tango or not

On Easter Sunday, I was sitting in this Attcus place, where my housing-host Emily had recommended.

This was my first time having brunch at a diner bar that was in a bookstore. By a diner bar, I mean that you can see how food is processed and how dishes are cleaned in front of you. Your order is taken from a person behind or inside the bar. Forgive me if I am not using a correct American term to describe it. I am too lazy now to check it on Answers.com

Anyway, I was sitting there, having my sunflower-seed croissant and coffee, and enjoying my memory of last night's milonga. This Yale Tango Festival was so good not just because of the good teachers but, most importantly, because of the good dancers coming from New York, Montreal, Boston, D.C., Philly, and many other places, and local Yale people.

By exchanging dancing experiences, usually agreement will come easily as to who is great to dance with, who is difficult to build the connection, who is impossible to practice with, and who is admirable for his willingness to learn. Yang and I, after the festival, exchanged great dancing experience after three nights of milonga. We agreed with each other mostly. I am going to eye the eyes of the good dancers, whom I did not dance with but Yang did, in my next milonga in New York or Princeton Univ.

When my sweater was absorbing the smell of the diner, some names came to my mind. Names that are after people who are not nice to dance with. I wish I could tell them why I do not like to dance with them. I wish they were in Nick and Tara's classes. I wish they were rejected by Jennifer or Tova when asking for a dance. I wish they could feel what a clear, natural lead is like from Robin or Tomas. I wish they could understand their bad habits are not going to make me to do beautiful, comfortable Sacadas. As my thoughts went, I felt upset for my inability to encourage all Penn State dancers to come out to be shocked by how great Tango should be. I may be considered an advanced dancer in State College, but I am actually an advanced beginner if anything.

I found a desire to write. An avocado-colored little notebook was convenient to find in Attcus. I was happy to eat alone in a bookstore.
I paused with my pen. I found no clue in terms of how to tell all my wishes to those people.

It is much easier to tell someone how much I like him/her than how I dislike him/her.
It is way way way harder to tell someone how much I dislike his/her skill in dancing. Because they take it personally. They would think I don't like to dance with them because I don't like them as a person. Actually I don't like them because they suck as a dancer.
This is getting worse when I have tried to say something in practica and they did not listen.
When my partner does not listen to me or takes my feelings as my mistake, I found it impossible to communicate with him. Hence, I shut up. Hence, I resist to dance with him in any occasions. Hence, I resist to befriend with him.

Things build up quickly, especially negative feelings.
If someone cannot make me tango with him on a dance floor, I somehow cannot tango with him out of the floor.
No connection at all.

Yeah, you wish I was a nicer person.