flash back

I am not on Facebook. But Kevin and Nat talk about it because they are making "friends" there.
What do you mean by friends in that world? The whole concept for me is very weird.
Since Kevin and Nat are currently my good friends, I decide to check it out.

While having breakfast, I google Facebook and go there and find that I can enter my gmail account to find "friends" without registering as a Facebook user.
So that is what I do. I enter my gmail and password. There are 184 "friends" showing up.
It is easy to figure out. The database of my gmail is just retrieved and ALL of my "having emailed" people whose email accounts match email accounts in Facebook show up. There are 184 of them. I cannot see their profiles but I can see their names and pictures.

I stroll it down.
It is like a flash back of my American life.
Some people I have never met. Who should be my experiment participants or prospective students just exchanging email with me long time ago or recently.
Some people I have not seen for 1 to 4 years. Their names and pictures just strike me... oh where are they now? what are they doing now? do I really care?
Some people I see everyday and I never expect they are on Facebook (or never being informed that they are there).
I am like.... TOBY! He is on Facebook with his race car as the picture. oh, toby.
and marc. which is not unexpected but the fact that I never knew kinda gives me a sense of being betrayed. Of course, not that serious. But still.... I feel so behind.
So behind.
The two men I see most often everyday. The two men affect my life most. The two men make me laugh and cry most profoundly. They are so advanced, far more advanced than me in catching up the e-trend, the Web 2.0, the "making-friends-online" thing.

In 3 minutes, I saw a previous RA's wedding picture. Oh, she got married!
Another RA's kissing picture. Oh, I thought that geek would never have that kind of human contact.
Another RA's growing body mass. Oh, life can be too comfortable, uh?
Many first- and second-year grads are there too.
I feel ... behind and old altogether.

But I have no desire to get on Facebook or MySpace where I found many friends too.
Most "friends" are people I know of, not I know. It is like a huge party: you meet everyone and no one.
I am not in a party mood.

I am in a I-have-to-finish-writing mood plus a shocked mood when seeing the two men's names.

Ah... what a great 5-degree sunday morning without a party mood, uh?