proposal

I have no dream for my wedding. I am not saying that I don't like weddings. I almost always shedded tears in weddings especially during the vow exchange. I just never imagined my own wedding because I don't feel it's necessary for my life or for my marriage if it ever happens.
Getting married is to legalize the social unit in which two people (in the context of the main-stream cultural style) staying together as lovers, financial supporters, live-in companions, and even soul mates. But why is it necessary for the government or a religious organization recognizes my personal choice of life partner?  Why do I need a license for it?  I have had doubt about the involvement of such legal process -- and social expectation -- for as long as I can remember.  Do not blame all the failed marriages for my doubt.  I always have doubts in situations where I feel being forced to comply.

I also do not fancy any kind of traditional or conventional weddings. I think spending loads of money and time in taking wedding pictures before the wedding itself is absurd. That's right. Taiwanese people have been doing so as a regular wedding preparation for decades.  Now this fashion is adopted by other Asian countries.  People usually do not look like themselves in those pictures because they are dressed in outfits that do not belong to them, in makeup and lighting that change the natural features, and in digital editing that transforms them into someone else.  I think wedding-picture taking is only necessary during the actual wedding. I have no objection to hiring professional photographers to catch smiles and other moments during the wedding and reception. 
Any other kinds of conventional things I don't like?  Having the ceremony in any religious setting or building is just not consistent with what I believe.  This extends to the dress. White or red?  Veil or not?  The point is I don't care much about the wedding itself.  A great beautiful glamorous wedding does not guarantee a long-lasting joyful marriage.

However, I have had dreams of proposals since early teens.  Unlike the wedding including people who you don't really know, the proposal is exclusively limited to the two individuals.  Let's not talk about those traditional situations where the guy has to propose to the father of the gal.
I think the act of a marriage proposal puts so much pressure on both individuals that the preparation, the process, and the result are almost always romantic even if the proposal fails.  Yes, I used the word romantic.  My favorite movie-moment of marriage proposals is the one in Stepmom (see the clip below).  I was not 20 yet when seeing that scene. I wished mine would happen in the similar way.




More recently, I found the proposal does not need to be intimate.  A group effort can be very moving too.  Here is the clip making me cry. The guy Isaac really did a great job.

 

And just about a week ago, I saw another proposal following Isaac's approach. I cried again. So hopeless.
 

Although people on some parts of the earth are suffering, this world is still so beautiful with love and lovers who can make their own decisions for their own lives. 
As to my proposal? It happened in the morning after days of not-so-pleasant discussion about the way how I should connect with his family. I woke him up by saying 我們結婚吧 (let's get married).  He agreed.

Yeah... a marriage is not for the two individuals but for the two families. This is especially true when your partner gives his/her family a hugely irreplaceable role in his/her life. I finally made up my mind to have not just him but also his family involved in my life.

中文技能

兩三年前, 系主任透過他的秘書找到我, 只因為我會聽說讀寫中文, 要我幫他翻譯幾張投影片, 讓他去中國演講的時候可以愛現一下. 專業用語的翻譯其實是很困難的, 而且我的確是不太知道要怎麼用中文表達我的專業, 更別說是系主任先生的專業了. 不過, 花了十幾分鐘, 上網確定一下一些專有名詞, 我還是幫他了, 只是我 “忘記“ 跟他說中國人不看正體字.

這人情變成滾不完的人情, 從中國來訪問的學者醫生都是衝著他的大名來的, 他都會推我出來, 要大家跟我認識認識, 其實就變成了照顧照顧. 你說從來沒接受英文教育的人, 憑他們的英文怎麼能在這裡生存, 怎麼跟美國人打哈哈, 怎麼知道什麼話是客套, 什麼話有雙關, 什麼字眼是“我其實不知道你在說什麼", 什麼表情是 "我真的不想聽你說話". 有些人的英文程度甚至沒辦法做專業上的交談. 我變成免錢的翻譯加導覽人員.


