confessions

Eyes receive physical information and convert it into physiological information for the brain to read. Visual input does not entirely go to the visual cortex for becoming visual perception. A relatively quite small proportion of it goes to the superior colliculus. Even though it is still considered as visual information, it is not "perceived" because perception is not a job of the superior colliculus. Information goes from the superior colliculus to other visually associated brain areas so that sometimes we react to a thing without even seeing the thing yet. (Because the thing has not been seen by the visual cortex, and because the pathway to and from the superior colliculus is faster)
I have been highly interested in this little subcortical structure for some time. Reading much about it. Trying to figure out something implicitly meaningful out of the readings and hopefully to write something explicitly meaningful about it.
From time to time, I pick up an article about the superior colliculus and get excited and read more and filter out internal and external distractions.

For example, people like to talk to Andy, my cubicle neighbor, as the beginning of each day. They talk about sports and movies mostly. Andy is always very patient about the conversation. He can talk about the same movie, which he saw last night, three times if three coworkers come to visit him individually at 9:01am, 9:05am, and 9:16am. He is very consistent about his opinions, so I get to review his review over and over again.
Today he was giving his take on Wanted.
Sometimes if the morning chatting-with-Andy conversation is revolved around a movie, I may participate since, you know, movies are the ultimate art for me. I saw Wanted too.
All I heard was he did not buy the 400-heart-beats-per-minute crap. I nodded and smiled but that was it. My hearing closed. I believe he said the same sentence at least three times this morning, but I filtered it out because I was hooked to the superior colliculus.

My brain was wired (as in "excited") by the reading topic and coffee.
I was going to do more after a little jogging in the evening. However, I sat in the couch and veggied out. Caffeine has worn off. My brain probably needs to be loosened up. My eyes could not focus. No visual information received. No words understood. I stared at a cardinal out of my window. This little beautifully red creature must have gotten attention of my superior colliculus so that my eyes now fixed at it.

So I think about Wanted.
It is a visually exciting movie with super gorgeous Angelina Jolie (and her naked back), beautiful cars chasing each other, turning bullets, and voice-of-god Morgan Freeman.
However, the story is unbelievably unconvincing. I got bored in the middle of the movie. I didn't care who was going to die in the next second.

So I turn to read my collection of essays and stories from internet. My collection goes way back. I read a piece by jht in 1998. I read a joke forwarded to me in 2001.
A title of a text file attracts my attention: coffee with salt. I frown and open it. It is a short story with a take-home message.

On their first date, the guy ordered a cup of coffee and asked for salt. This behavior somehow attracted the gal. She thought he was unique and funny. Later they started seeing other and got married. 40 years later, the guy died and left a letter for the gal.
In the letter, the guy confessed that he actually did not like coffee with salt. He was nervous on the first date and said something wrong to the waitress. But seeing the gal's smile (finally after a socially awkward dinner), he did not dare to correct the mistake. Therefore, for 40 years, he drank coffee with salt because he was afraid of losing her. She was so moved that this man had been lying for loving her.
The take-home message was: bullshitting men are the winners. 會虎濫的男人果然比較吃香

I don't remember reading this. I don't remember why I keep this for years. I smile at my poor memory and think about another movie P.S. I Love You.
I cried pretty hard when seeing the movie. I also laughed very hard too. The subject of the story is nothing new at all. The husband died. Before his death, he arranged letters to arrive at the wife's hand in different ways at different times. She went on a journey of life without him and found that she could actually live without him.
I had been resistant and not seen the movie. I didn't believe I would like it at all.
But I like it. I am glad that I like it -- a surprise from a low-expectation movie. It was well made. It fits my model of the ultimate art. I had the same mental states for Atonement too.
If one of the letters in P.S. I Love You was "actually I never liked to wear what you gave me", and if the wife was moved by the confession, I would not like the story and would feel my tears wasted. The man who drank coffee with salt for 40 years must not be lovable. If one cannot be oneself in front of his/her life partner, what's the point of spending the rest of life together. Love cannot be the excuse of all behaviors.

Coffee has to be good in the air, in the sinus, in the mouth, in the throat, and in the brain. Only money, not love, may make me drink it with salt. Ewwww

Confession can ruin things. It ruins Wanted even though other stuff already ruined it.
"I am your father." He said to the killer.
I could not even laugh at this lameness. It was just a disastrous line to say.

The take-home message is: when the movie is not worth discussing, I can focus better on my research; when I can't focus, I can always think about movies. I should have gone to the movie business and read about the visual system for entertainment.