lust & love

If you like Ang Lee 李安, please go see "Lust, Caution."
If you like Eileen Chiang 張愛玲, please go see "Lust, Caution."
If you like Tony Leung 梁朝偉, please go see "Lust, Caution."
If you like the era of chipao 旗袍, please go see "Lust, Caution."
If you've seen "Lust, Caution.", please read the interview of Ang Lee on CNN.

The tagline running in Taiwan for the film is "Lust is easy to reject. Love is hard to avoid." 色易守, 情難防
24 hours after seeing the film, I finally totally agree on the amount of sex pictured in the film. I had argued that the first two sex scenes were necessary but doubted the rest. Now I feel the rest was also necessary for the whole tension development in the story.

Lust, Caution is not as easily understandable, romantic, or agreeable as another film -- Red Rose and White Rose that was also adapted from one of Eileen Chang's novels.
(Joan Chen played a important role in both film, actually.) Chang was a superb writer in describing women's mental world. Red Rose and White Rose was one of the great examples.
On the other hand, Lust Caution has never been recognized well or accepted widely by Chang's fans. Perhaps it is because of the taboo of explicit expression of sex and desire in women. Perhaps it is actually because tension within a highly secret relationship, rather than women in a secret relationship, is highly focused in the story.

Lust and love can be separated, of course. Practically it may not be the case for everyone. But it happens. And quite often. People do have sex without a passion called love. Some people are lucky (or unlucky?) that they make love out of sex.
That's why sex is risky. You can never be sure whether it will change something in you or whether that change is good for your current status.
And they, the two people in the film, eventually could not help but fall deeply and painfully in love.
I felt pain when seeing Mr. Yee's face or great actor Tony Leung's acting at the end.
It reminded me of the last appearance of Maggie Cheung 張曼玉 in In the Mood for Love 花樣年華. So heartbreaking. So so so heartbreakingly painful.

I have to say, Lust Caution is a disturbingly great film. Because it successfully disturbed me, it is great.

follow the breath

Beautiful, right?
I am not able to do it yet. It's the king pigeon pose. My basic pigeon pose is still not perfect yet, especially when trying it on the left side. My left hip somehow is tighter.
Don't know who this beauty is. I saw her on the latest Time issue. The article is titled When Yoga Hurts. Good points in the article.
If you are trying to be a yogi, you have to practice daily. Don't be a weekend warrior.
If the goal is to look like Madonna, you're better off running or spinning.

Weekend warrior. I like this term, but I am not a weekend warrior.
It's a shame that I do not go to a studio every day.
Anusara teachers in South Orange are all very nice. I like all their voices. I like the classroom too. I like Jenny's music that she plays before a class begins. I like Emma's strong confident teaching personality. I like Joe's gay quality. It's just my laziness. I go once or twice now.
Bikram is a weekly thing when I go to Manhattan.
But I am not a weekend warrior, which I have to defend my practice now and when reading that Time article.
My avocado-colored mat is always on the floor. I stretch before breakfast and after work. I do warriors I, II, and III everyday.
My goal is not being upside down, so I am perfectly fine with not practicing hand or head stands.
My goal is to feel good about my body. I reach the goal everyday.

So I do not understand why people hurt themselves in yoga practices.
It's a very personal thing even when doing it in public.
It's not about looking pretty, either.
Some women keep their jewelry or makeup on. Perhaps they have very low self-esteem and need those external materials to boost their spirits even in a yoga class.

But I have to confess. I do not subscribe Time, but it comes every week for 5 weeks now. The subscriber's name is not my name, but has the same family name as I have. And the address is my address. That's why the post officer put it in my mailbox.
Should I call Time and ask about it?
Nah.
I thought about it several times. But no.
I am not wasting it. I read it cover to cover every weekend. The fact that I do not pay for it does not make me down. Whoever the subscriber is, I thank you.
And it should be that person's responsibility to call Time.
I breathe in and out and feel not guilty.



Oh, by the way, it's New York Tango Festival.
Dance with me. Lead me with your breath.
Let's do partner yoga on the dance floor.
Oh, I love it when the leader leads with breath.

her blog is better than my blog

It is Confucius's Day today, which is just a coincidence. People who know me, the real me, know that I am not a big fan of Confucius, even though I was able to memorize all his words for exams (of course I forgot them all together at the moment handing out my tests).