當然, 這也是雙向的. 中國人的英文很中文. 很短的句子, 很中文的文法, 很愛說 ok, 很容易中文直翻英文, 讓美國人完全不了解他們到底想要表達什麼. 通常我會讓中國人試著說一下以示尊重, 但是真的聽不下去, 或是我同事我老闆微笑的轉過來看著我的時候, 我就只好翻譯或是換句話說了. 但是雞同鴨講的時候還是很常見, 若是大家都假裝有聽懂, 沒跟我求救, 我通常就微笑當傻子.

醫院院長居然也聽說我很好用, 才送走第某某解放軍醫院又有哪省哪市有人要來, 要我翻譯一些歡迎的字句.  職務上, 我不是醫院的人, 但是以後需要他們繼續給我病人讓我的研究繼續, 我當然馬上幫忙, 強化個人公關.（那些來訪的人怎麼都沒抗議為什麼沒有簡體字?）最近這一年來, 中國超愛派人出來參訪, 我幾乎都要陪在旁邊, 中英轉換功力跟著變強許多.

總之, 說中文這項"技能"變成我的專長之一, 開始有人關心我是哪裡來的, 客套的問問台灣跟中國的差別. 這真的是滿神奇的感覺...
剛來美國的時候, 好怕永遠學不會英文口語, 好怕語言障礙阻饒我, 我不是不聰明只是不會表達, 我不是不喜歡 party 交新朋友只是不會用英文說垃圾話. 記得剛來的第二年, 我的指導教授 Toby 有一次開完笑的跟我說 "You Asians are uptight." 我只是笑笑, 因為當時我的英文反應還是很龜速, 沒辦法立刻跟他嗆回去. (Toby 是可以嗆回去的. I should have said "you don't know me.") 開玩笑嘛? 你去問問誰覺得我很拘謹保守.
英文很爛的時候, 沒人想要理我的, 沒人問我台灣在哪裡. 只好跟其他非華人的國際學生混了, 大家的英文都很抱歉. 於是我斷絕了中文的世界, 看電視看八卦雜誌看小說練習英文, 還有交了個英文比我好多的男朋友, 每天被批評英文有問題. 然後英文吵架的功力大大提升.
有一陣子連中文的閱讀速度都變慢了. 然後中文表達變得像是英文的句法. 然後我失去了書寫的能力. 不是手寫字的能力, 是作文能力.
自從班比加入我的生活之後, 我相信我現在應該有回復到國小畢業的作文程度, 不過離我十年前大學畢業的程度還差遠了. 數學也變爛了, 還好沒有美國人那麼糟.

我算是搭了個便車, 在中英文能力都成熟的時機, 享受了中國強勢下的優勢, 而且還可以數落中國, 吹吹台灣的民主先進. 
不僅來訪的人多了, 我們研究中心新進人員裡多了兩三個中國人. 新來的人都會到處繞繞認識同事, 繞到我辦公室來的時候, 我絕對只說英文. 不能因為母語相同就在工作場合搞小團體, 你既然能來這裡工作代表你會說英文, 我不會對你特別親切的. 會說西班牙文的同事們也沒有搞小團體的. 你們要利用中文去攀其他關係, 例如下次哪個中國什麼教授什麼什麼院長要來（他們的名片拿出來都好多頭銜）, 你們要自告奮勇去當翻譯的阿. 

非雜文的期許 a bilingual plan

我最近在思考要怎麼救回我的中文寫作, 又不會犧牲我依然不是很理想的英文表達能力.

Recently I am wondering how to rescue my degrading Chinese writing skill but not to impede the progress of my never-perfect English skill.

交替著寫中英文可能不是最好的練習方式, 那只是會變成有點突兀或是不三不四的雜文.

Alternating Chinese and English may not be the best practice, and it may read awkward.

所以來試試看用中英文表達同一件事情.

Therefore, I am trying to express the same idea or make the same statement with two different languages.

這超難的啦, 因為要避免怪腔怪調的直翻, 就要考慮兩種語言在表達方式上的不同.

This proves super difficult. I have to avoid weird verbatim translation and at the same time have to consider the language-specific structures so that sentences will make sense.

例如中文常常省略主詞, 英文非常介意用字的精準度.

For example, the subject of a sentence is often omitted in Chinese while it would be considered non-standard in English. The precision of wording in English is more important than that in Chinese.

