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February 27, 2008

breath-holding sounds



I listened to this song before seeing the movie. I was on a bus from home to school. The bus driver was tunning in an English station (the only English station at that time in Taiwan). I got goose bumps while the music was licking every pore on my skin. Immediately, I decided to see the movie and bought the sound track afterwards.
I had done this kind of things many times for Chinese music albums (for example,
楊乃文的 "你就是吃定我",蔡健雅的 "紀念",陳潔儀的 "輕挑"). This was my first time to be pushed by one English song and made a purchase.

This is my first time watching the music video of "You Must Love Me." Argentine tango appears two times! There are three dances shown in the clip, and tango is the 1st and the 3rd dances.

Music is very important for movies too. But it is not very often that I fall for a movie because of its music. It happens of course. For example, the movie Closer: I can't take my eyes off it. Just can't.




Another example is a very recent one, Atonement. The music blended with the typewriter was fantastic. And the movie, actually, was beyond my expectation probably because the soundtrack was so good.



Music is something amazing that I believe only humans are capable of making. I believe some other animals have similar things like human language to communicate with each other as a great product of evolution. But music is probably what makes humans so "superior" to others. Don't be so humble and give God this credit. We humans are awesome.

Like last Sunday, friends and I accidentally went to a live Jazz restaurant for brunch. The sound of cello made my whole body smile. Awesome.

February 22, 2008

beauty of winter

Now I am typing with gloves on.
You think I'm at my desk in office? I was typing with gloves and scarf and little heat fans on yesterday in office.
But no, now I am home, typing with gloves on.

I woke up with a unpleasant feeling around my head. The feeling was named COLD. Not a virus kind of cold. It was a sensation kind.
My apartment is at the corner of the building. Most of time it is not as warm as the other parts of the building. But I usually take it as a luck because I don't like my room so warm and dry.
I got up and felt the walls. They felt like ice. I felt like I lived in an igloo, a not-so-warm one.
My feet touched the floor and immediately felt cold and awake.

Let me take a shower, I said to myself, and tucked my feet into my fluffy slippers. Oh, I love my fluffy slippers. They have been with me since my first winter in the US. That was the longest winter in my life. It snowed for an unusually long period of time: 6 months.
I walked to the bathroom and immediately sensed badness in terms of COLD.
The bathroom is the warmest part of my apartment. It often keeps me in longer than necessary because it gives me warmth. But this morning, it was COLD. The radiator was not as hot as a stove top! There must be something wrong. Very wrong. I turned the faucet and waited for hot water running. Water was COLD. I frowned, not happy.
Above the radiator is the window. It appeared white as if someone covered it with white paint over night. I stared at it, wondering how I should name this kind of white. As white as paper, like how we describe a terrified face? As white as tofu, like how we describe a beautiful skin tone in Asia? As white as snow, like ...? Is it snowing now!? My soul jumped out of my body, and I ran to the living room window and rolled up the curtain. It was snowing hard. Very hard. Everything was covered with snow.
Beautiful. I guessed I am going to have a long weekend.

Kim called and said she could not make her SUV out of snow.
Dr. Anna called and said she could not make her car out of snow.
Peggy S. emailed and said no one should get out of the house.
Accidents have been reported on highway since very early this morning.
Neighbors answered my door knocks and said they didn't have heat or hot water either.
Snow is expected to continue until tomorrow morning.

I called the super. Where is heat? When can it come back?
Snow is beautiful when I stay indoors and warm. Now I need the warm component to kick in so that I can appreciate the beauty of snow. Please.

