happy mama's day

Today the HR informed me that I needed to pay $3,000 out of my pocket for the second phase of the green card application. Of course, I complained silently and will eventually write that check in a few days. Then I went home and watched the movie Shame on DVD. The Brandon character reminded me of someone who I had almost forgotten entirely even though I have to admit that this someone changed my life in a significantly harsh way. Perhaps this not-so-positive vibe since 4pm made me complain about the difficulty of life, which is a usual excuse for me not trying to find a better justification.

Then I thought of my mother, who plays the most important role at every stage of my life. The thought of her made me feel guilty about my negative thinking of my own life. How could I complain about life? The only person that I need to take care of physically, mentally, cognitively, and finacially is myself. At my age, she had to take care of me and my brother while paying mortgage and living with the trauma caused by the fact that my father declaired his love of another woman. My mom also cooked every evening and kissed me good night every night until I went to college.

When I was learning how to ride a scooter, one thing that encouraged me was that my mother does not know how to ride a bicycle but I do. I believed that I could do better than she. When I was stressed out with only $20 in my bank account, I thought of her and believed that I could survive for a few days until my paycheck came. When I was robbed, I called her and she calmed me down. When I was heart-broken, hit by bs at work, informed with annoying news at doctors' offices, or lonely and sick...,  I did not tell her but think of her. Nothing in life will end the world because she will be there for me if I do ask for help.

Today is her birthday. I should say yesterday Taiwan time was her birthday. Learning her life, I know life is difficult. Learning her life, I know I need to be and am living my own life instead of a life that follows anyone's expectation. Learning her life, I know I need to be tougher than she was so that I will not re-live the tragedies that she went through. But she also experienced lots of joyful moments with her children in a way only single-parent families can understand and cherish.

Let's celebrate mama's new age! Thank her for her unconditional love and liberal education. She is a Goddess as many have suggested :)  I must have done tons of great things last life for being her daughter this life. Or I'm simply lucky. I think I am simply lucky.