let's fall

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along




Once upon a time, I gave a gift to a man who I thought was my first love. The gift was a jigsaw puzzle game featuring a man who was going to dive into a jar labeled "love". The puzzle pieces were stored in a jar actually, and I thought giving a jar of love was a very lovely idea.
My first ever boyfriend looked at the gift and looked puzzled. He said "Why do I want to fall into it?"
"Because I am in it." I childlikely made a response.
"In what?" He matter-of-fact-ly had no idea.

Since then, I have had no luck in picking a gift for my boyfriends. Every time when I spent days and nights and dreams making a decision on a gift idea, I failed.
Picking a gift is a terrifying test for me and my partner. If he does not like it, it means that I don't know what he likes, suggesting that I don't know what he wants, implying that I don't know who he is or that he doesn't know who I am either. Therefore, receiving a gift is also terrifying. The same man who didn't understand the metaphor of diving into love gave me a horrible gift: a plastic/velcro wallet with Mickey Mouse on it. Although he got the color right (of course the classy color blue), I never took a second look at it.
Worse, he sang me my favorite song at that time. I just cannot stand anyone dedicating a song to me by singing it to me, way way more destructive than romantic. It's the effect of pink.
Even worse, he taped it. I couldn't finish playing it.
"How do you like the gifts?" He asked.
"You are very sweet." was all I could say. I did not fall in love with him.

English cleverly distinguishes the verb "love" and the verb phrase "fall in love", and I love this distinction. It enriches my thinking about romantic love.
Last year, Harry Reis and Arthor Aron published a peer-reviewed article "Love: What is it, why does it matter, and how does it operate?" to summarize how philosophers and psychologists have scientifically studied this subject in the journal called Perspectives on Psychological Science. (You may google Harry Reis, Univ of Rochester for requesting the article.) They defined romantic love
"as a desire to enter, maintain, or expand a close, connected, and ongoing relationship with another person or other entity, and we limit our discussion to this variety of love. By entity, we refer to specific targets (in addition to humans) such as pets, fictional characters, or even deities.We limit our focus here to love as it is experienced between adults in relationship contexts, excluding such examples as nonspecific compassionate love (e.g., love of humanity), love of inanimate objects (e.g., ice cream), and arelational lust (e.g., sexual arousal outside of relationship contexts)."

The first three words of the quotation is "as a desire". This desire makes me want to please him even though I am afraid that the possibility of making him pleased is not high. This desire makes me try and try again.

Jason gave me the soundtrack of Once before I watched it or even knew about it.
I rented the movie for allowing myself to listen to the soundtrack. Call me principle-sticker if you like.
The guy in the movie reminded me of the sunny boy I met two summers ago, especially the way how they said "cool" or "brilliant". Like the movie, the meeting with the sunny boy was like a series of music but nothing meaningful enough to touch my core. The story was too simple and the emotion was too light and the characters were too shallow. The entire thing was like a long music video. Music was good though. But for love, music is not enough.
I agree with the award givers on the quality of the songs of Once. I agree with Jason on the song Falling Slowly.
"You have suffered enough and warred with yourself. It's time that you won... Falling slowly sing your melody. I'll sing along." After listening to it many times, I got it and replayed it more times.
Music is a weird thing. Did people sing before starting to speak?
Words may mean nothing if nothing personally grand is expressed. Words may not have much impact until they become lyrics with singable melody. Can someone offer me a melody for the following? I will sing. No one can dedicate a song to me by singing to me but definitely welcome by singing with me. Here it goes...

Hey Superstar, I am falling.
Hopefully into an ocean, not a jar.
Hopefully the puzzle is not a complicated game,
but full of clues everywhere for us to pull pieces together
before time is over.
Let's fall so that we can rise together.