OH it worked! My complaint on my blog worked! As of now 9:55am, after 1.5 hour of my COLD sensation, heat has come back to my apartment.
And my warm delicious seafood Chinese soup is ready on the stove (I thank to myself for going to the great Chinese grocery store 4 months ago). I am ready to sit into my lovely couch and watch the lovely snow fall. Perhaps I'll turn on the online Jazz radio, which I listen to on radio in my car and in my shower too (FM 88.3).
Arh.. beauty of winter~
It's like the beauty of typhoon when I was in high school.
The power of Nature always amazes me. It can always be so powerful that it stops daily routines that I don't particularly like.
To enjoy the beauty, please stay in your house and keep the distance so that you can see a nice view. Don't try to drive through it. As I know, it's very dangerous. The beauty does not want to be touched. Just stay away and smile at it :)


February 17, 2008

一點貢獻

埃及與它周圍許多的中東北非國家目前充斥著年輕人,二十五歲以下的年輕人佔全國百分之五六十,大學畢業生遠遠多出於工作機會,沒有好工作就代表沒有好薪水,沒有好薪水就代表結不了婚 (娶親要花至少兩萬多美金,但是年輕人的月平均所得不過上百元),結不了婚就代表沒有性生活 (至少台面上是如此),沒有性生活就代表還不是大人。未婚率和失業率被視為埃及目前最糟糕的社會現象。
過得如此不順,所以現在許多埃及年輕人投入宗教,多讀可蘭經,多修習,於是少去想自己現在的經濟狀況,少去想要花錢娶老婆,少去想現世的不順利而去寄望來世的可能性。雖然教育比從前普及,但是比起幾十年前,越來越多的女人戴上頭巾遮住自己,越來越多的新興保守主義者,越來越多人嚴厲實行每天五次的膜拜 (沒工作所以時間多啊),越來越多公共場所把男人和女人分開。埃及的第一夫人沒有趕上這新興的戴頭巾潮流,被批評不守婦道。

這是今天紐約時報頭版頭條的大意,我看得心情非常不好。
我能怎麼辦? 皺眉也沒用。他們已經受教育啦,已經會自由思考啦,已經會為將來前途操心啦,但是整個社會經濟壓著他們的胸懷大志,連肚子都餵不飽,追尋什麼大志和享樂啊?只能妥協。
我頂多慶幸不是生在埃及,慶幸我可以自由戀愛,慶幸我不需要遵從嚴厲的宗教社會規範,慶幸我不用天天被耳提面命的提醒三從四德。我能為埃及的年輕人做什麼?什麼也不能。

想起在研究所的時候修了一門社會心理學,討論美國對女性和弱勢族群的不公平待遇,每次討論我每次就不太爽,我問教授,你看到這些現象不想要做什麼去改變一下嗎,她說她頂多只能研究和觀察,社會現象不是說要改就改得了的。
其實我知道答案是如此,我不過是得到一個更確定我心裡答案的答案。
無奈兩個字而已。

小時候,我可以說是有遠大志向的小孩,夢想要做一番大事,改變一堆我看不貫的規範,而現在體驗越多看越多,卻越是看不盡莫名其妙的現象,我的眉頭就越是難開,就像電影 no country for old men 的無奈結語: 你就是不會懂為什麼有人可以做出那樣的事情,你想都沒有想過,你想改變什麼? 世界不會因為你而改變。
就是仍然會有人以殺人為樂,就是仍然會有人認為男人比女人值得讀書識字,就是仍然會有人認為美國的槍枝管理不需要做改變。過去一個禮拜,美國又有至少三起的公共場所槍擊案上全國新聞,其中兩起在大學校園。我家附近的大學宿舍裡,一個來訪的男生自己槍枝走火,差點自殺。
我能怎麼辦?
自保還是利天下? 哪有能耐利天下啊? 少時狂語罷了。現在走路回家都還在心驚膽颤嘞。

但是我不會放棄的,我還是小小的夢想著我可以做些什麼,一定有什麼我可以做的,我可以閃躲過我無能為力的事情,例如埃及的社會現象,例如美國的槍支問題。但是我應該可以做什麼其他事情,例如多多去 Whole Foods買菜和添購民生必需品,所有的東西都是有機的,我剛買了一支有機牙刷,從包裝到握柄到刷毛都是再生或是有機的材料。沒辦法對埃及有什麼貢獻,就對地球有點貢獻,心情就好一點。

心情好一點,也是對我自己有一點貢獻。

happy b-day, god

By coincidence, ... well, not really, I clicked on Answers.com quite frequently because of my poor English. Anyway, on the homepage of Answers.com, Michael Jordan is Today's Hightlight. February 17, today is his birthday. I didn't know it even though I was a huge fan of his.

