at the 180th mile

Before the rock wall of the mountain appeared in front of me, I had already anticipated it two miles ahead. Counting centi-mile by centi-mile, my heart beat started accelerating with Bungbung. I bet my bug would smile even bigger than he already does if he were a living creature. He would sense his master, me, who smiled hugely when the rock wall came to view.

At the 180th mile of Interstate 80 in PA, it is my favorite scene. It changes as the season changes. It is magnificent in its own way in each season. Now it's springy green. Trees look tiny on the rock wall, whose size is like an entire Manhattan avenue block that contains 100-floor buildings only.
I like rocks in general. I like huge rocks. I like to feel physically small so that I will feel mentally humble.
I feel so small and humble every time I drives by the 180th mile of I-80.

I don't know how many times I have driven by there. Last time before today was a year ago.
It feels like a life time ago.
In front of time, I can't help but feel small and humble. Memory carries me away to many different events which have lost their colors.

The golf course sat outside the window. I could smell it even though in reality I was smelling waffles. I used to take walks across it.
"You are weird." Nat and Alex said.
They think my enjoying walking not understandable. Before 8, I walked because I didn't have other options. At 13, I walked because I started being educated to stay fit. Since 15, I walked a lot because I liked it. At 23, I walked because I didn't have other options. Since 25, I walk a lot again because I like it especially when I can walk with people I like.

"Do you go to Euro Club often?" A random guy asked me when I was filling gas by myself (which I hadn't done for a year. It's not allowed to fill gas by the driver in NJ.).
I looked at him. I don't know him. I shook my head and said "I used to go there often but that was long time ago."
The first time I attended to the regular Wednesday gathering of Euro Club at Allen Street Grill was the fall of 2004. A postdoc from Switzerland took me there. I must have been a nice person then. Or I must have been bored. He was a very weird dorky geek. He mentioned about the European student club (aka Euro Club) and I said ok I would check it out with him. I never liked him but thanks to him for that Wednesday night. I have met a bunch of great friends from the club. That was the first time I met Audrey, a Singaporean student in my department. That's right, not just Europeans go to Euro Club. That's right, I/O psych students and cog psych students usually don't know each other in the psych department. Audrey and I remain good friends.
Last night, I had dinner with 5 Europeans at Allen Street Grill but the dinner did not remind me of the Euro Club. Instead, the random Indian guy at the gas station popped a question and a series of memory waved into my mind.

The past two days, the guy downstairs woke me up as he usually did at the old time. He cursed or coughed loudly every morning. Before my eyes opened, I thought I was still in an old dream. I am glad that Nat has changed the apartment totally. Nothing looked the same, and I opened my eyes with relief.

At least eight friends are moving out of State College in the next few months.
Alexa said I started the trend.
No, don't blame me. I had seen people come and go. I didn't start the trend. It is just a natural trend of State College. People don't stay. People come and play and leave. All of us carry at least one degree away. Away is the point. Some leave with great things such as a spouse or a baby. Some leave behind things such as memories of ex-lovers.
Leave. Sooner or later. Leaving is worth of celebration in State College. So I celebrated for the entire weekend and toasted "Congrats!" to friends who had companied me for some years.

And I left.
To see the rock wall at the 180th mile.
To smile.
To feel small and humble.
To reset.


... resetting