一如往常，君說來去玩，大家說好啊。
然後我才去看看［浮線。發想之島］的網頁。網頁是影音文字相輔相成的很完美，不免讓人覺得有誇大之嫌。
現在去過了，可以大聲說，網頁上的建築設計和室內擺飾果然貨真價實，服務人員又全天候的待命準備四餐外加隨時現煮咖啡，創意料理也色香味俱全，咱們談天說長短、彈琴讀書報、釣魚騎單車、打牌看電影、泡澡睡大覺，輕輕鬆鬆的過了二十四小時。
google 一下，有個網友介紹的很有誠意，胚留了言。另一個網友也是最近去發想之島，還跟我住同一個房間呢（五個房間都設計的別出心裁各有特色），所以介紹你去參觀一下她的圖文，因為我發現我現有的照片都是以人物為主，等到另外三台相機的影像也到我手上時，我可能已經沒時間描述點點滴滴了。
不是青攸君欣星的你們，也歡迎點閱下圖瞧瞧我們是怎麼在浮線發想之島上幸福的。
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| 浮線發想 Day 1 |
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| 浮線發想 Day 2 |
Taipei where my heart starts.
Where the new year has started.
Welcome, 2009. It's gonna be happy.
Bye bye, 2008, which was a happy blue year as I had wished!
However, certain wishes did not come true and remained being just wishes:
10. To sort out the entire car thing with little effort (well... much effort has been taken for the past two months actually)
>>>>> The car thing was sorted. Case closed. It was pretty bad and depressing, but at least I was not beat up. Depression is not in my system.
9. To lose weight (haha.... it's always on my wish list. I want my face to lose weight especially. Ask me again about my email address? You may if you don't laugh.)
>>>>> Now I have Superstar's support. I will do my best, my dear.
8. To be involved in the HR department (this is not very likely to happen, but I still want to make a wish to hire some real cool and smart geek into the IT department)
>>>>> IT has not become more popular and actually become even more annoying (yes, their disability of being helpful is helpless). But at least I found more and more coworkers on my side: the disliking-IT side. I give it the stamp of "Case Closed".
7. To receive an award (I have been working hard and I think I may deserve something)
>>>>> I did not receive an award. Alright, guess I need to work harder.
6. To write people who rarely reply (there are two people particular in my mind)
>>>>> There is one person I have not got in touch. One day, I will. This year, I will be ready to do so.
5. To meet dear best Taiwan friends and Mika in March (yes, girls, I am talking about you. If my budget is not eaten up by the car fixing, this wish should be able to come true.)
>>>>> Case closed and will open again :) Mika was very cute in March and still very cute now. I had a great happy birthday meeting all dear Taiwan friends and Mika.
4. To know that mama is in great health and happiness (she prefers me to be physically closer to her, which is only thing I cannot promise her. But other than that, I will do anything possible to make her happy.)
>>>>> Case closed. She looks fine and happy as now I am writing and she is watching a movie by my side.
3. To see a/the sunny boy again (I need sunshine in my life.)
>>>>> Case closed. Superstar walked in.
2. To get a real job, not a fellowship ("real" means an H-1 visa)
>>>>> Case will be closed soon. I am about to get a real job for sure in 2009!
1. To move into the city (anywhere with a great tango community and a great public transportation and diverse cultures)
>>>>> Not gonna happen in a couple of years. But I'm gonna move out of South Orange and move to Hoboken.
Welcome, 2009. A few wishes can be added:
1. My effort of fixing up friends pays off nicely.
2. Things settle down as they should, settle down into peaceful happy places.
3. I re-find my all-time favorite life style.
Let's wait and see. Actively wait and spontaneously see.
Be an activist. This is not a wish. This is what I am and will be. Wish you be so too. Happy 2009. Keep tangoing on and on and on and on.