Back in junior high and high school days, I was crazily watching NBA because I fell in love with Jordan. In Taiwan, Jordan was THE Jordan. It did not mean the name of a country or anyone else's names. When I said Jordan, people knew whom I was talking about.

In US, not really. When I told my officemate that I was going to see Jordan playing basketball, she went "Jordan? Who?"
Alright, the point is that I was following NBA at least until the second or third year of university. I knew a bunch of players' names and what they were good at and rumors about them. Guys liked to talk with me because I knew all the "cool" stuff about NBA.

Oh yes, I went to see Jordan.
It was January of 2003. Jason and I traveled to DC and spent hundreds of dollars just to see him and to hear his voice. And also Iverson, the cute player in the 76ers. But mainly, I was going to see Jordan.
He was not as good as he had been when he led the empire of Chicago Bulls. He did not score as many as before either. But I had to see him. I had to see him before he retired for good.

Here is a picture from my camera. You can see more pictures on my old Chinese website.
I wish I could sit even closer to feel the wind as he flew off the ground.

The first time I noticed him was when a classmate played a video of Jordan's best performances during our lunch break. Yeah... I went to a quite expensive private school where every classroom had two TV sets and a video player (and AC). The video showed Jordan's flying skill and his incredible speed passing through the opposite team, reaching the basket, putting the ball in, and of course, sticking out his tongue.
I was amazed totally. His movements were not just playing a ball game but dancing. He was performing an art. He was the god of basketball.

A Japanese comic book series was inspired by Jordan and the NBA. The comic book became the textbook of all teenagers. It also became movies and many other commercialized items.
Jordan's Nike sneakers were sold at high prices but everyone had at least one and boys had more than one. People stood in line before the stores opened so that they could buy a "fresh" pair of a new version of Air Jordan. My Jordan sneakers were not actually or officially Air Jordan, but they were Nike and got Jordan's "flying slam dunk" logo and got "AIR" covering the sides.
It was crazy and fun.

The championship game was always at the end of June, when was the busiest time for we students. I was preparing for the University Entrance Exams. Everyone appeared in the area around the Taipei Train Station was preparing for some important exams that were going to take place in June or July. The streets were super busy partly because so many students or exam-takers were walking around from class to class anytime during the day.
But people would stop studying and stop at a TV anywhere one could find on the street. For example, I stopped at a McDonald's. We stopped because Jordan was on TV and Chicago Bulls were winning.

Ah.. youth. I miss it.
Like today I was cleaning up my dressing room and decided to put LaoTaiPuo 老太婆 into the closet so that it will stop collecting dust. So that it will stop reminding me of the old time.
LaoTaiPuo is a stuffed animal: a Pooh pretending to be a penguin. He (I know his name indicates that he should be a female but I think he is male) came to the US with me in 2002. He was a gift of a boyfriend who occasionally appeared in my dreams.
Dreaming of an ex is some kind of message, I guess. My best guess is that I miss youth. I miss the time when I was with him. I miss him but I don't miss him. You know what I mean?
I miss being so happy. I miss that the only thing I had to worry about was my grades in school. I miss that I could laugh easily.

Another reason that I was so mad about Jordan was his figure. He was hot.

Face is important of course. Some men just cannot stop me from looking at their faces. I like beautiful people.
And a butt like Jordan's is something that I would stare at if no one stops me.
Happy 45th birthday, Jordan. Stay in shape!
You are still the god of basketball for me.

As to my youth, I miss it but don't dwell on it. Dreams are not reality, between which I know the difference. I smile but don't cry over a scene of an old time memory.
45 is too old to play NBA. 45 is not too old in life. New hightlights are still more than just possible.
I am younger than 45. I move on and should create new highlights of my life.
I still miss my youth. For now I place it in my closet and sometimes dream of it with no harm done but smile.


February 12, 2008

natural or radical

Dee is a 29 year-old successful senior software consultant. His personal life is also doing very well with a wife and little children. Several weeks ago, the left side of his body started going out of control: his left arm and leg have suddenly been so weak that he is not able to move them. He cannot walk independently. He cannot type. He cannot raise his left arm.

