good-how-are-you

I prefer to say "hey" rather than "how are you?" every time when I meet a coworker in the hallway.

That means I can never become the CEO of my organization. The CEO always takes time to stop,  looking into my eyes, smiling at me (even his eyes smile), and asking "How are you?" with each word articulated (instead of howareyou). He presents this common greeting so sincerely that I feel guilty if I don't provide a true answer.
No one provides the true answer to howareyou. Because there is only one answer, which is goodhowareyou. Seriously, I say it like a word not four.

I would like to change the office atmosphere by greeting with "hey" or simply nodding upward at the person crossing my path. This would reduce dishonesty for a tremendously amount.
For one thing, most people do not care how I am. They just want to be polite, be friendly, and be considered as "professional".
For another reason, most people say good-how-are-you in the same way as I say it and do not mean they feel good at the moment.
Therefore, if this kind of pointless exchanges can be eliminated once and for all, there is less dishonesty flowing around in the work place.

My profession requires precision in every word I produce in writing or speaking. Greeting with how-are-you-good-how-are-you is totally imprecise and boring.
Many non-Americans argue that Americans are superficial. The truth is everyone is superficial, but Americans highlight this human trait by over-using this seemingly caring conversation. When they finally decide to care, they would say "Seriously, how are YOU?" If they have not put themselves in the situation of being explicitly superficial, there would be no need to clarify the actual intention of the question when they really care. 

Americans who are as busy as me would agree with me. They do not exchange that meaningless conversation. They smile and nod and pass me by. When I ask "How are you?" they start talking about their houses, children, pets, vacations, and boring meetings. They desire a chunk of time for being cared so that they can take a breath, think about themselves, complain about meaningless things making them busy, and end with "So how are you?"
And I say "Good."
So that we can proceed to reach the original purpose of the meeting.
I am professionalized. Sigh.


Or I don't know how I am. "Good" is an easy answer.
I am not used to being cared verbally.
I am not sure how to answer that question. I have no conscious access to that part of me. I have indicators though. When my work load is over to certain level, I have dreams in which I was in my high school classroom worrying about exams. When my personal life sucks, I feel drowsy all the time. When things go well at work, I work more. When things go poorly at work, I am silent.

I have four manuscripts waiting for me to revise. I am supposed to resubmit a grant. I am applying for two new IRB protocols. I am grading 13 final papers from students. I am spending time composing this blog entry. I am good.
Perhaps I will dream about the high school classroom tonight. But last night, I dreamed of the unborn baby of my cousin. I saw its face. I myself was a girl named "Louis" from the Middle East. Such random dreams make me wonder whether I am good.

Don't ask me. Just say hey.  

Irene Weekend

On Friday at work, people were talking about Irene and how they were preparing for its arrival. A co-worker who also lived in Hoboken kindly informed me that she would stay with her relatives in South Jersey, and if I wished to park my car in her apartment building, I could go to blah blah blah. I seriously did not write down her address and let the information enter and leave my head.

My attitude to this event was the same as my attitude to the earthquake incident several days ago. Come on, that earthquake was not that terrifying in comparison to every quake I had experienced in Taiwan. And please, it's just a hurricane. Like a typhoon. Nothing to worry about.

On the second thought, however, I was worried about Hoboken. The town always got flooded if it rained more than three hours. Hoboken has the worst drainage system I've ever seen. Every time when it was flooded, my 30-minute commute could become a 2-and-half-hour journey.
So the level of my worry increased as the day went by. Before noon, the CEO announced that we had an early closing for all employees to go home and prepare for the storm. That was a really nice gesture, and I totally accepted it.
I drove back to Hoboken and carefully parked bungbung at a spot where no tree or power line was able to fall on it. And I went shopping for food.
The scene in the supermarket was quite dramatic: Half of the store was empty. With the sun and breezes in the late afternoon, people were really scared with the thought of a storm coming to starve them.

I stayed home over night, checking the news constantly. Mama and superstar called and made sure that I was alright. Superstar suggested me drive away and stay somewhere else in case Hoboken got flooded badly. Before going to bed, I decided that I would decide whether to move bungbung to a garage in the morning.
All the information I took in, however, made me sleepless. Correction: I only had six hours of sleep. I drove on the streets around 7am on Saturday and found that all the garages were full. Eventually, I parked on a street that was on the top of this hilly town and that there was no tree or power line around. I sat by the sidewalk for about 15 minutes and convinced myself that this was a good decision.
Satisfied, I went to purchase batteries and candles. I went home and waited for the storm.

