courage to leave
I just told a friend that I want to go away, away from everything I know. I want to travel with only one backpack (and dance shoes) to Europe or South America. I want to leave.
Leave.
Leave.
Leave.
Do you have this moment in life that you just want to leave things behind and disappear for a while?
It is not like you don't have hopes any more. It is more like you want to have hopes.
Of course I can't leave.
Because I am such an ordinary person.
And because I don't have budgets to travel.
And because I don't believe I can live on a backpack for long.
But I hope I could just leave. I hope I could just leave everything behind me and go see different oceans, rivers, forests, mountains, towers, castles, skylines, stop signs, police uniforms, farmer's market, and just to feel new feelings.
A Taiwanese young man just left to travel with a backpack. He came back to Taiwan alive and published a book about his journey. I saw it in a bookstore in Taipei. I admired him. I wanted to see all the pictures live. He left for looking for himself. I want to be like him. Of course, I want to publish a book too.
An American young man only hiked alone in places no one wanted to hike. His book described some most amazingly life-threatening moments of his journey. One time, his arm was stuck between two rocks. He stood there for 5 days helplessly without food. Eventually, he sawed his own arm off with a pocket knife. I don't want to be like him. But I want to go as many places as he did. I want to see as many different sky lights as he did.
I just want to leave.
I am not a great risk taker. And I am not very smart with strangers and unfamiliar places. But I still want to leave, leave, leave.
Some one please give me courage.
Let me just leave everything behind me. Let me just go find the meaninglessness of my own life.
All those road trip movies actually could happen to me. I could now just walk out and take my bug and drive to Canada! Vancouver is the best because I then have to drive all the way from the East to the West. I could try out different diners serving the same American food. I could take pictures of different little towns with the same gas station.
Why Canada? Because I just applied for a Visa to enter the country. I should not waste it.
Why is that all I can actually do is dream about it?
Arh.... I should get back to my writing. I need to submit this damn paper.
I am so drowsy now. Probably take a nap and make some dreams before resume the paper writing business ...
I want to leave.
4 comments:
it's easy to run away from a place, but never easy to run away from ourselves. most of the time, what we really want is actually the latter.
You know, running away is not as difficult as you think... sometimes all it takes is - leave.
And guess what, it doesn't take long before you get to see inside of yourself; when you are completely alone, in a car, driving on a single-lane freeway chasing the horizon, your brain will function on its own, and... I'll save the ending for you, you go figure it out :D
So yeah, leave, take a week off; it only takes 45 hours (non-stop) to travel from one end of the continent to another. Charge gas on credit card, bring 20 clean underwear and one pair of jeans. When you are finally alone, thing will start to make sense.
And if it didn't make sense after 3 days - you're not ready yet. Just go back to work, and wait for the next call to leave.
Dear ting2,
So true. You're speaking into my heart.
Dear Viv,
I do want to leave but I want myself with me. I don't know if I will ever change the world. But I hope the world that I have not seen can change me once I see it. Taiwan is small but I've never been to every corner of it. America is dull in some aspects, which may be probably because I've never been to any national park! Ah... the world I want to travel and feel is not in my room or at my fingers. I should just leave. Now.
ah..in that case you are very hopeful, because you want yourself (:P) and you are willing to deal with the dull old world you live in once you come back. You just need to get recharged by a fresh little vacation in a national park or at a sunny beach. A problem is not really a "problem" as long as it can be solved solely by "time + $$ + courage". So make plans now - summer is here, and it's short. :)
I never dream about changing the big world, however occasionally I would worry about how to reserve the nature and life inside me.
Post a Comment