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January 10, 2009

counting by years

"Hey, what's up?" I jumped out of bed, seeing an unrecognizable caller number. I thought it must have been the friend's call I was waiting for a day.
'Hey!' He hey-ed me back. I was a bit surprised that Daluan's English sounded so bright and joyful. I never talked to him in English.
"So are you in town? Can you meet today?"
'I'm actually out of town and will be back in a week.'
"Really? I thought you were around. Where are you? How long will you be in Jersey?" Daluan is getting a degree in California but doing research in New Jersey recently.
'What do you mean? I've been in Jersey for 5 years.'
"Wait. Who are you again?" I sat up and listened more carefully. This voice now reminded me of someone else. Now I was awake and felt sweaty directly from my spinal cord. It was Stan.

In summer 2003, I met Stan. Oh man, that was a crazy summer. Many people showed up and disappeared from my world that summer. All appearances were fascinating. I had the best Chinese-speaking parties. Since then, however, I drafted away from the Chinese/Taiwanese community and started my own social circle. In a certain way, I grew up abruptly that summer. I keep few connections with people I met that summer. Looking through pictures taken at that time, I actually only keep in touch with two out of twenty of them. That summer, the two friends both returned to Taiwan. Now one is married, and the other is an associate professor.
Time goes by. Time changes all the time. People change.

People do not change.
My phone number has not changed even though my phone has not been the same and the number record has been updated every time I changed phone. Stan's voice has not changed.
He waited for two years for the first call after disappearance, and he disappeared again. He waited for more years and called me again now.
Perhaps I should have changed my phone number. He told me he never changed his, either.

Memory flushed back in. I forced myself to get out of the house and went to town. Almost missing the train. I ran and ran. Caught the train at the last second. Running in snow was pretty cool.
As staring out of window in the train, memory flushed in once more. Oh what happened in 2003 has stayed in 2003. Things of 2003 had frozen and now were defrosted. Who are they, people in 2003? How should I define them in my life? What was I back then? I was a typical Taiwanese student. In a snap, I disconnected myself by the end of 2003 and embraced the whole international culture, partying with non-Chinese speakers, dancing salsa and tango, practicing yoga, tasting beer and wine, and blogging in English.
I took a nice walk to the studio and tangoed for two good hours. During the two hours, I met Steve. The Steve from State College, the white-haired beer-bellyed Steve. He was in a T-shirt marked "Penn State". He looked thinner. He danced better. He did not lead me by arms! He did not push me from one side to the other. His embrace felt better. He danced better with better musicality and a better manner. He has changed, which made me smile. Hey, how are you, Steve?
More memory flushed in. When did I meet Steve for the first time? I don't remember exactly. Possibly sometime 2005. That was an amazing year too.

Wow, I have history.
"You dance well. But you should not dance well. You are too young to dance well." My first partner today complimented me. He was much older than me.
'I am not young.' I replied.
He was very talkative and tried to teach me some sequence. I told him to lead me into it and if I felt his lead, I would follow. Poor guy, he did not understand the principle of tango: sequences are not taught to followers but only to leaders. We followers follow if leaders do it right. I politely asked him to stop verbally instructing me how to do it. Lucky me, he was not a bad leader, and I could feel his lead and did what he wanted me to do. He was still surprised by my young look. Hey, I am old enough.

"Oh, I am old." Edmund said. He got a cold during the New Year holidays and declared his age was the reason why he was still not fully recovered yet.
I smiled as my reply. I like his age. His being older than me makes himself perfect. A master can never be young. Age is part of the image. He never stops learning as time goes by, and thus time left him in a humble, respectful, elegant posture facing the world, the world of tango. Superstar and I called Edmund the Master behind his back. Edmund led me into beautiful figures, turning and spinning and walking on the crowded floor like flying through clouds in the sky.
"I am very proud of you." Edmund told me after several tandas.
'Am I your best student?' I asked Edmund.
"I am not your teacher."
'You are.' I nodded affirmatively, "I take you as my teacher and I thank you." He smiled in a master kind of way. I imagined that we were on the tip of a high high mountain, typically shown in a martial art movie, where I bowed to him to show my gratitude.
Years later, I will happily recall the moments of dancing with Edmund the Master.
It has been snowing hard as I stepped out the studio. My mind was jumping from year to year. When did I experience snow in Manhattan for the first time?

The last day of my vacation in Taipei I met pals from the Drama Club, the college student club I was devoted in before leaving Taipei. That is, I have not met some of them in seven years.
Geez, they asked me who video-taped one show that we played. How could I remember? They said it must have been my boyfriend at that time. Really? Was the show video-taped at all? Was I an actor in it?

Hitting 30 may really means something for some people. Something being: to be hit by the idea of seriously thinking what to do in next five to ten years. Yvette and Shaun are thinking.
"As I realized that life is counted by years, I decided to seriously think about the next step of my life." Yvette would like to change career or re-gear how to live her life. I encouraged her to do anything but begged her not to move out of Taipei. I always admire Yvette as a great player in life. She seldom follows expectations and always surprises me. My girl friends and I have one thing in common: if we want to do something, we will do it good or not do it at all. So I am looking forward to Yvette's next step.
Shaun re-thought his relationship and decided that 30 is too young to settle down. Oh what a heart broker. He already showed me a picture of his next boyfriend while I was still trying to remember the name of his current boyfriend of five years.

We are not young anymore as time is counted by years.
The good thing is:
We are never old enough to stop planning about years in coming and to be surprised pleasantly by things not planned ahead.


2 comments:

Ting 2 said...

You're 30?!?!?!
?!?!?!
?!?!?!
?!?!?!

I met you in 2005. That's right, Spring, developmental psychology, 2005.

Holy shit.

pei said...

According to the Chinese tradition, I will be 31 in less two weeks. That's what I have been dealing with since I was born. My grandpa was born on the Chinese New Year's Eve, so he was almost immediately 2 years old right after getting out of his mother. Perhaps this is why I always feel having an older soul than my actual age.