Worst of all (from my perspective), he cannot see clearly in his left visual field. He is fully aware of his "neglect" symptom. Well, actually a person with neglect usually is not aware of his/her neglect symptom.
For the first sight, Dee sees an object or a word incompletely. Being aware of his neglect, he will move his head to the left to see the entire object or word. It does not matter how big the object or word is. For example, a word as short as "apple" is seen by him firstly as "pple". His strategy of consciously scanning from left to right helps him to do things, but this consciousness is totally abnormal. Normally we see a thing with little effort before we recognize it. Normally we don't need a strategy of scanning to read "apple".

He behaves like a person with right hemisphere injury.

He told us about what his symptoms have been in a totally intelligent articulate good-mannered way. His understanding on his condition is as if he read chapters of medical textbooks (I bet he must have googled everything.)
After staying in three different hospitals and seeing tens of neurologists and being examined on hundreds of different tests, he is frustrated about the mysterious cause of his condition, which results in today's interesting case.

If he was a stroke patient or had a tumor or showed any abnormalities in his brain imaging results, this case would not be as difficult or interesting as it is presented in front of our eyes.
Negative. Nothing. Nothing decisive was found in his brain or blood.

We, including Dr. Anna, Kim, a resident, two medical students, and me, were looking at him with our full attention, trying very hard to extract anything that other previous doctors did not see.
Dee was actually very happy that he got such attention because he wants to get better asap and he wants to know what's wrong with his body.

An hour later, we made a conclusion based on our best guess: Vitamin B12 Deficiency.
There was almost no B12 in his system.
He was not very convinced with the conclusion. Because he is a meat eater. Because he has been taking B12 shots every day since a blood test revealed his lack of B12.
As an Indian, he might be a vegetarian. Being a vegetarian means the probability of lacking B12 is higher than being a meat eater. But he is a meat eater, meaning his diet is rich with B12.
So the problem is in his stomach, not in his brain. Somehow he simply is not able to absorb B12.

B12 plays an important role in formation of red blood cells and is an essential component in the creation and maintenance of the myelin sheath that lines nerve cells. Large amounts of B12 are stored in the body of a non-vegetarian, so this condition may not become apparent until as much as four or five years after B12 absorption stops or slows down (for example, when the person decides to become a vegetarian or a vegan). B12 Deficiency can cause loss of muscle control and loss of sensation in the legs, hands, and feet, and other symptoms if the the affected part is somewhere in the nervous system. In this case, Dee cannot perceive the visual world normally even though his eyes are good.

Since Dee started taking B12 shots, his left arm and leg are gradually coming back to his voluntary control. We hope to find other B12 sources for him, or better, to find the cause of his inability of absorbing B12.

While looking for more information on B12 Deficiency, a thought comes to me.
Is being a true vegetarian (no fish or egg) or a vegan against our nature?
When pursuing nature becomes unnatural, one should stop and think about what is human nature.

I love the earth. I like to share the planet with other species. I do not like to kill. But I do not want to be a vegetarian for diet preferences: I like sushi, red meat, seafood, egg tarts, and organs. I do not want to be a vegan for diet preferences too: I like latte, taro, and fresh whipped cream on a warm pumpkin pie.
Now knowing that animal products are the source of B12, eating eggs, drinking milk, and swallowing sushi probably are good not only for my taste sensation but also for my health.
Humans eat everything because we are poor at self-generating every nutrient we need in order to have a healthy life.

Dee is unfortunate that he is lack of B12 for some unknown reason that is not related to his diet habit. But I am thinking about vegans who have normal functions of absorbing B12. Do they accept taking vitamin pills as a natural thing to do? Do they accept a B12 shot as organic? Do they realize that they are probably insisting in living a life against their true nature? Are they some kind of radicals?

Naturally, we humans are able to digest animal and vegetable products. This may naturally mean that we need both.
Now I can accept some vegetarians who actually eat fish and/or eggs. Good for them.
But they should not call themselves vegetarians. Fishitarian or eggitarians?
Please label yourself correctly.
Hi, I am an everything-eater, naturally.