I was pretty calm until a call from the mayor of Hoboken. It was her voice message telling all residents "Run for your life! Leave! If you parked your car on the street, it'll be towed." I frowned and reacted to the message: I packed and left.
Well, to tell this story more accurately, I went online to see the projected path of the hurricane and decided that I should go northwest in order to avoid it. Binghamton was just outside the path, and I know someone there. So I booked a hotel room near Binghamton and I packed and left. This move on Saturday was the start of my long Irene weekend.

Thanks to Joey, I had two dinners with a funny companion. Talking to a friend who just started his American life as a PhD student made me humble, setting me back to summer 2002... when I landed in State College, PA on Aug 13 that year, it was pouring with lots of thunders. Yes, I came into a storm with a general direction but no idea what was waiting for me. And now I'm driving around by myself in this country, trying to outrun a storm. Life is funny.
Yes, I stayed for two nights. It was crazy. When I woke up on Sunday morning, I found the power was out and the storm had successfully chased me to Binghamton. Damn broadcasting! Binghamton was supposed to be storm free! Anyway, I sat in dark with the sounds of rain and wind. Immediately I called the front desk to make sure that I was not dreaming. The front desk confirmed my fear.

I put myself together, got dressed, and went to the lobby for coffee. It was full of people running away from New Jersey or New York. In dim light, people were greeting, and children were laughing. For me, it was a good feeling that I was not in this mess alone.
A family tried to check in, but the front desk could not take them in. I felt bad: I was only one person occupying a suite with a non-functioning jacuzzi. This family of four had to wait if anyone checked out by noon. I was thinking I probably should ask if Joey could take me in.
Suddenly, the power was back! A smile immediately came to my face. Everyone was cheered up.
I went back to my room and watched all the news channels about the storm. I checked online to see if Hoboken was under water. Yes, Binghamton was flooded here and there. The river near Joey's place might crest. In Hoboken, every where but my street was flooded, meaning that there was no way for me to drive back today. The news about Hoboken also included that "live" power lines were down in the flood water, and if you walked in it, you might get electrified. It said that you should not walk outdoors or even walk your dogs at all because the flood water was so dangerous and toxic.
The more information I was receiving, the more I leaned toward the idea of staying for one more night. Before Joey could answer my request, I booked the room for another night.
I did not dare to drive outside because the news anchors and the weather reporters were telling me the town where I was staying just got 8 flood alerts and warnings. What the...  I wished Joey was alright and tried to reach him. And it turned out that he was just vacuuming his apartment and did not hear the phone ring. Oh well.

Driving back home on Monday, I enjoyed a pleasantly sunny day. Driving through the mountains at 120km/hr (80 m/h) for three hours gave me some happiness.  The scenes I drove by from New York, Pennsylvania, briefly Delaware, to New Jersey looked no trace of the hurricane. This storm did not do as much damage as I thought. I realized how Americans lived in fear induced by the media that was funded by the insurance industry. I just spent more than 300 dollars related to storm preparation, gas, and hotel rooms. I still believed that my car would have been fine at that parking spot I found for it, and that I would be safe and sound staying in my apartment for the weekend. 

However, when I approached Hoboken, I found it almost impossible to get into Hoboken. Many ramps were closed. Many roads were blocked. I did not see flood, but see police cars blocking roads.
On Tuesday back to work, the time I spent on the road doubled because of random road closure.... Arh... I hate it sometimes that over the years I actually have gained more patience, or learned helplessness, to road situations.

Here are some clips of flooded Hoboken. After viewing these, I was very glad that I drove away from it. Thank you, Mayor Zimmer.



This one is scary only for people who know what this park looked like before the storm....




Bye, Irene.

