partner assessment

Superstar likes to say “the world does not exist once I die.” For him, the world is entirely dependent on his mind; the truth is what he perceives; the action is all in his head. Or put it the other way: the world is mind-dependent.

First, I find it personally disturbing. It is upsetting information that he believes that I do not exist when all his sensory and memory systems get turned off. Let me hope that I am in his mind, so that I will exist again when he thinks of me. While he does not think of me, I will dissolve into the nothingness.

Second, as a scientific theorist, I do not buy his theoretical belief. For me, the world is independent from my mind. My mind simply represents the world. When I die, the earth will keep revolving around the sun, but I can no longer know about it because the representational system – mind – has stopped functioning. That is, his existence has nothing to do with my existence. While I do not think of him, he will not dissolve into the nothingness, but it means that I simply have no currently active representation of him.

See the huge obstacle in our relationship? We are cognitive psychologists holding very different theories of mind. He is a self-absorbed carefree player, and I am an individualizing observant enthusiast.

He does not care about issues that have bothered me for the greater good of our planet and the human race, both of which will disappear once he dies anyway. He uses energy saving appliances and re-uses all kinds of materials because he is by nature a Hakka. He keeps glass bottles and cans for his collection of wine bottles and coke cans. He eats junk food because he can never get fat and is very convinced that he’s perfectly healthy.

However, everyone loves Superstar. The compliments I have received about him from my friends include adjectives such as loving, caring, warm, sensitive, sensible, and down-to-earth. People are telling me that he is a great find and definitely a keeper as if I myself had done a wonderful job involving him in my life. Is it true that I am the only person in the world could actually feel his aloofness?
His aloofness is all about his happiness. He has no worries at present. He has no shadows from the past. He has no anxiety about the future.
He is, in a word, abnormal.

Nat once asked me why I never dated someone normal. I would like to ask her the same question.
Perhaps Superstar is indeed as normal as a boy his age/his background can be, but I believe he is not, so that I can perfectly convince myself to be with him as often as I want to.
I am, too, abnormal.
For him, perhaps I am as normal as a girl my age/my background can be, and he believe I am, so that he can perfectly convince himself to be with me as often as he wants to.

See another obstacle between him and I? I believe he is abnormal so I think I would never quite understand him, which is totally fine with me. All I want is to be happy with him and to make him happy with me. Love is simple.
However, he believes I am normal so he thinks he should be able to understand or has already understood me, which if not successful, would be totally a disaster for him. All he wants is to be happy with me and to make me happy with him. Love is simply complicated.
As a result, I appear light-headed and detached, and he appears understanding and loving.

I would now conclude with a shrug. He would want much more clarified arguments on his assessment. But this is my blog. I have the final say or shrug. He doesn't care things not existing in his head, and he is abnormal. Fine, he is loving, caring, warm, sensitive, sensible, and down-to-earth. Whatever. End of discussion.