please rain at night

The Vision Sciences Society holds its conference every first or second week of May. This year was the 9th meeting and my 6th.
I left New Jersey where pollen attacks me fiercely. I flew to Naples, Florida where summer is the theme. Summer is not the season for pollen. That is, my nose would not be running, and my eyes would not be tearing. I am very glad that I am not allergic to sunlight. Just ... being an Asian means that I am not a big fan of the sun tan, but I do like sunny days and cloudless nights. Click the picture below to feel it.

Summer starts at VSS

Once getting back, I found my left half of the face fighting very hard. Water was coming out of the left nostril and eye. Sneezes became my greetings again.
I saw Bungbung covered with yellow-green-ish particles, oh pollens! Get away from me and my car!
"How was the conference? You look so tired." Co-workers told me. I do? I am tired of not being able to sleep because of my own sneezes.

It rained a bit. I walked in the parking lot and felt light. No congestion. No congestion!
Please rain tonight so that I can sleep well.
But I do want a sunny Friday and weekend. Just rain at night.

flu reaction

I am not quite sure whether my constant sneezing is caused by pollen or by a flu virus. I prefer pollen.
I am not ignorant and know that H1N1 has caught much attention these days because people are getting sick or dying. I was not so worried until Mama called and emailed and highly suggested me to wear a facemask outdoors.
Naturally she is worried, especially bombed by panic-promoting Taiwanese media as often as 24/7.
Therefore, I took a look at the news source, WHO, and directly copied and pasted this message from the WHO website:

"As of 0600 GMT, 3 May 2009, 17 countries have officially reported 787 cases of influenza A(H1N1) infection.
Mexico has reported 506 confirmed human cases of infection, including 19 deaths. The higher number of cases from Mexico in the past 48 hours reflects ongoing testing of previously collected specimens. The United States Government has reported 160 laboratory confirmed human cases, including one death.
The following countries have reported laboratory confirmed cases with no deaths - Austria (1), Canada (70), China, Hong Kong Special Administrative Region (1), Costa Rica (1), Denmark (1), France (2), Germany (6), Ireland (1), Israel (3), Netherlands (1), New Zealand (4), Republic of Korea (1), Spain (13), Switzerland (1) and the United Kingdom (15)".

Let me direct you the US stats data at www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/
It says that as of May 3, 2009, 11:00 AM ET, there are 7 cases confirmed in New Jersey and 63 cases in New York.

So... what should I do? Do I follow what CDC recommends?

1. Wash my hands. ---- I do after walking through the hospital to get food in the cafeteria. I do before eating.

2. Stay in good general health. ---- I think I do except for the seasonal sneezing. The trees, however, are too beautiful to be cut dead entirely by my limited power.

3. Get plenty of sleep. ---- I have slept quite a lot recently. It is also seasonal. One of my allergic reaction is getting drowsy easily. I fell asleep while reading Angels and Demons (because I liked Da Vinci Code) or One Piece (Japanese manga 海賊王). Both were supposed to keep a reader awake.

4. Be physically active. ---- I take walks, practice yoga, and try to tango at least once a week. I am being lazy recently, however, because I am drowsy.

5. Manage my stress. ---- I did have some stress before April 29. But I am fine and happy now.

6. Drink plenty of fluids. ---- Coffee, tea, and water are my life. I also celebrated May 1 by having half bottle of wine followed by a dizzy head carrying a smiley face. I also bought half dozen of the seasonal selection of Blue Moon! This is my favorite beer of 2009.

7. Eat nutritious food. ---- I had much fruit and milk this week. Kim and Chris cooked tasty Indian food with chicken and various veggies on the last day of my postdoc fellowship. The wine I just mentioned was going very well with the Sicilian style rib eye steak served in a fine restaurant in my neighborhood. It immediately became my favorite steak of 2009. Yes, I also had much chocolate and green tea ice cream recently. They were all very nutritious.

8. Try not to touch surfaces that may be contaminated with the flu virus. ---- This rule is difficult to follow because how I would know whether a surface is contaminated. And try not to touch it? Alright, alright I will try very very hard. No touch at all.

9. Avoid close contact with people who are sick. ---- How close is close? Um... I do shake hands with stroke patients. They are sick indeed, but I cannot avoid them. I promise I will wash hands before rubbing my eyes.

My conclusion is that wearing a facemask to work or to take a walk is overreacting to the current situation, Mama.
However, I did not go to a tango practica today. The reasons are that I woke up with a series of sneezes and felt a bit under weather, and that it has been raining. It will be a pain for me to hold an umbrella with constant sneezes so that I am not able to hold the umbrella still, which condition may attract attention inducing thoughts in people's head that "This girl is sick, and we should avoid close contact with her", and I will get no leader to dance with me.

Be calm and continue your usual life style with an further healthier habits. We will be fine.

out of control

After my trip from Taipei last January, I handed my documents to HR.