君傳來一則簡訊：「強辯十週年 01Jan2009 @河岸留言 西門紅樓展演館」。
強辯不是天團，但他們曾是我菁華歲月裡的點綴，標記著我跟青攸君欣星追地下樂團的那些夜晚。
我們也追小劇團、追舞團。追逐時候的夥伴到現在都還是我的夥伴，創造共同的回憶讓我們很有向心力的繼續互通消息，繼續一起出遊追逐著創造共同回憶的機會。
可是回憶有時是很累的東西，尤其是愛戀的回憶。
十年了，一路走來，總覺得愛戀是漂泊的，即使在最幸福的當時看了電影「心動」居然立刻大哭的謾罵為什麼命運要讓年輕的我體驗完美的愛情，唉，相見恨早相見恨早啊。我說，我們注定要分離，因為我們太年輕。
「你是她第一個男友喔？肯定分啦。」我一直記得第一個男友的室友的這句話。真愛果然不存在我和他之間。後來，遇到真愛，我沒有選擇留下，飛走了，心動的散場淚沒有白哭。相見恨早。
完美的愛情在最漂泊的歲月裡昇華成夢想裡的神話，每每不如意，就偽縮在夢境裡幻想著甜蜜，就躲藏在小小的駕駛座裡落著淚鼓勵著自己：我在長大，我會變老，老了漂泊就會停止，一切有可能有意義。時間總是會告訴人意義在哪裡，自己當起自己的歷史學家，後設的定義著緣分，哪些人是貴人、過客還是冤家，哪一件事取決於哪一個人物，哪一個時間點的衝動停止了徘徊卻也阻斷了可能。意義，自我說服了就算。時間若是告訴我這一切沒有意義，我也要承受住，因為我已經愛過了，愛過了，過了。那我就繼續漂泊吧， 接受「漂泊不是過程而是目的」的想法。
才發現我有多恨漂泊。
我是一座島，朋友漂進來漂出去，情人來來去去，主流文化和次文化衝擊著，硬學 科和人文科學激盪著。中文退步了，英文成了主要語言，歐美不再是刻板的標籤，被細分成英法德義、美國人分成受過高等教育的、莫名奇妙迷信的、不同地方腔調 的、十足保守的和開明的。這個世界也不再是地球儀上的幾何，朋友來自各地，千百種口音的英文跟我訴說著漂泊的美好，他們樂見我這個島，萍水相逢喝一杯酒跳一支舞學一句中文，而我默默的期待著神話裡的愛情。我仍然夢見那些年的美好，想要大喊慾望城市最後一集裡 Carrie 聲嘶力竭分手的理由。
聲嘶力竭。聲。嘶。力。竭。
那一段費力的愛，得到的回報是費力的不去愛，心狠狠的碎過一遍之後，更討厭拔剌的情歌。真愛又如何？太痛了，自虐狂才要再重來一次。
"Do you often worry about the past?" 我第一次問病人這一道題的時候，總覺得這題目出得沒有意義，過去有啥好擔心。問了十幾個病人同一道題之後，才發現我自己的答案是憂鬱的，回憶是個負擔，好的壞的都是負擔。愛上一個人一點也不輕鬆，尤其是強烈情感加持下的回憶永遠不會抹去，既然不會抹去，將來就會成為莫名的負擔：完美的那一段愛情成為神話， 心痛的那一段愛情成為地獄，兩個極端的拉扯，我似乎瀟灑的試試看這個人那個人，好像是在尋找漂泊的目的，卻是在履行的漂泊的行為，矛盾的一個人往前走不停不看不聽，最後只好定下目標：先定居下來再說。
無奈啊，活著因為有希望，希望著什麼呢？已經愛過了，也試過心痛的滋味，還有什麼可以期待的？然後忍不住在記憶裡找答案，越找越陷在回憶裡，越不明白愛過痛過的目的是什麼，越盼望著自己快點老去，古老的靈魂情願活在年老的身軀裡。
於是十年過去了，距離那第一次的心動已經十年了。
然後你問我的感想。我說沒有恨晚也不恨早，相信這是時機剛好的緣分。可又來了一場淚，愛哭鬼老了還是愛哭。
我願
你是我最後一個愛上的人
不再漂泊的是我
I love Taiwan, not in a way how a politician claims his patriotism, but in a way how a Taiwan-born Taipei-er who now lives in the US expresses her pure love to her mother land.
In June 2007, I visited Taroko.
