throw a kiss

Hello September. Can't believe we have arrived the last quarter of 2008. What have I done for the past 8 months? What haven't I done? Or what didn't I do but I said I would do it?

I didn't go to Boston.
Krissy moved there. I said I would visit her because summer is the best season visiting Boston. However, the reality conquered me. I had no energy driving up there or taking a bus by myself. I had no budget for extra trips and need to save for another Chicago trip and the winter trip back home. I had to give time for tango too. Frankly, I just want to take a break after a week of work and become a veggie doing nothing but breathing in and out and in and out and in and out consciously like most yogis do.

I didn't go to Paris.
Kirua got a week-long sublet of an apartment in downtown Paris. I wish I were there, walking day after day by the river, taking thousands of pictures of buildings and colorful people, mimicking postures of thousands of sculptures, and eating cheese, drinking wine, sipping coffee, listening to the sound of Parisian winds.
Of course, reality won again. I had to save my vacation days for the winter trip back home. Twelve vacation days a year are not enough, but I am not in a good position to argue or even to change the policy.

I didn't go to a yoga camp or a tango festival.
Through Facebook, I received thousands of event invitations. Sorry, dancers in London, Mallorca, Portland, Buenos Aires, Montreal, and especially Chicago that you missed me. I have other things in life needing my full attention. Such as Yang got married with a super short notice. Such as Bungbung got to be checked before doing any long-distance trip. Such as Alex, Viv, and Claudia came to town. Such as Kim invited me to sunset walks. Such as Liu recommended certain must-see exhibitions. I wish I were more involved in the tango or yoga community. Oh well... there are always next weekend and next month and next year.

I didn't go to meet old-time friends flying from Taiwan.
Yvette came to North Carolina. Shaun went to Carlifornia. They were my best buddies in the Drama Club, which would have disappeared if we three had not insisted running it.
Yvette, the woman who never shows fear (沒有在怕的啦), planning everything at last second, drove to DC and wished to meet me. Well.... the States (see? there is an "s" at the end of the country's name) is a much larger country than Taiwan. Even a random state is larger than Taiwan. A 4-hour one-trip driving for a dinner was not very energy-boosting for me after a mentally looong wedding day of Yang's. At least, Yvette and I chatted a couple of times when she was in the States. At least, I was able to answer questions about parking rules for her.
Shaun went on a month-long trip before his medical intern career. He and his friends had the whole trip planned, visiting several gorgeous cities and sceneries. I smiled and wished them having a most unforgettable trip. At least, Shaun and I chatted a couple of times when he was in the States. At least I was able to answer questions about airport check-in processes for him.

I didn't do a lot of things that I wanted to do.
I guess this is always the case, so that I can keep planning and wanting and dreaming to do something. This kind of motivation is crucial. So that I keep my eyes looking forward. So that I have my heart beating for readiness.
I don't regret for things I didn't do but wanted. Oh, regrets are overrated.
Let's throw a kiss to the past and wish it well locked in the unimportant personal history. The past has my kiss and is very satisfied, I believe.
For the final quarter of 2008, I want to do some things. I may let you know if I do them four months later. For now, kiss ba-bye, because I want to do some things in the next minute after now. I am going to do some things today. I am.

For him, I allow this color to appear in my space.