Since the first couple of months as a postdoc, Dr. Anna has never stopped hinting that she may keep me after the fellowship. I did not know what I would become back then. I was not in a good shape, mentally and professionally. Nothing worked as right as I wished. After some soul searching (yeah... right...), I have made a decision that I choose a life in one of the major cities (New York, Chicago, and San Francisco) and refuse to move like many many academia Gypsies: several years here as a postdoc, several years there as another postdoc, several years elsewhere as a junior faculty, and perhaps moving again several years later if not getting tenure.
I want to settle down in a city. I want to live in a city where I can walk safely almost anytime anywhere. I want to be in a community where I can tango, yoga, discuss about movies and books, but not be bothered to defend my behavior based on my gender or age.

The problem is that research universities in the cities I like are super competitive. Openings are rare. Openings are taken by scientists who have at least 5 years of postdoc experience (supported by tens of publications) or have big-money grants. I have no chance right now, not to mention two years ago or a year ago when I seriously started thinking about my very next step.

I panicked. Seriously panicked for two or three months long. I was lost and felt underachieved as if I failed myself profoundly. I can't go to a countryside like Penn State anymore. A girl from Taipei needs air like Taipei.
Dr. Anna and John D offered me a position. That was the beginning of hope. The offer letter snailed to me until two months later after the oral offer. During that time, I kept my head low and did my job.
Finally I signed the letter in December and thought all the legal processes for H1-B would start up in January so that everything would fall right into places before May, and that I might be able to attend my cousin's wedding in March.

In February, I checked with HR and insisted that I would like to talk to the attorney directly. HR arranged a phone conference for me. It turned out that the attorney had not filed my case and he asked for some other documents from me.
The case was not received by the Immigration Services until Feb 27. I was really afraid that it would not go through before May. Thus, I asked for a $1000 fee from Anna and John D. This fee will facilitate the process. HR highly suggested me not to give her the fee until the end of March so that she would send it to the attorney so that the attorney would send it to the Immigration Services. I did not argue against the whole idea of multiple indirect layers of sending. I simply (with efforts) kept breathing and waited (without further noise) until the end of March. Two weeks later on April 17, I asked HR whether the case was approved. She told me that the fee was not received by the Immigration Services until April 14.
I became paranoid. I did not believe my case would be processed by May 1, the starting day of my first ever real job.
The purpose of $1000 was to get the case through within 15 calendar days. Therefore, I tried to keep my hope up and not to think the worst. To be reasonable, there was no reason for the Immigration Services to reject my case. However, my paranoid mind was not reasonable. My guts were turning. I slept too much with too many dreams and woke up tired.
On the 15th calendar day, today, it was approved!

This is horrible.
My least favorite thing on earth is waiting. Waiting for something that is not under my control.
You cannot be too aggressive because you don't want things to back fire at you. You cannot be totally passive because you need the counter party to totally understand the importance of the thing you are waiting for. You cannot express weakness because you want to appear professional. You cannot appear arrogant because you want to express how much you care.

I called Superstar. I called Kim. I asked Jenny to buy me coffee. I smiled all the way driving home.
Success in exams, tests, defenses, or job interviews cannot compete with this simple message of approval, which critically determines the date of the new chapter of my insignificant humble scientist life.

花粉的季節

一個禮拜前還可以穿著靴子不流汗
然後一場大雨外加一兩天大太陽
春天終於肯來了
就怕它好不容易來了 卻要被夏天趕走了

胚只好出去跟花粉當一下朋友 害得鼻子現在滿討厭我的

春光下的紐約

(點一下那照片看看整本春天的陽光)

...要去嗑一顆 Claritin 再睡覺

a season is over

A squirrel is dead. It is not bloody, so I guess it was not a road kill. The body has stayed at a corner of the apartment entrance for two days. No one claims it. No one cleans it. It is naturally peacefully there.

Colorful or colorless flowers are on trees, on grounds, and in air. New fresh leaves have just started covering the woods I drive by everyday.
The sun is warm. The day is long. I take walks in my neighborhood and found many houses for rent. On-sale boards are tagged to many houses, including a lounge that Superstar and I once tried to find dinner but retreated because of Friday early evening's noise.

Paola had her farewell party. She walked in the conference room, thinking that she was late for the once-in-a-while lab meeting, as I shouted at her "Hey!" As usual, she hey-ed me back with a big smile. So typical, she did not realize this meeting was fake and the purpose was to throw a party for her. She simply sat down beside me as usual and got ready to participate in the meeting with the blue hard-covered lab notebook.
Dr. Anna and others came in. I loudly said "she has not figured it out that we are giving her a surprise."
Because of Paola, my last hour at work today was very pleasant. Everyone was enjoying the moment and being ourselves. Paola is the kind of people who make people around her feel comfortable being ourselves. She reminds me of Zabeth all the time. They are not afraid of their English skills and only care about whether they communicate effectively with others. I wish I was like them. I am lucky that I met them.

In a week, I will say goodbye to my postdoc life and finally get a real job.
It was not unexpected. Step by step, I am getting there. However, it always sets off random firings of my nerves as I am about to reach the next step.

So long, squirrel.
Goodbye, winter.
Take care, mortgage market.
See you, Paola.
Look forward to it, my new title.