no eye contact

"Ain't nobody give me no shit." Millie said.
Our lab is filled with strong personalities. That's why we get along so well. You respect me. I respect you.

When I was in Taipei, purposeful eye contact was not something I normally would do. Avoiding eye contact in a city is kinda a basic living skill.
In my case, because of my height, I could easily meet some random guy's visual path. But it was okay since Taiwanese guys were never so straight forward and too arrogantly confident.

Then I moved to a town in the middle of Pennsylvanian nowhere. It is a small town full of academia. People are mostly friendly. On campus or on a street, I would smile at people walking towards me. They usually would smile back. That's it. No purposefully eye contact. No avoiding either.

Now I am in NJ. A place I avoid eye contact or even any response to any thing from any random person. First of all, black men have a thing for Asian girls, and there are many of them in NJ. They simply like to talk to me or honk at me. I would pretend deafness. Eye contact? No way.
If I happen to see someone in the eye, I would immediately look away unless it's a she or a handsome non-black man. You want me to admit that I am racist? I am not. I would vote for Obama if I had the right. I got rubbed by a black man. The police officer who helped me a lot was a black man. I just don't like men who use lousy pick-up lines, and they are often black. Why? I have no idea.

Millie was in a line for drive-through. She was waiting and accidentally looked at another driver. This another driver came out of her car, ran to Millie, and put her arms into Millie's window, "What are you looking at?"
Millie of course was not afraid and said to her "What? You wanna call the police? Go ahead." And the woman walked back to her car, picking up her phone. Millie rolled up the window and parked the car. Millie and Millie's friend decided to have their hamburgers in the store.
The police never showed up, and the woman who was outrageous never reappeared.

Why are people so offended by random eye contact?
Why are they so worried that being looked means something wrong about them?
In Chinese, those people say "What the fart are you looking at? 你看個屁啊?"
My answer is always: "I never say you are a fart" or "Did I say that you're a fart?’

Oh, when eyes meet, just smile, move on and live happily on.

One more thing about eye contact.
I only purposeful make eye contact on a dance floor. That's important in tango. It's a social dance. People look at you. And your eyes meet. And your smile means yes I'd like to dance to you. When you look away, it means no.
Last weekend, a person looked at me. Martin. I had danced with him even before I started dancing in New York. He and I had participated in several University-based tango festivals. Even though he and I are never close friends, we know of each other.
After a dance, he asked whether I came from Yale or Princeton just for the milonga. He did not remember me at all. That was why his eye contact felt so hallow and uncertain.
You know, after a year of tango in New York, I find male tango geeks very unattractive. They are in a cloud of something. If they can dance, great! but they don't carry interesting-enough conversations. If they can't dance, I don't actually talk to them anyway... as a tango geek, I go to milonga for dances. Geeks are awesome when we are geeky in more than one field.
I like geeks who can dance as well, but not geeks who can only dance well.
Life is hard.

Anyway, try smiling when eyes hit you. I will try but don't start talking.