things you never know

1. The big old man somehow treats me like his pen pal. No one seems to like him. He was like a concrete wall with the physique of a basketball player. I had always thought that he looked down on people not only because of his height but also because of his pride. Rumors say that he is so so so proud of himself and his accomplishment to the medical field. I did and do pay respect to him. However, I was never afraid of him. For me, he was the big boss, and business is business, nothing personal. Now, he and I are friends. Seriously. He would email me his excitement on a trip to Taiwan and another trip to China. He would email me his great experiences in those countries. He would wish me have a great time and take care and use different fonts here and there. I am wondering whether he has grandkids. I could be his grandkid or a friend who can listen to him and say something back without being worried about my career.

2. I met the boy who was my first love fantasy even before I fell in love with Andy Lau. After 20 years, I could still see why he attracted me back then, but I do not see any attraction any more. I never told a soul about him at the time when having a feeling for him. I was too young and too busy. In a couple of years, I moved my fantasy to movie stars and got distracted by another boy who later got married at the age of 20. Things have evolved into very different things. At each stage, there is a certainty. At 11, I was certain that he would never love me and so I would keep the secret forever. At 21, I was certain that I would never feel more alive than having such a wonderful college career. At 31, I was certain that I would never know who I will meet and who I will keep in touch in the next 10 years.

3. My brother got the job. Mama emailed me the good news. I was so happy for her and of course for my bro. I always believe in mama. However, she always has doubts. She is afraid that she raised me and my bro in a horribly wrong way. So horrible that both of us are strong heads and independent thinkers. It is not horrible at all. It just makes our lives tougher because we believe we can do what we want to do and because we are so not listening to others. We want our own careers instead of a path set up by parents or a position prepared in a family business. Finally he made it! He learned it the hard way, but he earned it hard.

4. Taipei is so lovely. Of course, I have always loved it. However, the last trip touched a string in my heart that I had thought it would not happen until mama's hair got all silver. I felt acceptance. I felt that Taipei accepted my existence. I have run away for eight years, away from the traditional burden on women, away from the pressure for holding different opinions on being happy. This time around I did not feel out-of-place and I felt that I could possibly move back.

5. Work piles up as it always does. I did not make a to-do list at the end of my trip back to US, which is rare. Something made me relaxed. I am not going to slack off but I will re-pace myself. Time to reset.

6. I accidentally reset my iPhone and lost every thing. EVERY thing. Arhh... all the pictures taken in Taipei disappeared. The pictures with grandma and friends... Now I am trying my best to reconstruct every moment when I had meals and meetings with them. Never ever try to be a smart arss when being attacked by jet lag.