love

Where is love?
It's in the airport.

I was totally sold as these lines starting the movie "Love Actually".
The stories of the movie were not surprising at all. Pieces make the whole surrounding the topic love, which is not a new style of romantic films.
The first of this kind that caught my eye is an HK film 新同居時代 (English title is "In Between"). Oh, it just so happened that my favorite actress Maggie Cheung was one of the leading roles. Wow, that was 1994. My memory of Chinese movies stops at the year of 2002. Can't blame me.
By the way, my all time favorite love film is still 甜蜜蜜 Tian mi mi. This 1996 movie made Maggie Cheung my favorite.

Back to love.
Last night, I saw "Dan in Real Life", which is surprisingly good!
Surprising point number 1: I was surprised by Juliette Binoche. I did not know it was her who played the female leading role. I went to see the movie simply because I saw Steve Carell's head lying on a stack of pancakes for the past whole month at every bus stop booth in Manhattan.

This is called obsession.
Once someone gets my attention in one film, I probably will see all the future films that he/she plays in. I had no idea what "Dan in Real Life" was about. I did not even see the trailer. I simply thought it could be good because of Steve Carell.
Obession example number 1: Maggie Cheung. After Tian mi mi, I saw films made with her acting.

Steve Carell got my attention in "Little Miss Sunshine". His performance in the TV show "Office" is also good but in a disturbing way so I stopped watching the show after the first DVD of the first season.
(Disturbingly good means an actor plays a disturbing character or plays in a disturbing story with a great great great performance that enhances the quality of the film or the show and also facilitates the purpose of the film. Usually, in this category, the purpose is to disturb the audience. If the purpose is successfully accomplished, I am disturbed and I will not see it again.
Disturbingly good movie example number 1: Boys Don't Cry)

Oh, right, "Dan in Real Life" discusses about love.
It's humorous and witty and laughable and touching and .... scrumptious :)
There was a weird moment when a young guy said "Love is not a feeling. It's an ability." and Steve Carell's character disagreed. The moment was weird because that was almostly exactly my definition when I was probably 10 years younger.
I believed 愛是動詞, literally translation: Love is a verb. That is, love is to make someone feel being loved. If that person does not feel it, there is no love.
The believe came from my desire of being loved.
I wanted to feel being loved by a certain person who told me he loved me but could not act as if he loved me.

Now, I don't agree with my old belief anymore.
People change because people meet people who change their perspectives toward things, even fundamental things such as belief of love.
I met another person who acted as if he loved me (i.e., made me feel being loved) even though he did not feel love.

So at that weird moment in the movie, I shook my head.
Love is a feeling. You don't need an ability to feel it. You just feel it.
You are confused?
Let's try again.
Love is a feeling, not an ability. You love because you feel it, not because you are able to make people feel being loved.
You cannot control the feeling emerging through your cells and surfacing on your skin. Every time you resist the emerging process, you get confused and question yourself about the feeling. The more you question about it, the more you get confused.

When I am confused, I frown.

Steve Carell is great at laughing at difficult moments and making those moments from a frowning me to a smiling me.
He made my night a good smiling one.
Recently I have smiled much much more. This is a sign for feeling happy.
Perhaps it is because the feeling of love is not reflected as a single easily assessable facial expression, it confuses people who actually feel it.

And I met Dan in real life :)
Dan, a white-haired and white-bearded man, who works in the movie theater.
He asked which movie we saw. I said Dan in Real Life. He said hi, I'm Dan. I shook hands with Dan. Cal, as usual, started the conversation. Dan started talking about movies coming soon, his grandchildren, and his neighborhood.
Cal always makes strangers the center of attention, and strangers will tell him anything. So amusing.
Somehow I enjoyed that moment. Dan the stranger and conversations. I felt warm.

I have started developing an ability to initiate or to continue a conversation with totally strangers met in non-social occasions.
My heart has been lightened.
I am ready to feel again.