於是，曼哈頓以為這就是全世界。
台灣，應有盡有，來自中國各省和東洋的美食，各種補習班和一窩蜂熱潮，從捷運到高鐵，從山景河景到海景，從好茶好米到香甜的水果，從健身房到公園，從綜藝節目到百貨書店，從雨季到熱季，從名牌包到地攤貨。
於是，台灣以為這就是全世界。
越是富庶的島，越覺得自己是精華中的精華。
怪不得紐約的台灣人超多，怪不得台北長大的小孩會覺得紐約的空氣真有家鄉味。
我總是搞不清楚東歐西亞北非國家的地理位置，更不用說他們用什麼語言或是什麼樣的文化，sorry... many friends of mine, such as Javor and Sesa :p
小時候，無聊時我最常看著站在窗外的鐵欄杆上的麻雀們，(台北的鐵窗應該可以和紐約的逃生梯一起並列世界大城奇景)，每一次聽到同學出國遊學或是出國玩，我就對著麻雀說有一天我也要飛出這個島，我一定要。
我飛出來啦，世界觀有大一點，但是還是會想家，城市是我的家，將會是我的家，我的島。
(點一下上面那些圖，可以看清楚一點)
I was buried in medical records, stored in Jenny's office. Jenny is our research coordinator. She started the job in February but is still learning what is what and where is where and what to do and where to go.
I started my job last July. I am not better than her. I am learning a whole new different thing than basic research. In some sense, I am still doing research but not in visual cognition. I am doing research of finding mysteriously lost medical records or experiment data. Many times, I complain about it and miss the purer research environment of a university. Now I have a different attitude. I am watching a live show of soap opera. It can be quite amusing sometimes.
I was buried in medical records in Jenny's office. Jenny and Cristin were discussing about whatever they were discussing about. Noise from next door came through the wall, a piece of thin wood. It sounded like people were arguing loudly over there.
Cristin said she couldn't believe how much drama was going on in that lab. People of that lab would talk behind people about not getting email invitation of some casual social gathering. Patty things like that.
I nodded and said in my head "Oh, you think there's no drama in this lab? Because you come to the lab only one day a week. Because gossips never go to your ears."
I am a listener. I am very good at it. No matter where I go. No matter whom I meet. No matter Chinese or English, people talk and I listen and I ask questions allowing them to talk more. Or I nod.
Probably that's why I can be a good follower in tango. I listen and adjust myself and keep the dance going unless the leader is really annoying.
Annoying example number one is my so-called "typical" American girls. Even though I categorize them as "typical", I have not met many of them. Probably it is because not many "typical" American girls go to a graduate school or dance tango. There were two in my lab. Now one. Lucky me, the remained one is the one I can endure better. This one... I wish I could just put a pillow on her face when she's talking. She is the generation of strawberry -- has no strength to absorb pressure while keeping a good shape of niceness.
If Cristin had listened to Miss Strawberry, she would've not said our lab was so harmonious. If she had listened to Kim, Millie, Kristen, Jenny, and me about Dr. Anna, she would've called our lab a drama club.
I like Cristin a lot. She is so capable and available. Even though she is a medical doctor and her research title is a level above mine -- she is a part-time research scientist and I'm a full-time postdoc research fellow -- she assists me like a super research assistant. Her specialty is to solve my problems related to hospitals and medical records. I have complimented her directly and she agreed! She likes to solve problems and likes the feeling of accomplishment. Me too. So I like her and like to throw her with problems.
Cristin is a great co-worker. Within a snap, things are done.
Trouble shooters are so precious. Don't you leave me, Cristin.
I can feel the difficulty of running a lab. Research assistants usually leave after a while. They don't get a sense of responsibility as much as the limited work hours allow them to. Research coordinators or secretaries don't come from a science background. People have different personalities. Girls are not as straight-forward as boys, and our lab is a female lab. Sometimes I just can't see through everyone's mask. Sometimes I think I am wearing a mask so that I think everyone has a mask on. This is probably why I feel soooo tired everyday. I miss Toby for I could just walk into his office and say whatever on my mind. I cannot do the same now here.
Jerry apologized to me for his rude email wordings. I was actually not offended at all. I like it when we quickly exchange email back and forth without the greetings at the beginning and abundant thankyou at the end. I prefer working with boys or people who just snap and work things out. That's why I like Cristin.
However, boys are not always my favorite. This boy assistant working for me has created more work for me.
See? It's not easy to categorize people based on gender.
The last thing I want to murmur about is why medical records are sent via regular mail! This really bothers me. What if the record is lost in mail? No way to track it. And the reply I got is "Send the request again. We will send again." So they simply allow lost medical records flowing around in the mail dimension.
Trust me. I still don't know what happened to the second check I mailed to VW.
Let me call it a day for now. Don't take any negative energy I put here. Watch the video below and smile and good dreams to you :)
Before the rock wall of the mountain appeared in front of me, I had already anticipated it two miles ahead. Counting centi-mile by centi-mile, my heart beat started accelerating with Bungbung. I bet my bug would smile even bigger than he already does if he were a living creature. He would sense his master, me, who smiled hugely when the rock wall came to view.
At the 180th mile of Interstate 80 in PA, it is my favorite scene. It changes as the season changes. It is magnificent in its own way in each season. Now it's springy green. Trees look tiny on the rock wall, whose size is like an entire Manhattan avenue block that contains 100-floor buildings only.
I like rocks in general. I like huge rocks. I like to feel physically small so that I will feel mentally humble.
I feel so small and humble every time I drives by the 180th mile of I-80.