But the date is relevant to the topic.
Rose started appearing in my photo albums three years ago. Yes, it was Sep 28, 2004. Amazing how time flies, right? I did not know it was exactly three years ago until three minutes ago I had found her first image on my hard drive.

The reason why I wanted to find her image because I wanted to promote her blog. She was the sweetest girl in the coolest sense among Americans. She is the reason why I do not dislike all Americans. I say to friends "See? Rose is a great example that there are cool Americans. There is still hope for the country."

Her debut in my albums was of course not ordinary. See it?

Yes, she was the only one who was looking at the camera. She was so supportive that she even passed the blocker Nina in order to show her smart blue head.
I have to smile. I have liked her at the moment I saw her when she was just visiting PennState before becoming a grad student, because blue is her favorite color. Because blue is my favorite color too :)

Just recently, I was personally informed that she was a blogger too. I always like her writings, the David Sedaris type of humor plus Rose's semi-cynical accent. You can find the link on the right column. If you can't (because you're lazy or you don't know where to look), click here.

Another reason that I want to promote her blog is that it makes me happy. Call me selfish.
I like smiles. Rose's smile makes me smile. Her blog is better than my blog, which is literally said when you click the link.

You don't know how her smile makes me smile? Here's an example.

Mairead and Kieran, since then, call her Tigger.

(Oh, btw, that was a VIP Lab party for Zabeth's departure. Zabeth was a visiting grad student for the summer. Now all of them, Toby, Cathleen, Mairead, Kieran, Rose, Teresa, and Zabeth are in Iowa. The VIP Lab was no longer existing. But they are still and will always be VIP for me.)

looooony 嚕嚕嚕

月亮節過了,但是月亮一直都會在
小時候的時候,以為月亮會跟我回家,坐在車上向窗外一直看著她
現在,月亮在我家
都肥肥圓圓笑臉迎人

小月是幾米的作品
跟著我從台北一路飛來美國,搬了幾次家,還是笑得很燦爛

餃子頭是多明尼加的月神小像
當地早已經沒有土著了,不過還是靠土著的崇拜物生財
我在紀念品店挑了好久才決定要她的,其他的 luna 沒有她可愛

中秋啊,對我來說不是鄉愁,是傷感
那天剛好又染上傷感的病毒
連了好幾天昏昏沉沉
不過臉還是肥
笑容還是在
所以日子繼續過啊
讓大家擔心了,胚沒事啦

不再見

就在現在這個時候，一場告別式正在進行，我們機構的總裁在五月過世了，所謂的告別式籌備委員會終於喬出一個大家似乎都有空的時間，而所謂的大家包括總裁先生的老友、同事、學生和家人，大概有幾百人之多吧。

不包括我。
我見過他一次而已，那天我來面試，他是唯一一個讓我覺得不太想雇用我的人，他拿著我的履歷咄咄逼人的說：你的投稿都還沒有刊出過。還一邊說一邊搖頭。
不過我沒有不喜歡他，因為以他的地位和角色，給我下馬威是他的工作，他的職務就是要確保我們機構的研究水準和成績，成績就是以刊出多少論文來定論的。
總之，我覺得他跟我說再見的時候不很誠懇。

結果就真的沒再見了。
聽說是心臟手術後的併發症。

不想去他的告別式當然是因為我跟他一點都不熟，不是因為我覺得他不想再見我。

另外一個原因是我有一種快要陣亡的感覺，好像哈利波特故事裡的 dememtor 來親了我一下，快樂全然消失，覺得沒有能力再有單純愉悅的微笑，一切都失去溫度，我在大太陽底下穿著皮衣卻還在發抖，難過生氣失望絕望全都一起來。
因為他又犯了錯，這回是莫大的錯。

不再見，我說不出口，氣我自己說不出口，為什麼我對他依然有憐憫的心呢？
因為我的臉上有他的影子。
誰可以救他？誰可以讓他看清他自己然後覺醒呢？
好久以前，當我下定了不再主動跟他聯絡的決心時，我很樂觀的相信著「佛渡有緣人，無緣人自有人渡」，而我肯定不是他的有緣人，但是我希望他會好起來，他的心會好起來。
現在我發現是他不讓渡啊！
行不正，心不直，又不自量力，這樣子的努力不會有好結果，努力的過程中也很難遇到貴人來渡。

再見不再見呢？
我一直在等他的表現，結果等到這樣的結果。

頭痛喉啞眼乾，沒辦法裝出「節哀順變」的告別式微笑，連昨晚的探戈也讓我快樂不起來。