從以上的練習, 又可以看出中文用字比英文精簡.

From the above, one can see that to reflect the same meaning, a Chinese sentence is more succinct than its English counterpart.

當然可能是因為中文是我的母語, 好歹也用了一輩子. 英文及使天天用, 依然不及中文流利.

Of course the reason for shorter Chinese sentences may be due to the fact that Chinese is my native language, which I have used for my whole life time. Meanwhile, although I've used English daily for a decade, my English is still not as good as my Chinese.  

但是我就是無法用中文表達我的專業領域, 非常懊惱.

Despite of the advantage of the Chinese language in me, I am simply unable to express my profession in Chinese. This is frustrating.

所以我要練習中英文互用, 這樣不僅是中英文打字能力可以一起維持住水準, 有一天我也可以用中文跟麻嗎說明我到底在美國做甚麼.

To address this issue, I am going to set a goal: One day I will explain to Mama what I am doing in the States in Chinese. To reach this goal, I will practice writing, i.e., typing, English as well as Chinese. The beneficial side-effect will be that both my English and Chinese typings will stay at a pretty good level.

其實, 她是看得懂英文的. 但是隔行如隔山, 她就是沒辦法理解認知神經心理學家到底是在幹甚麼.

Actually, she can read English. But people in different professions are like people believe in different religions. She simply cannot understand what a neurocognitive psychologist does.

我個人認為"認知神經心理學" 需要重新命名. 這樣的直翻就好像三流的電影翻譯一樣, 詞不達意, 徒增不必要的神祕和困擾.

I personally think "neurocognitive psychology" should be renamed or re-branded in the Chinese-speaking science community. The literally direct translation does not convey the meaning, like poorly translated foreign movies that induce unneccessary mistery and confusion.

應該叫做"腦與行為學".

I would propose the new label "the Study of Brain and Behavior."

雖然依然很難懂, 但是就沒有"認知" 或是"心理學" 這些字眼來攪局.

Although the proposed new label may still be confusing, there is no "cognitive" or "psychology" that invites wrong interpretation.

那我要怎麼說明 "空間忽略症" 呢?  我再想想...  今天的中文練習就先這樣.

And how should I explain the disorder of spatial neglect? Let me think about it. I'm done with today's Chinese practice. 

post-Sandy Halloween 2012

Two days after Hurricane Sandy hit, the curfew of my town was finally lifted. I took my car out and drove it away. Not so far away. I tried to get to work. There was not much traffic on the road because 99% of traffic lights were not working. However, the pathways connected to my work were blocked because of falling trees. Two hours later, I gave it up and found downtown South Orange unaffected by the storm. Oh this is the town housed my worst year of life.
Superstar and I stopped there for food and made a plan: find a place with power and internet and work from there. We decided to go to a place 40 miles away.

Superstar and I went to Flushing, Queens. (Every time when I use this expression "Flushing, Queens", it feels like Flushing were a town and Queens were a state. It's like saying "在台北的天母", no no, actually it feels more like "在大安區的東區" because Queens is "just" a borough of NYC)
Anyway, we went to Flushing surprisingly easily without any traffic jam. However, it was FULL OF PEOPLE AND CARS, taking me almost an hour to find a parking space. Chinese-speaking people there were happily doing their business more than usual. Halloween-dressed children were everywhere doing trick-o-treat. Lines of lines of people were waiting for buses (because the subway was and is totally shut down). Later, we met up with friends and went to Forrest Hill (still in Queens).

The current circle of friends is formed by people from Taiwan, living in or around Forrest Hill. I have not had such a big circle (roughly 10 people) of Taiwanese friends for ... hm... 10 years I believe. I am the oldest person in this circle. I know it sounds tacky...  When I came to the States, I was only 22. What a baby, thinking I had all figured out.

Thanks to Sopi, allowing me use her internet. I did work a bit, replying to tens of email messages. Many of the messages were asking if I was alright. I have had a bad diarrhea since the hurricane landed and I still ran to the toilet 3 times already this morning....
Oh no, the hurricane did not make any physical damage to me or my property (i.e., my car "mini wing"). The terrible thing was actually no connection to the rest of the world. My cellphone could not receive any signal even until today. I am a news junky. I love reading and watching news every day. I want to know things. I am on Facebook, Flipboard, and CNN apps. The sudden and prolonged disconnection made me so isolated and bored.
So having friends around or going to friends so that they could be around was quite a treat. We had dinner and after-dinner sweets and chatted and chatted until it's about time for bed (around 10pm.. yeah... I know.... I'm not young anymore).