公務員般

我弟在個大公司上班一個月後的感想：像是公務員一樣。
公務員至少有兩個負面的特徵：固定的上班時間和例行的工作內容。

我朝九晚五，可是絕大多數做學術研究的人都沒有固定的「上班時間」。上班時間要上引號因為做學術研究這行業是隨時都可以工作，包括不在辦公室的時候。我經常晚上或週末在家裡工作，只是因為辦公室離我滿遠的，不然我寧願在辦公室做事。
我認識的金融業、建築業、醫療業、電子業的朋友們每天都工作至少十個小時，而且他們的業務一定要在辦公室或是家裡之外的工作場所才能執行，公務員應該不會羨慕他們。

固定的上班時間應該不是我弟抱怨的重點，應該是工作內容。重複做類似的事情的確是滿難有成就感的，要怎麼被上司賞識到然後換來多一點變化（多元的工作 = 多項工作）就看本事了。

大部分的人對別人行業的工作型態都是不了解的，可是我認為每一條路的歷程是類似的，學術研究的路跟其他行業的路沒有多大差別：定大方向　->　起頭　-> 階段性目標達成　-> 決定要不要繼續走下去　-> 下一個階段完成 -> 遇到貴人和好時機　-> 往上爬一層換個稱謂　-> 遇到好市場，受到多方注意　->　往上躍一層，贏了聲譽　->　市場繼續看好　->　往上飛一層　-> 　十年後還在那裡　-> 　穩座上位

這條路要走多久，看個人造化。我十五歲時就定了大方向，十八歲就起頭，二十七歲階段性目標達成，二十九歲決定要繼續走下去，希望有一天可以當教授。
Ｃａｔｈｌｅｅｎ四十三歲升上教授，Ｔｏｂｙ今年應該五十歲了才升上副教授，這一切都跟學術智力無關，而是社交智慧和研究主題決定了如何走順這條路。

成功要如何衡量？往上爬的速度嗎？還是堅持下去的時間？稱謂大小嗎？聲望嗎？還是收入？
無論用哪一個衡量方式，公務員也是有機會成功的。

如果工作真的是無聊到爆，至少腦力可以空出來想想第二條路。過去十年我沒有發展任何可能的第二條路的能力，沒有時間沒有腦力，對任何事情都沒有很大熱情要做到專業。現在，我在同一個大領域做很多不同小領域的事情，不能算是第二條路，而算是衍生出來新的挑戰，公務員般朝九晚五的日子裡有滿多新的變化，各種不同小小的成就感讓我想繼續走下去。

我也有走不下去的時候，三年多前曾經有非常絕望的感覺，專業領域上的絕望，經濟上的絕望，語言能力上的絕望，私人情感上的絕望，越想越覺得自己在美國甚至回台灣都不可能有什麼前途的。可是我撐過去了，花了兩年時間寫了三次的研究經費終於拿到了，剛好也過完薪水悲慘的博士後研究員生活，人開朗了，什麼事情似乎都又有了希望。「撐下去」三個字是很多人沒有辦法做到，但是有的時候就是成功的原因。我還沒成功啦，但是也還沒失敗，正在祈求＂遇到好市場，受到多方注意＂的那個里程碑。

如果用結果來定義成功，那麼我的路可能要走很久，可能比 Toby 久。所以過程開不開心很重要，慢慢來沒關係，我選擇住在Hoboken，不再在太陽下山後就提心吊膽或是無所事事；我選擇把時間優先權給班比和麻嗎，晚上周末做不完的事情，第二天還是可以做的；我選擇散步慢跑瑜珈，不要醒著的時間都盯著電腦或是開著車。

除了那兩個負面的特徵，公務員這個詞還有一個特徵，但是對我來說不是負面的。安定是我喜歡的，安定是一種外象的狀態也是一種心境。我知道我的定位，我的責任，我做得到和做不到的事情；我知道我是什麼角色，我可以是什麼角色，我可以讓別人認為我是什麼角色；我知道薪水每兩個禮拜會發下來，我知道我一年有二十五天的假。

如果用幸福感來定義成功，目前我是比每天做例行事務的公務員來的成功。
（還好我不認識任何公務員。。。）

巴黎行(下)