I don't know how many times I have driven by there. Last time before today was a year ago.
It feels like a life time ago.
In front of time, I can't help but feel small and humble. Memory carries me away to many different events which have lost their colors.
The golf course sat outside the window. I could smell it even though in reality I was smelling waffles. I used to take walks across it.
"You are weird." Nat and Alex said.
They think my enjoying walking not understandable. Before 8, I walked because I didn't have other options. At 13, I walked because I started being educated to stay fit. Since 15, I walked a lot because I liked it. At 23, I walked because I didn't have other options. Since 25, I walk a lot again because I like it especially when I can walk with people I like.
"Do you go to Euro Club often?" A random guy asked me when I was filling gas by myself (which I hadn't done for a year. It's not allowed to fill gas by the driver in NJ.).
I looked at him. I don't know him. I shook my head and said "I used to go there often but that was long time ago."
The first time I attended to the regular Wednesday gathering of Euro Club at Allen Street Grill was the fall of 2004. A postdoc from Switzerland took me there. I must have been a nice person then. Or I must have been bored. He was a very weird dorky geek. He mentioned about the European student club (aka Euro Club) and I said ok I would check it out with him. I never liked him but thanks to him for that Wednesday night. I have met a bunch of great friends from the club. That was the first time I met Audrey, a Singaporean student in my department. That's right, not just Europeans go to Euro Club. That's right, I/O psych students and cog psych students usually don't know each other in the psych department. Audrey and I remain good friends.
Last night, I had dinner with 5 Europeans at Allen Street Grill but the dinner did not remind me of the Euro Club. Instead, the random Indian guy at the gas station popped a question and a series of memory waved into my mind.
The past two days, the guy downstairs woke me up as he usually did at the old time. He cursed or coughed loudly every morning. Before my eyes opened, I thought I was still in an old dream. I am glad that Nat has changed the apartment totally. Nothing looked the same, and I opened my eyes with relief.
At least eight friends are moving out of State College in the next few months.
Alexa said I started the trend.
No, don't blame me. I had seen people come and go. I didn't start the trend. It is just a natural trend of State College. People don't stay. People come and play and leave. All of us carry at least one degree away. Away is the point. Some leave with great things such as a spouse or a baby. Some leave behind things such as memories of ex-lovers.
Leave. Sooner or later. Leaving is worth of celebration in State College. So I celebrated for the entire weekend and toasted "Congrats!" to friends who had companied me for some years.
And I left.
To see the rock wall at the 180th mile.
To smile.
To feel small and humble.
To reset.
... resetting
Should I go to Chicago or Montreal at the beginning of July?
Tango or Jazz?
Vivien, the rumor spreader, confessed to me that it was she who mistakenly told everyone in State College that I was going back last weekend. The rumor became a milonga. I hope no one actually went to the milonga for me. Well... a tiny hope that someone did go there for me as if I was very important ;p
I'm very excited. Not because State College is the best town in North America, which it really is not. It's because there are people who care about me. Alex is cooking for me like what she'd done when I was there. Nat is hosting me in my previous apartment (my previous life). Friends are responding my email. Suddenly I am popular again, which feels really good.
Having friends from all over the world is one of the best things in the world.
State College, though not the best town in North America, is a great international town. Or I should say that's the best thing about an American university: People come from all places to study and play. Here I have been in North Jersey, in a research center, for 10 months. Finally I met an European and an Indian this week. A real Italian, not Italian American (which is what half of my co-workers are). A real Indian, not Indian American (which counts for probably 10% of my co-workers). Before Paula and Alkar came, I was the only person in the center who needs to visit the International Office.
New faces make me smile or ... laugh.
They are so new to this country and to this institute. They are going to face what I faced and to complain what I have been complaining. And soon we will be good friends and complain together.
Complaining about America bonds non-Americans together. That's what I miss about State College.
I forget why I posted the ad for Chicago Tango Week in the first place.
Anyway, we tango around in all aspects of life. Hope to meet someone who can be partners, on dance floors and in real life. Hope to meet someone who connects with us. For example, someone happy to cook for me :) and I like her cooking. That's a great connection!
Congrats to Master Alex!
(the title of this post may coarsely translate the title of her blog
a more literal translation should be "looking for sweetness/happiness among fuels, rice, oil, & salt")
This is how my toothbrushes were made.
Go green one thing at a time.
I started trying it out several months ago. I like how the handle was designed, greatly fitting the human factor. And the brush is very soft, so far my favorite. After 3 months (which is a normal life span of any toothbrush), I mailed the brush back (without paying postage) for recycling. The product itself is good and the recycling part of the product, which is the whole thing including the packaging, for me is an extra bonus psychologically.
A new food market has just opened three blocks away from me.
It means that I don't have to drive to lovely Whole Foods to get organic food anymore. I like stores in walking distance.
I know, I should just move into the city. The waiting time should not be long. The matter is just which city, not just the city, will welcome me.
Tunnel fees have gone up from $6 to 8. Gas price has been soaring too. These facts block me from driving into the city. At least before my salary is higher than a postdoc typically earns, the train will be my feet to the greener side of the river, where people like to walk, where people care more about the environment and health.
Doing something good to the environment, even if the something is tiny, makes me feel good. It is like the other day, my yoga practice improved a tiny little step (which only I would notice), which made me feel very good. Or like tango, I was led to do something very nicely to a milonga melody, which made my body smile.
So for the psychological element -- feeling good --, I will keep doing something good to the earth. I know, now it sounds like some selfish behavior. So? I am selfish. I like to be happy. I like anything that makes me happy.