When the car entered Hoboken, we felt it. It was so dark that my eyes needed a few minutes to adapt, It was the full moon (or very close to full). Shadows under bright moon light simply gave me a chill. As we slowly drove into town, the car headlights showed the spooky Halloween decorations outside the buildings. People were taking causal walks with flash lights. No trick-o-treat. Just treat. It was a peaceful night with sporadic siren alarms vooming in and out. With half of the town evacuated, street parking became so easy.
The full-moon Frankenstorm Hurricane Sandy is gone. But the scary things follow the scared people. Rumors started about the tapping water safety. Riots in all gas stations in New Jersey and New York.
Stop spreading rumors. Stop panicking! Just staying calm will be a great help.
Thank you, Hoboken. Oh, I need to go to the toilet again. 

sorry, elephants

I read Bryan Christy's essay "Ivory Worship" featured in the National Geographic's October 2012 issue.

Christy describes a world where people of different religions help one another to kill elephants for making offerings to Gods. Humans are a species who kill other species for non-basic needs. We kill crocodiles for their skin, roosters for their feathers, and tigers for fur. Humans are very creative about decorating our appearances with other animals' appearances. Ivory is a different kind. It is blessed by our imagination, and elephants are just carriers of ivory. Carriers don't matter. What matters is the profit behind humans' desire of owning a piece of something that represents one's ability to do everything and anything. Yes, simply because we can wear shoes made of crocodile skin, extend hair with rooster feathers, cover a piece of floor with tiger fur, or decorate a God-worshiping house with sophisticatedly carved ivory. Or simply decorate a house. Oh, why not?

Why do people love pandas and hate the idea of killing them for fur or meat? Because they are cute. Why don't people eat dogs? Because they are "humans' best friend." Why don't Muslims eat pork? Why don't Jews eat shellfish? Humans adopt an arbiuary system that determines other animals' fate. Pandas are lucky. Elephants aren't. Humans are their Gods.

The ivory problem is extremely difficult to solve, as Christy nicely summarizes in last quarter of his essay. Any problem involving human greed is not easy to solve. Like the oil problem in Western Africa, the girl-trafficking problem in India, the drug problem in Mexico, or the dophine problem in Japan. Just to name a few. The thing is these problems are global. The market is international. As to ivory, it is not just human greed but also labeled with holy purposes which justify human greed.

Long time ago, I read an article about saving a specific kind of boars in the US. Their number was endangered. The solution was to increase its economical value by promoting its meat. Because the meat had the red-meat texture like beef and had a mouthwatering aroma when grilled, people actually loved having it. As the sales went up, farmers raised more of the boars and saved the species. I read this article in a local magazine, so I can't be sure about the facts and other factors overlooked by the author. However, it may be a solution for many other animals. Historically, humans select who get to live and who get to die. We select fruit, vegetables, and grain. We make modern horses possible. We make dogs. We shall be able to keep elephants alive. If ivory is so valueable, we can't use up its resources. We have to care its carriers. Carriers do matter. One cannot catch the entire ocean of fish in one season and expect to have another good season next year. Big buyers (people in China, Phillipines, and Thailand, as mentioned in Christy's report) have to help Africans save elephants and make ivory trades much more transparent. Banning it is certainly not a solution. People love doing things illegal.

If humans in most parts of the worlds practice routines discriminating half of their population, i.e., women, for milleniums, how can one expect that humans will respect other species anytime soon? We cannot save a species by "respecting" their existence or treating them with "humane" acts. Only too few people lead their lives with educated principles. Too many others earn their livings by taking advantages of anyone. Take the advantage of human greed. Set regulative rules that benefit the elephant hunters, the buyers, the traders, as well as the elephants. Then we may see less crual killings and stablizing the number of the elephant population.

Sorry, elephants.