colleague of my boss. He gave me the similar first impression that CF gave me. They were both nice, calm, humbly smiley, bearded, and soft talkers. I liked the conversations with him. Today when I was reviewing my research record, I came up with a proposal to AC. I emailed him and asked him to be the co-investigator on the project. He accepted it! I was so glad. He made my day.

I would never imagine this in my late teens and early 20s when I was a busy undergrad or when I was struggling how to write my first English term paper. Even two years ago, I would not imagine how things have worked themselves out as if I was simply taking a ride. Yes, the ride was sometimes tough, but I survived. Now I seem to live on those things and see how far things can take me.

Things will work out as long as I keep being persistent and pushing things to work out.
This is what I've learned about things and myself today.

post offices

I packed things in a box to be sent to Taipei.
I checked online for the office hours of the nearest office in my neighborhood. It said that the office hours were 8:30 am to 5pm. Well, I leave home before 8:30 and come back after 5, so I decided that office was useless for me.
Therefore, I checked online to locate an office near the research center. Cool, I found one quite close. I did not bother to check the office hours because I was sure that I would go there during lunch break.
In the morning, I went to the hospital at Saddle Brook, and the patient's therapy schedule had just changed, meaning I could not work with him. I left the hospital, and before heading to the highway, I took Bungbung for some gas. Oh, there was a post office across the street from the gas station! I had not noticed it for the past two years.
It was a couple minutes past 9am. I supposed the office was open. So I went, and the sign of the door said it would not open until 10am. I stared at the sign for a minute and decided that post officers here had nicer morning rest than me. Oh well, I drove toward West Orange and planned to go to the post office there by 10am instead of 12.

I arrived there 10 before 10. It was closed. It would not open until 10am. A woman was waiting in front of the door. She told me that somehow post offices have changed their office hours everywhere. She also told me that the door would not open before 10am and would very possibly open later than 10am.
I listened to her and decided that nowadays post officers everywhere had nicer morning rest than most of people. Oh well, I did not want to wait and returned to my office.

Around 2:30, I finished work in Saddle Brook. Yes, I did drive back there to work with the patient.
I went to the post office that I first visited in the morning. The officer was a nice lady, directing me to put the box in a thick bullet-proof transparent chamber which she could not open her side until I closed my side. Wow.. that was rather impressive. She and I talked through a small hole on the thick bullet-proof transparent window. I never thought being in a post office could feel like being in a savings bank.
The lady told me that the box was just over the 4lb limit for about 11 Oz, meaning that it could not go as a first-class but a priority. That is, I had to pay $42 dollars and no less. She checked the weight for 3 times and showed the sorry face to me for 3 times. I was like... what can I do? I cannot open the box and take things out.

Before I paid, she was typing. Probably 5 to 10 minutes later, she printed a little piece of paper to me, stating that even without buying any insurance, my box was insured. I was like "thanks. cool." That paper did not contain any information about the box, the sender, or the receiver.
Some time later, she finished typing and started stamping on documents and the box. I paid. She provided me a receipt. I asked her how am I supposed to use that little piece of paper for insurance if I cannot track the box at all? She thought a bit and answered "I don't quite really know, but I hope you don't have to use that piece of paper at all."
I hesitated for my next question, but I eventually just said "thank you for your help." I left and got back to my work.

My memory of post offices in America is quite funny, frustrating, and adventurous. The funny post office was in Penn State. The officers there were jokers. The two men made the place loud, colorful, musical, helpful and exciting. One of the funny guys were laid off before I graduated, however, for the budget cut in the post office. There was even a campaign for saving him.
The frustrating office was in South Orange. I always stood in line no matter what time of the day I went. I tried super early (8:30) or mid-day (10-ish, 12-ish, 2-ish). It was not just waiting but long waiting. I witnessed an old lady faint and fall to the floor!
Now the adventurous office ..... dah lah.... was in Saddle Brook! Clean, nice, and bullet-proof.