來到巴黎，除了鐵塔、凱旋門和博物館之外，就是要去看看教堂，像是遊台灣的旅客一定無法錯過廟宇一樣。
我看了三個教堂，其中兩個有進去參觀。
一到巴黎的那天(6/16/2011)，Zabeth 要我多接受陽光洗禮，這樣比較容易對抗時差，所以她帶我去一個自從"艾蜜莉的異想世界 (Amelia)"上映後就變成景點的聖心大教堂(Basilique du Sacre-Coeur)。 一路從她家走過去，她說她媽媽在世的時候那附近還不是景點，聚集很多藝術家，她媽媽很喜歡去那裡晃。
現在倒是聚集很多畫匠，跟旅客收錢畫像，像是紐約的時代廣場。
過兩天(6/18/2011)，Zabeth和我去聖母院(Cathédrale Notre Dame de Paris)。上回去加拿大魁北克的時候，剛好有遇見別人的導遊說聖母院對法國人的重要性，所以我發現法國到處是聖母院，像是台灣每個城市一定會有媽祖廟一樣。大家都喜歡有個媽媽形象的神保佑自己。
巴黎的聖母院是我見過最方整莊嚴的教堂，她的正門外觀是目前最合我美感胃口的教堂。蓋了三百年才完成的大型藝術品。
我在巴黎的最後一天 (6/23/2011)　要去 Zabeth 的系上報告, 她說去她學校之前，我們可以去看一個她的德文版巴黎導覽裡推薦的教堂：聖禮拜堂 (La Sainte-Chapelle)。是的，在我到巴黎造訪 Zabeth 之前，她自己其實沒有好好參觀巴黎各大景點。例如我和她都是第一次去龐畢度，第一次登上凱旋門。總之，她一直有準備她自己的巴黎導覽，終於搬來巴黎一年之後有用武之地。
我必須要說，聖母院的外觀或許是最讚的，但是聖禮拜堂的二樓內景是最無法用言語形容的，我一登上二樓，立刻起雞皮疙瘩。
以下就是我去這些教堂的相簿：

Churches I visited in Paris

最後要介紹一些小景點給你
1. Jardin du Luxembourg 就是一個有整齊樹木花草噴水池的公園。我跟 Aya 在六月十七下午去的，天氣不太好，開始下毛毛雨的時候，我們跑到附近一家茶店坐坐 bread & roses，還行啦。
2. Opera Garnier 巴黎歌劇院，裝潢繁雜華麗，唯一很現代的是歌劇廳天花板，跟週遭的雕飾完全不合的現代派藝術畫家 Chagall 的大作。我跟 Aya 六月二十去的，本來是想要試試第二天有沒有歌劇可以看，還好沒票了，不然就錯過一年一度的夏至音樂節。可是我們還是有進去參觀。
3. La Fayette 百貨公司，就在歌劇院附近，百貨公司本身就是一個世界各大城市都可以找到的百貨公司，景點是百貨公司中心的天井，天井頂是一個巨大的彩繪玻璃。六月二十二，Zabeth 帶我進去拍幾照片就出來了。
4. Jardin du Tuileries 就是羅浮宮和 Place de la Concorde 之間。或者換個說法，從羅浮宮可以一路直直走到凱旋門，羅浮宮和 Place de la Concorde 之間是Jardin du Tuileries，Place de la Concorde 和凱旋門之間就是香榭大道。
5. Avenue de Champs Elysees 香榭大道，嗯，就是一條圍繞著昂貴名牌商店的馬路，對我來說值得一走完全是因為馬路底是凱旋門。
6. Place de la Concorde 還滿適合拍照的。不過交通號誌燈的設計有點不明確，遊客都是匆忙衝過馬路，經過時要注意交通安全。
7. Place des Vosges 是個古老的紅磚社區住宅，四面公寓為著一個公園，你在 Wikipedia 可以找得到喔。
8. Rue Mouffetard 是一條長長彎彎的小巷子，充滿各式各樣的小商店（包括珍奶），是 Zabeth 的爸爸在巴黎最喜歡的一條街。我和 Zabeth 去那裡逛了一下子，買了一條裙子。

就這樣啦，有機會自己去，有空就看看我的相片囉：

Small tours in Paris

最後，因應麻嗎要求（"我想要看你在照片裡啦，出去玩怎麼都拍風景")，我放幾張不容易猜到我在哪裡拍照的獨照來給她開心一下。

巴黎行 (上)

