demon and angel

Her name is Dr. Beth.
Since the first time I submitted an NIH grant application, I have called her and emailed her numerous times. My boss had highly recommended me to call her. My boss believes that NIH program officers like to talk to investigators. My boss believes that Dr. Beth is the most incredible program officer for investigators.
I don't know about that. I do know that Dr. Beth is one of the nicest persons in the world.
She always made me feel I was the smartest scientist or my application was the most fundable project.
She has the voice.

It's like picking a yoga class. No matter how good the teacher's skills or teaching techniques are, if he/she does not have the soothing voice that softens every conflict on the earth, I will abandon the class.
Dr. Beth has the voice. She would be a great yoga teacher if she left science.

My first interaction with her was through email.
Not only did she reply immediately, but she also tried to make an appointment for a conference call. If I left a message in her voice mail, she would definitely return my call within one business day.
I felt so important.

This project I had submitted twice, February 2008 being the first submission and November 2008 being the second. See how this process takes time?
My score got better the second time around. But the percentage priority did not seem to 100% ensure me that the project would definitely get funded.
In April, I called Dr. Beth. At that time, she was not my primary program office for this particular project. I asked if her institute was interested in my project. She read my proposal and said yes. I asked her my chance to get funded through her institute. She said the Obama administration gave lots of money to research this year and my project might get funded because of the stimulus fund. I asked if she could re-assign my project to her institute. She ran some internal paperwork and emailed me with a word "Done!"
So I waited.

Last Thursday the 11th was the day when the advice council took place to decide if my project was funded.
I checked a specific NIH website entire day, trying to get the news. However, the website was impossible to get on. Everyone who submitted an NIH proposal seemed to try to get on it.
On the next day, the situation did not change. But messages from NIH said that particular website was going through some serious unknown unsolved problems.
Oh... federal agencies....
So I waited.

After a weekend, I emailed Dr. Beth. My email bounced back immediately, saying she was out of office and would return on Wednesday.
So I waited.

On Wednesday morning, I received Dr. Beth's email, saying my project was not funded.
What? What a demon! How could she do this to me? She gave me hope and a couple months later kicked me down the hill.
My heart was broken. I asked for hugs from everyone in the lab. I could not pay attention in meetings. I forced myself to focus on manuscript writing. I went to bed early.
On Thursday, my big boss comforted me and suggested me to call Dr. Beth. I was like: what is the point to bother her again? Yeah.. she did not help passing my proposal, but it was not her job to make a guarantee. Big boss said that I should call her because she had given me hope that the payline was generous this year with Obama money.
I was convinced then. What could I lose anyway? But instead of calling her, I sent a nice email saying how much I have learned, how much I thanked her for all the encouragement, and how much I would never give up trying again and again. And please kindly let me know if the stimulus fund would work for my application.
I went home and slept over it.

Today, at 9:30 am, Dr. Beth replied with a death sentence: No, sorry, your project was not funded.
My heart was numb. Whatever. I went on with my work and continued writing.
At 4 pm, my phone rang. I thought it was Jenny or Naureen telling me that I should go to test a patient.
It was Dr. Beth!
She said that her computer was down, but luckily she kept my new office number somewhere else. She would like to tell me in person (phone call is indeed more personal than email these days) that she put my project into the process of getting the stimulus money! Before things are signed and sealed, however, she could not guarantee the result, but at least my application is not dead.
She apologized that she made my day down and up in several hours. Even though her computer was not working, she insisted to give me the good news so that I could start my weekend happily.
What a nice person!
I even "oh-my-god"-ed to her remarks although I am not an OMG girl at all. Was she an angel or what? Did she just convert me into an OMG person?
After the conversation, I immediately emailed my boss and big boss. I wanted to pass on the karma of "starting the weekend happily."

Can't believe that my mood is altered so easily by Dr. Beth.
Is it a good sign or bad sign?
I officially become a grant-chasing research scientist, for sure.