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| 太魯閣 TAROKO |
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| 日月潭 Sun Moon Lake |
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| 溪頭 Sitou |
Superstar fixed my coat.
I don't know how people learn this kind of things. Time is the factor. Where do they get all the time for making a meal, sewing up a button, planning a surprise party, or shopping during this crazy shopping season? Is it true that I have 24 hours a day but others have 36? So not fair.
Let's talk about them one by one. First, make a meal.
One night, Superstar decided to cook. If you ever came to my place, you would imagine how clean my refrigerator was. It preserves air, basically, in case I need fresh air for abrupt panic attacks. You know, I like to be prepared for my health condition.
Therefore, in order to cook, ingredients were needed. I was like... oh no.... that would take a long time to get everything. So how about pasta? Get noodles and a jar of sauce?
Superstar: sauce? I never bought prepared sauce.
I was literally in shock and thought I met another Italian. Immediately I had a deja vu of the 30-min public scolding, led by the second-generation Italian research center director, on how unbelievable it is that I do not cook. The director even made noodles in his house.
Pei: how did you make pasta?
Superstar: flour and milk. um... do you have flour?
Pei: Do I? Can we just get a jar of white sauce? It's much easier.
Superstar: alright, I'll trust it this time. White sauce means seafood. Let's get fish. Which fish do you think better in pasta?
Pei: No idea.
He picked the fish and said that cooking should never go easy and got some fresh squids and scallops. He walked around, sniffing herbs, touching vegetables, wrapping spices. I followed.
Grocery shopping took an hour. Cooking another hour. We finished dinner within an episode of Sex and the City.
Second, sew a button.
I did take the class, in both junior high and high schools. Mama helped a lot in this domain, however. She sewed a stuffed animal and knitted a scarf for me to submit them for my grades.
You cannot blame me on my impotent skills. I don't have 30 minutes for fixing a hole on my shirt. I don't have 20 minutes for ironing a skirt. I don't have 10 minutes even for thinking about repairing clothes.
Alex, Zabeth, and Mama all fixed my clothes for showing how much they loved me or showing how much they could not stand watching me doing anything. I prefer to believe the former.
Superstar took my coat and asked why I was frowning. I said I might need to carry this long coat back to Taipei for Mama to show her love.
I can do it in 5 minutes. He said. That was one of the most romantic things to say. My body was dancing. I was free from worrying time that might be wasted. Super.
Third, plan a surprise party.
On Monday the 12th, Dr. Anna called me in the morning and asked me to be in the lab asap. What did I do wrong? Why was I thinking that I might do something wrong? Did I do something wrong? I hurried to the lab. What greeted me was an incoherent shout of "happy birthday!"
I was truly surprised.
This officially was my first ever surprise party. I had had no clue that she would plan a party for me, two weeks ahead of my birthday. Wow, it was awesome. They sang the birthday song. Paola showed up late, and I easily forced her to sing the song in Italian. I was flattered, totally.
When did they find the time for planning such a party?
Well... I myself have throwing parties for friends, and most of them were openly known what was celebrated. It was an effort for making people merrily surprised.
Fourth, shop in December.
Since the black Friday (the day after Thanksgiving), every store has been on sale. I had been good and not joined the madness. Macy's was one mad place to visit now. I could not find my breath in Macy's on the 34th street in NYC. People were everywhere. Lines of lines. Waiting for waiting.
Thus, I went to Macy's on the JFK express way in NJ. It was better but still took me 4 hours to get things matching my expectation. My expectation was not easy to match. I may have tried on 10 and not taken any. I may have liked one thing, but that thing was out of my size. I may have wanted a specific item and never seen the item in the specific texture that I wanted.
I was so tired after 4 hours battling with clothing and cashers. I didn't even walk around to see other things in other stores in the mall. My left arm was paralyzed from carrying kilograms of the to-be-tried-on.
I wish the trade-off of time and money was pure pleasure.
If I had 36, instead of 24 hours, a day, I would not spend more time on any of the four things mentioned above. I might be less cynical. I may read more books. I will watch more movies. I am going to hang out with witty friends more..... so that they will take their time doing the four things mentioned above for me :)
Oh, be merry!