到達巴黎之前，我買了一本小小的巴黎導覽，因為那導覽後面幾頁有地圖還有一些旅遊須知的法文，至於景點有哪些，我並不是很在意，班比卻是很在意，在我的導覽上圈了幾個他認為我非去不可的地方。
飛機一落地，我有點緊張，因為 Zabeth 給我準備的邀請函不是官方文件, 是私人書信的方式, 可是她用法文寫, 所以我不確定內容是什麼。我心裡盤算著答案，如果海關問我住那裡，我就說住旅館。因為旅館訂房紀錄不需要警察局蓋章，而我一印出訂房紀錄，就在兩天內取消了訂房，所以沒花到錢。如果海關質疑我的旅遊經費，我就出示我的信用卡。如果海關問我有沒有保險，我就給他看我的健保卡。結果，我拿出我的台灣護照，她連頭都沒抬起來看我一眼，一句話也沒說，章就蓋下去了。我就進入歐盟了。

循著 Zabeth 的指示，我坐 RER 換 Metro (地鐵) 到了火車站東站 (Gare de l'Est)，Zabeth 在站門口迎接我。於是我的巴黎行程正式開始，每一天幾乎都是由 Zabeth 策畫。六月十六下午三點開始。

我去了大部分外國遊客一定會去的大景點，也去了只有熟路人才會知曉的小景點，算一算我一天平均去兩個景點，大部分的時間是在走路和聊天。
巴黎很好走。到處是見機行事的路人和鑽來鑽去的機車，車子都短短窄窄的，街上沒什麼垃圾，很像台北，可是空氣品質比台北好。巴黎地鐵站裡垃圾很少，手機有通，標示滿清楚的，但是樓梯處常常充滿尿騷味，而且夏天車廂內沒有冷氣。這麼一比，紐約就輸了，巴黎地鐵有的優點它都沒有,又髒又臭人又爆多，地鐵更是在各個方面都不及格。台北就贏了，除了到站時有過多語言的廣播之外，我對台北捷運幾乎沒有怨言。

在巴黎走來走去很舒服，建築物很美，漂亮有氣質的人到處是。在非景點的地方，我覺得白人和黑人的比例差不多，東亞人很少 (所以常有人盯著我看)；在景點，白人最多，東亞人零星但次之。看人，是一件很休閒的事情。
夏至那天傍晚，我感受到巴黎年輕人的活力。整個巴黎充滿小小的音樂會，大家都出來玩。我和 Zabeth 的朋友在運河岸散步聽音樂吹晚風，這也是我小小的旅遊導覽上沒有提到的事。
如果你對巴黎非景點的街景和人物有興趣，點一下這照片：

Ordinary Scenes of Paris

我最喜歡的大景點是艾菲爾鐵塔 (Tour Effel)。因為只要它能入鏡，照片就很有風情。因為我只要一靠近它，我就微笑。第一次看見它，是在龐畢度中心 (Centre Pompidou) 樓上，那是我在巴黎的第三天。第二次是我在巴黎的第五天，我直接到它面前，天氣陰雨，可是我還是喜歡上它。第三次是第六天　06/21/2011，我從羅浮宮 (Musee du Louvre) 沿著香榭大道 (Champs-Elysees Avenue)走到凱旋門 (Arc de Triomphe) 的路上, 一直遙望著小小的它。 第四次是第七天，天氣終於放晴，我參觀完羅浮宮後沿著河岸走向它，在塔腳曬太陽看小說聽小提琴演奏。第五次是我在巴黎的最後一晚，我在凱旋門上看著它變成金色。
既然說到凱旋門，它算是我也不錯喜歡的巴黎代表性大景點，因為它比我想像中大，比我想像中要來的莊嚴。以下的相簿包括艾菲爾鐵塔和凱旋門：

Effel & Triomphe

博物館我也去了幾個代表性的，羅浮宮是一定要的，我個人對於它的建築比對於它的館藏有興趣。奧塞美術館 (Musee d'Orsay) 的館藏才是我的最欣賞的。龐畢度中心就是個典型的當代藝術美術館，但不一定是追求"美"的。我跟 Zabeth 還找到畢卡索博物館 (Musee Picasso)，結果發現它休館到2013年，館藏世界巡迴中，而目前正在台北！是的, 門口標示著六月十八到九月十八在台北歷史博物館 (建中對面) 展出。所以下一個相簿是我的博物館之行：

Pompidou, Orsay, & Louvre

。。。待續